Possible progress... and to report:
the dealer actually let me talk to the mechanic who aligns these cars. He said my specs (which I have from my local shop) sounded in the ballpark but he seemed reluctant to give me the mercedes specs. He claimed they need to drive the car and adjust them all individually so they don't have a rigid set of specs. Sounded suspicious but I couldn't twist his arm over the phone.
My specs are:
FRONT (we didn't go over the rear end)
Caster L 10.2 degrees, R 11.0
Camber L 0.0 degrees, R 0.2
Toe L 0 inches, R 1/16
After describing how it drives, he said the steering sounded stiff and to losen the set screw on the gear box, which I did and it loosened up a little. It still feels like it's hard to turn, so maybe the steering damper has yet to break in or something, he suggested to check the steering idle arm. By the way, the set screw for the steering box is reverse of american stuff - counter clockwise tightens it. He also said there really isn't anything special about aligning these cars and that basically any shop should be able to do it. That was a surprise and I don't know what to think of that.
The test drive produced more managable car, but it still jumps around in crosswind a little. At least it's better so maybe my whole problem is in the steering. I didn't notice much movement in the rear wheel positioning in the load test. I'll drive it some more and try not to make it handle better just out of sheer will power!
I really appreciate all the help from the forum. I posted the same question over in the diesel engine side at this link if you want to see what they came up with:
87 300d Impossible to Align!
Paul