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Old 10-30-2005, 10:42 AM
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djugurba djugurba is offline
say: Jook-Ur-Pah
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Lake Boon, MA
Posts: 987
sorry to hear about this. I've worked with at-risk, probation-sentenced, and incarcerated kids before, and can concur with the above sentiments regarding kids' need for consistency of example. I had a kid on probation who would call me and invite me to keg parties while he was underage, just because he knew that I was the only person who would explain to him why he should not go.
Firstly, you can be glad that you intercepted her problematic behavior at the point that you did. Stealing often leads elsewhere as the invicibility feelings of teen-dom (dumb?) grow. It's also been small stuff, so that's good as well. However, you've got to make it clear that what she's done is unacceptable.
Whatever you do, square it with your spouse and you must both follow through 100%. Her concequences for future transgressions should be clear and be presented as choices that she has. Ex: If you steal again, you're choosing to (x punishment). Most kids view concequences as things that adults put on them when something goes wrong. This approach will show her the power of her own actions, and that they have consequences. Chances are, it will take some time for her to own the consequences of her actions, but it's a good life lesson to internalize, and well worth your time to properly convey. You also have every right to frame her behavior in reference to your trust in her. It has been compromised, and as such she loses certain privledges that attend trusted individuals.
I would suggest against using volunteerism as a punishment. Service to others should not be something forced or dreaded. Rather, it would be nice to cultivate an ethic of service for life. Maybe during her grounding, you and she can become involved in a volunteer project together. Make sure it is one in which she can easily see her direct benefit to others, and the difference that she individually can make. That makes it easy to talk about how big of a difference she can make for the worse (stealing) as well. But, don't push it. Sometimes it takes a long time to grasp these lessons. In any case, I would include the whole family in the activities, and keep it up long after her punishment is over. Don't make it a tit-for-tat for her monetary transgression... stealing has the potential to do much more harm than the $$ amount, but conversely, service can do much more for the good than one might realize as well.
Good luck- in all the kids I worked with, the ones who did the best were those with strong families.
kevin
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