Redneck engineering exam

[rickg]

another jewel from the Ford Truck forum

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

[rickg]

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body was that of a Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while fooling around with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body was a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Mississippi, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."

[rickg]

REDNECK DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION

~REDNECK DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION~

1. Last name: ___________
(Check appropriate box)
2. First name: First name:
{_} Billy-Bob {_}Bobby-Sue
{_} Billy-Joe {_}Bobby-Jo
{_} Billy Ray {_}Bobby-Ann
{_}Billy-Sue {_}Bobby-Lee
{_}Billy-Mae {_}Bobby-Ellen
{_}Billy-Jack {_}Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

3. Age:____(If unsure, guess)
4. Sex; ___M ___F ___not sure
5. Shoe size: ___Left ___Right
6. Occupation:
{_} Farmer {_} Mechanic
{_} Hair Dresser {_}Waitress
{_} Un-Employed {_}Dirty Politician

7. Spouse's Name:__________________
8. 2nd Spouse's Name:______________
9.3rd Spouse's Name:_______________
10. Lover's Name:_________________
11. 2nd Lover's Name:________________

12. Relationship with spouse:
{_}Sister {_}Aunt
{_}Brother {_}Uncle
{_}Mother {_}Son
{_}Father {_}Daughter
{_}Cousin {_}Pet

13. Number of children living in household:___
14. Number of children living in shed:___
15. Number of children that are yours:___

16. Mother's Name:__________________
17. Father's Name:___________________
(if not sure, leave blank)

18. Education: 1 2 3 4 (circle highest grade completed)

19. Do you {_} own or {_} rent your mobile home?
(check appropriate box)

20. Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
__ Total number of, vehicles you own
__ Number of, Vehicles that still crank
__ Number of, Vehicles in front yard
__ Number of, Vehicles in back yard
__ Number of, Vehicles on cement blocks

21. Firearms you own and where you keep them:
___ Truck ___Kitchen
___ Bedroom ___ Bathroom
___ Shed

22. Model and year of your car:
pickup:_______194__

23. Do you have a gun rack?
{_} Yes {_} No if no,please explain:

24. Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
{_} The National IEnquirer {_} The Globe
{_} TV Guide {_} Soap Opera Digest
{_} Rifle And shotgun

25. ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
26. ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
27. ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

28. How often do you bathe:
{_} Weekly
{_} Monthly
{_} Not Applicable

29. How many teeth? ___
30. Color of teeth:
{_} Yellow {_} Brownish-yellow
{_} Brown {_} Black
{_} N/A

31. Brand of chewing Tabacco you preffer:
{_} Red-Man

32. How far is your home from a paved road?
{_} 1 mile
{_} 2 miles
{_} don't know

[rickg]

I know you guys are out there. I can hear you snoring.

[TX76513]

This is a true test of your Southern-ness. This test really can't be cheated on, either you know it or you don't. The true southerner should achieve a minimum in the high teens.

1) How many Vienna Sausages are in a can?

2) What was the number and color of Richard Petty's cars?

3) Bill Dance is good at what?

4) What university does Bill Dance root for?

5) Where did Herschel Walker play football (college)?

6) After boiling peanuts for an hour you have what?

7) In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block V8?

8) A Cajun is likely to speak what furrin language?

9) What is a chigger?

10) What is scrapple?

11) Where is "The Redneck Riviera?"

12) What's that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak tree?

13) What follows logically? Johnson, Mercury, __________________.

14) What's the common name for a bowfin?

15) If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get?

16) Who sang "Your Cheatin' Heart?"

17) What are grits made out of?

18) Who was nicknamed "The Bear"?

19) Why is the Blue Ridge blue?

20) What did The Baldwin Sisters make?

21) Who was Andy Taylor's love interest?

22) What are the call letters for the radio station that carries "The
Grand Ol'Opry"?

23) Where would you grow those yellow onions?

24) What sport requires 3 legs and a rope?

25) What instrument did Bill Monroe play (typically)?

26) How many strings on a banjo (two possible aswers) ?

27) When you argue with a fool, what is he doing?

28) What is a scuppernong?

29) Do you want the goats to get into the kudzu?

30) Why do you want to eat "high on the hog?"

31) What color is your John Deere?

32) What do you call the offspring of a mule?

33) What do you harvest when you plant "shade"?


Each correct answer is worth 3 points. You get 1 point just for starting. Answers are below:

[TX76513]

1) 7
2) 43, red and blue
3) Fishin'
4) University of Tennessee
5) University of Georgia
6) Hard peanuts
7) 283
8) French
9) A redbug (small parasite)
10) A sausage-like loaf made out of pig parts
11) Panama City, FL
12) Spanish moss
13) Evinrude
14) Mudfish
15) Nothing. A steer has been castrated.
16) Hank Williams
17) Corn
18) Paul Bryant
19) Because of pollen
20) "The Recipe"
21) Helen
22) WSM
23) Vidalia, Georgia
24) Calf roping
25) Mandolin
26) 5
27) The same thing
28) A wild grape
29) Yes
30) Because that's where the better cuts of meat are. Rich folks live high on the hog.
31) Green
32) Another trick animal-husbandry question. Mules are generally sterile.
33) Tobacco

[Zeitgeist]

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

...I thought that older appliances used either R-11 or R-22.

[moparmike]

I got a score of 27. I need to brush up. I didnt even make the connection of 'evinrude' or Bill Dance (its been so long since I saw Bill Dance Outdoors...).

[Hatterasguy]

I scored 7. I like getting a point just for starting!

[R Leo]

Originally Posted by Zeitgeist

...I thought that older appliances used either R-11 or R-22.

They used to use R12 but have switched to R134a. Really old refigerators used R717 (ammonia) and R764 (sulphur dioxide). Some commercial equipment uses R502 but I've never heard of a refigeration (like a refrigerator or freezer) system using R11 or R22.

[mplafleur]

34 points

[koop]

57

60 if there is such thing as a 4 string banjo, I knew a guy who played banjo and could have sworn it had 4 strings.

Then again, maybe just actually knowing someone who plays banjo is close enough.

[rickg]

Originally Posted by R Leo

They used to use R12 but have switched to R134a. Really old refigerators used R717 (ammonia) and R764 (sulphur dioxide). Some commercial equipment uses R502 but I've never heard of a refigeration (like a refrigerator or freezer) system using R11 or R22.

Reminds me of when a friend and I were getting rid of a bunch of junk on his property. There was an old gas refrigerator from an old camper we needed to get rid of. We diecided to just bust it up so we could throw it into the scrap metal we were hauling off. Never figured it still had a charge in it.
Never smelled ammonia like that before! We had to run like hell and get a hose and flush it down for about a half hour before we could even get close to it.

[The Warden]

Originally Posted by Hatterasguy

I scored 7. I like getting a point just for starting!

You and me both...

[GermanStar]

Originally Posted by koop

57

60 if there is such thing as a 4 string banjo, I knew a guy who played banjo and could have sworn it had 4 strings.

Then again, maybe just actually knowing someone who plays banjo is close enough.

There are both 4 and 5 string banjos. My father, who was a professional jazz guitarist, considered the banjo the most difficult stringed instrument to master.