Because:
1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2. They accellerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private cars.
5. Oil, battery, tire pressure and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
6. The floor is shaped like an ashtray.
7. They have a much tighter turning radius.
8. They only burn the cheapest gas available.
9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the warning light on.
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
12. The suspension and trunk floor are reinforced to allow concrete slabs and other heavy building materials to be carried.
13. They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still in forward motion.
14. The tire side walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
15. No security is needed. They may be left unlocked, anywhere, with the keys in the ignition.
16. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by adjustment of the radio volume control.
17. They have special batteries that can be drained and jumped repeatedly without harming the electrical system.
18. They come with "temporary" spare tires that are good for 50,000 miles.
19. They have specially reinforced bumpers for removing annoying objects, such as shopping carts and sub-compact cars, in parking lots.
20. All repairs can be accomplished with the cheapest after market parts available.
21. Parking brakes do not need to be dis-engaged to drive.
22. When parking on a hill, it is possible to leave it in gear and ignore the parking brake.
23. The upholstery is impervious to stains, burns, and makeup.
24. They are easily parked in spaces intended for much smaller cars.
25. They are bullet proof, so you can be as obnoxious behind the wheel as you want to be.
