I'm sort of battling similar issues with my 12 year old stepson. In the last few months we've caught him playing with matches in his room, he has begun frequently lying about homework/grades/etc..., he's doing poorly in school and the icing on the cake; this last week he beat up a couple of sixth graders. One for trying to sit next to him on the bus and the other for not letting him have some of the kid's nachos. Needless to say there's something going on here with anger issues. I'm just not sure what.

He's grounded and pretty much on room arrest. I just don't know for sure how to convey to him the wrongness of his actions so that he "get's it". He expressed some interest in speaking with the school counselor, which we will try and possibly more professional help. Primarily though, we've got to deal with this issue.

Evidently we came off lucky this time. One of the boys he beat up he had in a headlock around the boys neck. Found out that the boy has a shunt from his brain to his stomach. The outcome could have been much worse. Wife and I are both very embarrassed by his actions yet don't know how to make it up to the other parents, if that's possible, other than apologising. I know that were I in their shoes I would not be happy. I would hope my stepson sees this too, but I don't know how to communicate it to him

Many of the previous suggestions were helpful, but more suggestions would also be helpful...

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-livin' in the terminally flippant zone