Thanks for your input guys. Turns out, the battery's fine. Two things were wrong: 1 The stop light switch, wouldn't let me take it out of gear. Oddly, you could take it out of gear while the key was turned to the start position. 2 The cable to the starter corroded and broke. The cable and attached fuse box need to be replaced.

Total bill: $660.00 Ouch.

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Brian Rogers
'96 E320 traded in at 292,000 miles
'09 C350