It's been a couple months since I tried this. The drain valve went in, and I hit it with JB Weld. For such a hokey idea, it sure has worked out great. Not a leak, nor a chance of one as of yet, and oil changes are a hundred times easier, with no chance of this ever happening again. Thanks again all.
1987 300e - The 200,000 mile TurboTechnics rocketship.