...actually, I have spoken with a few fellow attorneys and we have decided that your attacks on our noble profession should not go unanswered. Accordingly, we have decided to file a class action libel lawsuit against you. We are in the process of subpoenaeing MercedesShop logs so that we can ascertain your true identity and then proceed to slap you with a Summons & Complaint. Enough with you proletariat picking on us sharks...I mean, attorneys.
But seriously Autozen, you are missing the bigger picture here. Sure, there are lots of lawyers in government, sure we have taken over one of the world's formerly great democracies, but it is all perfectly legal. You see, Autozen, lawyers in government are all part of the Federally mandated Full Employment Act, Public Law
No.: F.U.-666. And it all works real well for everyone. You see, lawyers go to Congress, lawyers make laws that only other lawyers can interpret and then you little proletariats have to hire big, mean lawyers to figure out just what the heck the other lawyers originally meant to write into the law. Thus more and more lawyers are able to be gainfully employed. (And thank God for that, since we otherwise have no other marketeable skills).
But the trickle down effect works even further. Lawyers, thus enriched, are able to buy and drive big bad ass Benzes and Bimmers and then, when we tire of them, we sell them to the proletariat for ridiculously over-inflated prices. It is then, and only then, that the proletariat drive Benzes.
In that vein, I just saw a bumper sticker that only in California, or in Washington D.C. could it possibly make sense. The sticker said: "My kid's lawyer can beat your kid's lawyer."
Autozen, do you know why scientists prefer to use lawyers in the lab instead of white rats? Because there are more lawyers available and the scientists don't get as attached to lawyers as they do to the rats. (drumroll!)
But really Autozen, you need to get over your anti-lawyer phobia, it is bad for your health man. Plus you will get sued and who, except for other lawyers, wants to see that. Instead, apply to law school, pass the Bar exam, and join me in making fun of the proletariat.
Legal disclaimer: All of the above was meant only in jest, and only for the written, express purposes of providing a feeble measure of amusement. Any similarities, real or imagined, to the way lawyers really perceive the world to be, is purely, completely and totally coincidential and not meant to offend, aggravate, distress, embarrass, mortify, humiliate or otherwise bug anyone else who is not fortunate enough to be part of the legal brotherhood/sisterhood.
One final disclaimer: America's greatest president, Abraham Lincoln (what, you thought I was going to say Richard Nixon?) was a lawyer, perhaps one of the best lawyers, ever. See, once in a while one of us makes good.
One more thing. If you want to see a truly hilarious send up on lawyers, go rent THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE and watch the last 15 minutes, when Al Pacino, as old Lucifer, makes a speech about lawyers taking over the world. The movie is pretty unbelievable, after all it features Keanu Reeves as a a hotshot Wall Street lawyer and Charlize Theron (sp?) as his dropdead (no pun intended, but you have to watch the entire movie to get the pun) gorgeous wife.
Well, adieu, I gotta go out and find some poor, but well-insured, slob to sue.
[Edited by BENZ-LGB on 07-14-2001 at 06:36 PM]