Ha. I can't EVER tell what a girl is thinking. Sometimes they act strange. Sometimes they're normal. But what does that mean?

I can't tell when a girl likes me or not and I don't want to run the risk of getting hurt. I've never been out on a date and I'm 21. Perhaps its because I'm such a loner, and I never can truly read a girl. I

I personify myself with George Mcfly. "Well what if she says no? I just,...just don't KNOW if I can take that kind of rejection!"

I mean, it would hurt any pride I had for myself if I were turned down.

OTOH a girl from highschool asked for my phone #. I refused to give it to her. Do you know why? Because I was afraid she would call me and invite to socialize(mall for example). I loathe socialization, and yet here I type.

I had my chance, I could've dated, but somehow I felt that would make me like everyone else. I want to be different. I want to achieve something. I strive to reach for a star that shines above and alone.

But everybody has that dream, and to dream is one thing but to achieve that fantasy is another game in itself.

Perhaps my dream would be to have a family of my own to protect and support: My own personal universe. Sigh, I am caught in my own trap.