That's exactly it! The car is in second gear up the hill! I pushed the pedal PAST the carpet for my 0-60 run and while my timing equipment was very crude (a wristwatch), it was very close to the 14 second range that was mentioned.
I felt something click when I pushed past the carpet, haven't looked into it yet, but the car did downshift and acceleration was quite a bit better. I have been starting in second gear!
Well, thanks for all the help! I'm still going to check into everything that was mentioned just to be sure I'm at peak performance but this will cure my main issue with the car and I couldn't be happier!
Thanks so much everyone, for bearing with me on this!