Originally Posted by suginami

Just wanted to give everyone a heads up as I've been away from the forum for almost a week.

My wife's father died earlier this week after suffering from the effects of Alzheimers for the last couple years.

We got the news of his passing Monday afternoon, and caught a flight Tuesday morning to Kansai airport (near Osaka).

Arrived Wednesday afternoon, dashed to the hotel to shower and change our clothes, then off to the funeral home for the viewing.

Sat in the room in front of the body while a Buddhist monk chanted and rang a metal bowl at regular intervals. We all got up when called upon, lit incense, and prayed in front of the body.

The actual funeral was Thursday, and the whole process was basically repeated. Lots of ceremony, chanting, incense, praying, bowing, etc.

At the end, we were all invited to put cut flowers in the open casket, which we did. Our four year old twins didn't know what to make of his death. My daughter saw the body and loudly asked, "Nan de ojiichan ga nette iru no?", "why is grandpa sleeping?" It was too much to take, and all cried openly.

Everyone was encouraged to touch his face, but I couldn't do it.

The close male relatives then carried the casked to a Lincoln hearse. I was impressed they had a Lincoln. Was expecting some sort of Japanese car. Made quick mental note to self to tell my loved ones when I die to arrange for a Cadillac hearse. Nothing against Lincoln, but I'm a Cadillac man.

Then boarded a limousine bus and departed for the crematorium, where more Buddhist chanting commenced, and then the body was deposited in the crematorium where it would be quickly burned.

Went back to the funeral home for a sashimi and sushi lunch accompanied with lots of beer, sake, and whiskey. Started to feel ill due to too little sleep, jet lag, and mixing raw fish with three kinds of liquor.

After lunch, we headed back to the crematorium. We were ushered into a room, and there in front of us were my wife's fathers burned ashes and bones on a table. I was shocked. Wasn't expecting that display, but it sure is a good visual of the ashes to ashes dust to dust Biblical passage. The crematorium employee picked up random pieces of bones with large wooden chopsticks, and explained which part of the body it was from.

My four year old daughter then loudly asked "Ojiichan ga kowarechatta", or "grandpa is all broken". She apparently made the visual connection that those bones were his cremated remains.

We were all handed a pair of long, wooden chopsticks, and encouraged to put pieces of his bones in a large ceramic pot, where they would be added with the rest of his ashes in a ceramic urn and be handed to his widow in about 90 days.

We went back the funeral home and ushered into another room, where there was more Buddhist chanting, bowing, praying, incense burning, etc., and it was all over.

Went back to the hotel, where I showered, changed clothes, and proceeded to throw up. I guess it was all too much for me.

It was a hell of an experience. I felt like the Richard Chamberlin character in Shogun when his lover, Marikos san, dies and he witnesses her funeral and cremation.

It was an experience I'll never forget.