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Old 03-13-2003, 04:10 PM
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afmcorp afmcorp is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: NW Indiana LaPorte
Posts: 571
mechanic rules i use before attempting any automotive repair.

1. rule one: obey all rules

2. rule two: obey rule number 1

3. (the most important rule) before starting any job that requires a bolt or nut or socket head to be turned... the aforesaid mechanic must make an offering to the knuckle gods by placing his good hand (either right or left and both hands if he's ambidextrous) on his or her shop vise and using a 16oz ball pein hammer strike down onto said hand (s) with sufficent force as to break the skin and cause bleeding (not so much as to keep from continuing to work) but a knuckle buster that he or she will be forced to live with for 7 days after said project has been completed.

Extra points are given for loss of nail or blood spatter....shows initiative and aptitude for following directions

4. at some point during said project the mechanic (that's you) must toss, throw or fatally damage 1 part. said part must be part of a larger assembly but must not be available without purchasing the whole assembly. (this rule is meant to punish your wallet)

5. again at some point during said project the mechanic must step out to the driveway and shout so all can hear. I DON'T NEED NO STINKING INSTRUCTIONS. thus proving your better half's assertions that you're crazy for doing this job yourself. why not give it to someone who knows how to do it right. (again insulting your abilities and hurting your pride)

loud sobbing is worth extra points here also but...neighbors must be able to hear your crying from 2 doors down in either direction. double bonus points if the neighbors across the street and down 3 houses in either direction hears your crying.

so you see folks these rules are to punish your heart, mind, body and soul. all of the above rules are mandatory when working on any automotive project.

PS. anytime your better half walks out to ask "how are you doing" regardless of the situation you must chant these words for them to hear. "PIECE OF CAKE" maybe i'll just start to fix all our cars.
Thanks Much!

1972 350sl Red/Blk 117k
1988 420sel charcoal/Blk 140k
1987 420sel gold/tan 128k
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Pound it to fit then Paint it to match!

There is only First Place and Varying degrees of last!

Old age and deceit will overcome Youth and Enthusiasm every time!

Putting the square peg in the round hole is not hard... IF you do it fast enough!

Old enough to know better but stupid enough to do it anyway!
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