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Old 10-13-2013, 02:13 PM
barry12345 barry12345 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Actually as a father I had only one serious to me episode. A daughter came home at about two thirty one morning. She was fourteen. I stayed up late to greet her.

Simply put I calmly informed her that such behavior makes the whole family look bad. Not her prerogative to do this while under our roof and me footing all the bills of the household. Plus your mother saying at home and working at all the endless drudgery of keeping a large household functional. She never complains but her task is large important and thankless. She also does not need this agravation.

Well next night she did it again. Once again I had stayed up. She sashayed in the door and told me that legally I could do nothing about this.

I told her that she was right still I did not have to tolerate this under our roof. So you no longer live here. She kept waiting for her mother to come downstairs and rescue her but she did not. For this I was thankful. I realized I was not gaining any brownie points by her with my approach. Still she must have had some faith in me to stay quiet up there and remain there.

So she said I will walk to town. I told her I would drive her in as I wanted to know where she wanted out at plus in my opinion it was safer. Next morning I pulled a few strings to find out where she was at.

Well she was at an uncles and aunts place. So I let it be for a few days. Fortunatly for the situation the wife did not get actively involved. She more or less just observed. The wife was perceptive enough to realize the daughter would attempt to play one off against the other I think.

Then I got a call. I want to come back home type of plea. I asked what is the point? You told me we have no legal position with you. You will do what you want. More of what led up to this will not be tolerated. Anyways you are now living with nice people that are perhaps more permissive than us.

A few more days go by and It's I have to come home as the aunt and uncle fight all night and the noise keeps me awake. A ploy of course so I said no problem really honey I will try to drop a set of ear plugs off on my travels today. That way you should be able to sleep through the noise.

When I did not drop off the ear plugs I got another call. I simply told her. Look I have been pretty busy and so has your mom. Just go buy a pair for yourself. Also what about getting things arranged to get your remaining clothes and personal items out of here? Well that really did it. She folded up and said that if she could come back home she would obey the house rules as long as she was in school and lived there.

At this point I simply told her to give me a little time to think about it and discuss it with your mother. Talk is cheap. You would lose much of the freedom you think you have in your present environment.

I knew she was missing the dynamics of our household already and many privliages already as well resulting from being active in the family unit. I knew she was far from mentally challenged as well.

She was just becoming aware of the nice father that was always supportive and guiding in nature but never overbearing had another component of his makeup. In other words she was dealing with a totally previously unknown component. It was just blowing her out of the water.

So she simply folded and said I promise to do what I have to do as part of the family unit. I really think she was becoming scared that she had sailed her ship and it might be permanent. Anyways I told her I will talk to your mother about what you have said and give you a decision tomorrow. I will support your position if you assure me you are deadly serious and feel you will live up to your proposed promised commitment. Well she kept her word as I felt she would.

Still it was not until about fifteen to twenty years later when one evening she told me. I thought you were hard assed at the time but from todays perspective I could have landed up like the vast majority of females of that time. Instead I am well educated and very knowledgeable. Completed a major overhaul of a major corporation and many other accomplishments. Plus in many ways help people like you always did and have a happy life.

She then mentioned it all evolved from all those suppertime conversations over the years. I interrupted her at this point as that was only partially true. Your mother was a brilliant gene pool. I never told you but you where gifted to some extent and I knew when seriously dealing with you I counted on several things. You knew we loved you and cared about you. I also had realized how smart you were and part of my duties as a father was to make you a balanced person. Intelligence can become abusive in nature if not tempered with a balanced perspective.

Your employees and people like you and probably always will because you became that balanced person. I just contributed what I could as well as your mother did. You did the heavy lifting. Nobody is perfect but you do approach it more than normally by far.

In general to end this conversation although I do appreciate it. You just go on doing more of the same overall and we will always be proud of you. At this point in your evolution otherwise is not really an option anyways. Try to always remember your fathers and mothers people basically punched time clocks. I escaped that by applied effort and good coincidence. Your sisters and yourself have or will do even better. I may not live long enough to see what the grandchildren accomplish if anything

Today as a group we will sit down to thanksgiving dinner. The Canadian thanksgiving is earlier than the American one. We are a very fortunate family in many ways and are humble enough to appreciate what we have and have had over the years. No we are not an absolutely perfect family but I doubt if one exists anywhere.

I seem to be always aware of how little so many people especialy in third world cultures have. When the need for more food or medicine for example is not available can be imagined. Good circumstance to me is just to have been born in north America. I certainly had no control of that. Instead more of a luck of the draw thing than anything.
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