I know this is insane but...what would happen if a connecting rod and pison is removed (once the oil pan is lowered) and the valves are welded shut with stems cut so they don't contact the cam. How would such a 6 (or 8 cylinder engine) run assuming that all the other parts of the engine are functional? I wonder if this would make it even as a last ditched solution in 3rd world?

Probably a stupid idea even if it didn't cost anything besides gaskets and wasted time.

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1972 450SL
1982 300D Turbo