Got this sent to me from a very old relative. Thought it was kind of funny and figures I'd share with the group.

Republican Logic:


1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.

2. The United States should get out of the
United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U. N.
resolutions against Iraq.

3. "Standing Tall for America" means firing
your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions
about her own body, but
multinational corporations can make decisions
affecting all humankind without regulation.

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a
crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness
and you need our prayers for
your recovery.

6. The best way to improve military morale is
to praise the troops in speeches
while slashing veterans' benefits and combat
pay.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins
unless you someday run for
governor of California as a Republican.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools,
adolescents won't have sex.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle
our longtime allies then
demand their cooperation and money.

10. HMOs and insurance companies have the
interest of the public at heart.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is
sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer
re junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

13. It is okay that the Bush family has done
millions of dollars worth of
business with the Bin Laden family.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed
him, a made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital
affair is an impeachable
offense. A president lying to enlist support
for a war in which thousands die is solid
defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the
powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and
censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades, but George
Bush's Harken Oil stock trade are none of our
business.

18. You support states' rights, which means
Attorney General John Ashcroft
can tell states what local voter initiatives
they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of
vital national interest, but
what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the
country is communist, but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of
international harmony.

21. Affirmative Action is wrong, but it's ok
for your Daddy and his friends
to get you into Yale, the Texas Air National
Guard, Harvard Business School,
part ownership of Harken Oil, part ownership
of the Texas Rangers, the
Governorship of Texas, and then have the
Supreme Court appoint you President ofthe USA.

I laughed so hard I now have to get some OxyContin for my back injury. Pray for me.

and 2 sessions of Clinton in office did so much more for the country

__________________
past MB rides:
'68 220D
'68 220D(another one)
'67 230
'84 SD
Current rides:
'06 Lexus RX330
'93 Ford F-250
'96 Corvette
'99 Polaris 700 RMK sled
2011 Polaris Assault
'86 Yamaha TT350(good 'ol thumper)

Dang! If that's really what Republicans think, I should re-register as an Independant!!

The failed logic of some of those observations is amusing, though.

__________________

Current:
2014 VW Tiguan SEL 4Motion 43,000 miles.

2016 Hyundai Santa Fe Sport (wife's).

Past:
2006 Jetta TDI 135,970 miles. Sold Nov. '13.
1995 E-320 Special Edition. 220,200 miles. Sold Sept. '07.
1987 190-E 16 valve. 153,000 miles. Sold Feb. '06.
1980 300-D 225,000 miles. Donated to the National Kidney Foundation.
1980 240-D manual, 297,500 miles. Totaled by inattentive driver.

I know, those 400 billion budget surpluses and millions of jobs created really sucked. And all those countries he invaded by mistake, what an idiot. Bill Clinton was one of the best president's we ever had. It would be nice if we had a guy in office now who was capable of making decisions that didn't come back to make us look like the most idiotic nation on earth. If he had been allowed to run, he would have kicked Bush's ass.

LOL
I already made my opinion of president/ecomony made known on another thread.
Clinton's lack of motivation in certain international affairs is also being debated elsewhere.
Next?

:p

__________________
past MB rides:
'68 220D
'68 220D(another one)
'67 230
'84 SD
Current rides:
'06 Lexus RX330
'93 Ford F-250
'96 Corvette
'99 Polaris 700 RMK sled
2011 Polaris Assault
'86 Yamaha TT350(good 'ol thumper)

Oh goody, more funny stuff!!
This is from a punk record back in the early 80's.
It's a fictional (obviously) call to the UK's prime minister.
I think the real humor is in how not a lot changes.

*also, big bonus points if anyone knows where this is from*

Greetings:This is the Secretary of War at the State Department
of the United States
We have a problem.
The companies want something done about this sluggish
world economic situation
Profits have been running a little thin lately
and we need to stimulate some growth
Now we know there's an alarmingly high number of young people roaming around in your country with nothing to do but stir up trouble for the police and damage private property.
It doesn't look like they'll ever get a job
It's about time we did something constructive with these people
We've got thousands of 'em here too. They're crawling all over
The companies think it's time we all sit down, have a serious get-together and start another war
The President?
He loves the idea! All those missiles streaming overhead to and fro
Napalm
People running down the road, skin on fire
The Soviets seem up for it:
The Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for years.
Hell, Afghanistan's no fun
So whadya say?
We don't even have to win this war.
We just want to cut down on some of this excess population
Now look. Just start up a draft; draft as many of those people as you can.
We'll call up every last youngster we can get our hands on,
hand 'em some speed, give 'em an hour or two to learn how to use an automatic rifle and send 'em on their way
Libya? El Salvador? How 'bout Northern Ireland?
Or a "moderately repressive regime" in South America?
We'll just cook up a good Soviet threat story
in the Middle East-we need that oil
We had Libya all ready to go and Colonel Khadafy's hit squad
didn't even show up.
I tell ya
That man is unreliable.
The Kremlin had their fingers on the button just like we did for that one
Now just think for a minute-We can make this war so big-so BIG
The more people we kill in this war, the more the economy will prosper
We can get rid of practically everybody on your dole queue if we plan this right.
Take every loafer on welfare right off our computer rolls
Now don't worry about demonstrations-just pump up your drug supply.
So many people have hooked themselves on heroin
and amphetamines since we took over, it's just like Vietnam.
We had everybody so busy with LSD they never got too strong.
Kept the war functioning just fine
It's easy.
We've got our college kids so interested in beer
they don't even care if we start manufacturing germ bombs again.
Put a nuclear stockpile in their back yard,
they wouldn't even know what it looked like
So how 'bout it? Look-War is money.
The arms manufacturers tell me unless
we get our bomb factories up to full production
the whole economy is going to collapse
The Soviets are in the same boat.
We all agree the time has come for the big one, so whadya say?!?
That's excellent. We knew you'd agree
The companies will be very pleased.