Where's those danged St. Bernards when ya need 'em? All summer long they're out pooping Yugo sized turds on your lawn but when it comes time for them to do their duty, they're nowhere to be found!

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“Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.”
― Brian P. Cleary, You Oughta Know By Now