... With my girlfriend.

She was attempting to bake some gingersnap cookies. I was attempting to relax on a Sunday afternoon with a few beers. About halfway through, she discovers that we're out of ginger. As this obviously won't do for baking gingersnaps, it quickly becomes apparent that one of us will have to go to the store. In the past this sort of discussion has been settled quite quicky, merely by ascertaining which one of us is wearing pants. If you're wearing pants, you have to go to the store. It's simple, but it works.

This time however, I wasn't willing to give up so easily. She had the drop on me (so to speak) as she was already minus pants, or legcovering of any sort, for that matter, but I wasn't ready to give up. I was desparate. I reached out for the only help I could find...

All I found was a bottle of Wild Turkey. Thinking as best I could, I pulled the cork, and guzzled as best I could.

Setting the bottle down, I announced that there was no way I could be expected to go to the store, as I had consumed more alcohol than I should and still drive. Also, in my haste, it was possible that I had spilled a small amount of bourbon, making sure that I smelled strongly enough that anyone could tell I had been drinking.

It was plainly a victory for me. She had no reasonable arguement against me. As she dressed to head for the store, I opened another beer, sat back, and basked in my well earned glory. Warmed by the burn of the bourbon, all I could do was grin happily, laughing just a little at my dog, who, when he looked at me with just one eye, looked just like a pirate. Except he didn't have a parrot. Which was good, because he doesn't really like birds. And also, all of you, that's right, all of you, suck. Because you're always making lefthand turns in front of me without even using your signal. And did I ever tell you about the parrot that lived in my neighborhood for a few months? He perched up in this big tree in my neighbors yard. He would talk to my dog and drive him crazy. Not the parrot, the dog. He's bark and bark (the dog, not the parrot) while the parrot told him to be quiet. It was funny. Really funny. But that was a long time ago. Almost a year. Now it's different. For instance, now we have cookies. Gingersnaps. Which both the dog and I like. And he can eat them because they don't have any chocolate. Because chocolate is bad for dogs. And also raisins. So, in conclusion, never feed your dog raisins. Because they're bad for dogs.

MV