Does this time of the year have anyone else down?
 

It sure does me. Here's my situation.

College Grad as of the spring. This summer was great, good girl, ok job with lots of free time, good times. Well this fall I started looking for a career, and landed one. Great potential, good starting salary for my age $30-$40k. Well, my girlfriend broke up with me. We lived 100 miles apart since college, she is down there, I am up here, she didn't want to deal with it any longer. Fine, I can put her behind me, it was only a year.

So here I am, 22 years old, living at home. I want to move out, but I need to pay off the debt I accumulated over 4 years of college. That, and I am trying to save up to purchase a place, as opposed to rent. I live 65 miles from work, and have a hellish commute accross the city of Chicago. Any free time I have over the week is spent by eating dinner or going to bed. I get home at 7:30 pm, and need to be out the door at 6:30am to get to work on time. I have no social outlets beyond work or my friends from school. They all have significant others, so they don't go out as often, and I don't think I want to pick up a girl at a bar.

So I am 22, single, living at home, and very little money to spread around. For those of you that met your significant other, where did you do so? I think I missed the boat on meeting her in school...

Well, at 22, you have hardly "missed the boat". When you get to be 48 and you have no significant other for the holidays, come back and talk.

I'm not saying I am out of options, I am just looking for advice as how this game works in the "real world"

Keep trying and look to the future. Otherwise you’ll end up bitter and endlessly grinding axes over your own perceived failings, not unlike a few members here.

There are a huge number of social organizations available. Everything from clubs that go to restaurants and sample different food and wine, to clubs catering to mountaineering snow sports, movie, dance, to classes in pottery, gardening, model building, evening classes schools, churches and well you name it. You live in population dense area. Pick something you like and find a social group, club, or school that serves that interest. Sometimes the goal is less to learn than to simply put yourself in a social setting. Best use of the opportunity and all that.

Thanks for the advice. I have looked into local social clubs, none cater to memebers my age. All of the ski clubs for example require the memeber to be at least 25, or at least those that I have found. Another thing is my lack of free time. The week is shot for me, and the weekend is spent recooperating from the week, and maintaining existing relationships. Another factor is cost. It seems that every dollar I maked is already ear marked for something else. I guess this is a reality of life.

Your still young and you still have alot of opportunities to meet women.
I would focus on the career and make as much money as possible.
When you become successful, women will be available to you.
You may think that you don't want a girl that is materialistic, but most women are, they just don't show you that side of themselves right away.

So, make money!

Get outside of yourself and your own problems. Do some volunteer work in a homeless shelter or something else along that line. It will make you see how good you have it inspite of all your problems, and give you a chance to meet people who have a heart.

Don't sweat it V, I was in the same boat although I never had a women shortage I had a quality women shortage, the women I was running with wern't really the enjoy a Christmas eve together type. Well I enjoyed it but not the way that your looking for.

Then I was in the bank making a deposit and bing bam boom I married the banker.

Moral of the story make lots of money and good things eventually happen.

It's not too late for women scouting, pre-christmas is the absolute best time of the year to meet women, a bunch of women are in the same mood you are.

One, I have no time. Two, seeing other people's problems does not solve my own. While it may make me reflect on my problems in a different light, it does not take away from the fact that these problems still exist, no matter how insignificant

None of the ski clubs are gonna check your id. I used to drop by the office of a professor or teacher who was teaching a class I wanted to take. I asked if I could sit in on the class, and was never turned down. I used this approach at the local art school as well as the college and U I attended. By this means I was able to sit in on a lot of classes, was able to assist on some and taught some classes as well.

As a suggestion, girls love touchable things. As example, the ration of girls to guys at a pottery classes is about 20 to 3. Same with gardening, cooking, and while not exactly touchable, even lit and poetry courses have a high ratio of girls. Again, make the best use of the opportunity. Acknowledge any limitations, such as lack of extra cash, and plow ahead anyway.

This was college, and I am paying for it now

Where to meet someone
 

I met my wife at a local community theater group where I was volunteering my sound technician/design and stage management services.

As a matter fo fact, our theater has brought together many couples which have lasted many years, kids, etc. Theater is a great place to meet people. You don't have to act, just be a volunteer and show an interest, they will probably be willing to train you in what you want to know. Esther here knows how to use power tools, the plug in kind, that is. :eek:
Most community theaters are comprised of folks who have jobs to pay the bills outside.


Check out this photo from a recent production. She met her husband outside of the theater. I think they're divorced,now. Just goes to show you.
Her name is Esther. :sun_smile Maybe I should put this on the Pretty Girls thread.

Theater parties are great,too. I'll stop there about that.

Mainly, do some volunteer work in what interests you LOCALLY.

Thinking of others rather than yourself is a great start. Do something nice for someone you care for.

One of my house mates majored in theater. The parties were worth the price of tuition all by themselves! Lotta very outgoing girls in that dept.

Start being thankful.

Be thankful you went to college, have a job when many don't, and have a great set of parents that are willing to help you still. All of these are going to set you up later down the road, especially the help from your parents. So many are in debt up to their eyeballs with no end in sight these days.

This time period in your life will pass soon enough. Go home and give your parents a big hug and tell them you love them. Don't focus on yourself so much and be thankful for every little thing you have.

Women have a way of falling in your lap when you least expect it. I'd work hard, play hard, while appreciating what you have, and the girl will come when it's time.


Happy Holidays. :sun_smile

I met mine when I was 27 married her at 30........we met at a neighbors birthday party and she caught me eye...avoid the bar scene...good for picking up someone to bang for the night or pick up an STD...bad for meeting good women. Odds are you will meet miss perfect when you least expect to.....

Women sense desperation and avoid it........I have more women flock to me now than I did when I was single and looking...when you are looking none are interested....when you are not interested thats when they want you.....

Pay no attention to these people. They’re all caught up in this spirit of the season nonsense. First thing you need to do is go out and join an athletic club. You’ll feel better and develop the extra energy you’ll need to compete in the boring grind you’ve entered into. Forget about women in bars as long as you live at home, you’ll have to have a place to take them and women in Chicago are into older guys anyway. Learn to use bus depots and if there are blood banks that pay for donors learn to catch them on the way in. Buy an expensive looking knockoff watch. You’ll have the good feeling that comes from not paying full price and the women that are actually impressed will be easy. You may need more stress in your life to make you more aggressive. Start making payments on a really expensive car a get even further into debt. If you want to be great you’ve got to act like you are. Learn to play Poker – this is catching on and most of the player’s stink. It may be one way to get on the fast track in a hurry.
Or if your thinking I’m a complete sh**head, take a deep breath and relax. Right now before you’re really deep into it, sit back and try to find what you really like. Wash all the advertised marketing hype out and consider what really makes you feel good, and your perspective may change dramatically – You really should join the athletic club though – make sure it’s the one popular with the ladies.

Yeah, but you won't whine so much.

No doubt, use the hot air for a blow up doll.

Twenty minutes later, and I am still laughing over that one.

At 22, it's far too early to worry about having 'missed your chance' to meet an SO in college. For one, at least in my experience, no one is sane enough to marry at that age anyway... you and your prospective SOs still have a lot of growing and changing to do. You still need some freedom to move, change jobs, try different things in your life, and so should she. Wait until at least your mid to late twenties before seriously 'shopping' for an s.o., unless of course you meet the right girl between now and then. The last thing you would want to do is marry too early, have one of you realize a few years down the road it was a mistake, and find yourself single at an older age -- ask me how I know ;)

Suggestions:

(1) Find something to do one day a weekend that is active and allows you to meet others. There are hiking clubs, dinner clubs, volunteer groups that do things like building houses for poor people, and weekend classes. Set a goal for yourself to sign up for something along these lines at least one weekend in January. It's easy, no commitment, will make you feel like you've accomplished something, and then you can decide whether to continue with that particular activity. I do agree that you don't have time or energy during the week, so stop feeling bad about that and plan for your weekends.

(2) Decide how much money you need to save to buy your own place. Then project out what you're saving now, to determine when you'll be 'done'. If you're in an unhappy situation, it always helps to know when you'll reach the light at the end of the tunnel. Plus, you can decide when to start house-shopping. If the magic date is too far in the future for your liking, you can take steps now to address that (increase income, decrease expeditures, or scale down your target figure).

(3) Don't listen to the advice that you'll only get women when you get money. You will certainly have better chances with a certain kind of woman who has certain priorities if you can flash cash... of course, it's up to you to decide whether that's the kind of woman you want or not :rolleyes: If you want career success, put in the work for yourself and to achieve your goals, not someone else's.

The holidays get a lot of people down... I'm also sans s.o., not dating by choice (but I'll still whine about being lonely, so there), and worst of all for me, this is my son's Christmas to be with his dad, so I'm right there with you. Stay busy, stay out of the bars :), and keep your eyes on your goal, and you'll be okay.

Now THAT is good advice.

I am not looking for the one to marry, more for companionship right now.

Get a dog.

at the risk of stating the obvious, and, at the risk of being labeled a boor, i think he's looking more for a cat......a small one.

Hey man, having been there not too long ago, a couple of ideas for you. First, DON'T buy a place. The fact is you're going to move in the next few years anyway, so why not just rent until you figure out in what area you're going to live? Not having to save up for a down payment frees you up to get out of your partent's and rent a place now. So... rent a place in a cool area that you like, preferably near your friends and HAVE A GOOD TIME.

on a more serious note, and i don't mean to sound pajorative, patience, patience. the SO will happen and if it is not forced it will be life changing. good luck......also, a word of caution to one with so much on the ball so far.....after you pay off the debt----stay out of debt. a very rich man said once," those who understand interest, collect it; those who don't, pay it." Did i mention he's rich?

Like I said.....stop trying to find a woman and they will come looking for you....nothing is more irresistible to a woman that a man that is NOT oogling all over her, or that seems like he doesn't NEED a woman....

And avoid the gold diggers.......they are easy to spot....they are the high maintenance types that are always blowing money on something or other....stay with the women that are happy to be with you....regardless of what you are doing......even if its just watching the sunset fron your back yard.

Now I'm laughing.

Honestly, V if your boo hooing on the forum it's a safe bet you don't have that dynamite 24/7 load of confidence and happiness that EVERYONE NOTICES. Unforunatly they notice the down mooder's and run in the opposite direction. Until you start projecting a positive image it's only going to get worse.

I suggest some time with 1 dollar a dance college student, most of their lives are so screwed up it's likely you'll feel pretty good about yourself and thank uncle Medmech in the morning.

Stick with it. Remember, you are just starting out. Make some goals for yourself short and long term. If you decide the job is too much travel and eats away too much time, just try and look for another and maybe even interview b4 you quit so you have no gaps. I met my S.O. in college. Just give it time. At 22 you have pleanty of time. The right person will come along. No need to rush. Best of luck!

Christmas is a ying-yang for me. My five year old still believes in Santa, and it's wonderous. We have all the family here, and it's terrific. But, my Mom loved this time more than anything, and this is my third one withour her. Makes it really, really, really tough.

So, count me on both side, love it, hate it.

Sounds like depression. It could be seasonally induced, if it lasts more then a few weeks definitely consider seeing a doctor. By all means start exercising, take an aerobics class or something that forces you to be around other people in a non work setting.
You are way too young to be worried about having a girlfriend. Get a hobby and don't worry about meeting someone. Assume you will never meet someone and find ways to entertain yourself and keep yourself happy. Of course you will meet someone but why concentrate on something you can't force. It will happen when you least expect it. My friend met his future wife when she walked onto the elevator he was riding.
Would you want to date someone that wasn't happy in their own skin? It sounds cliche but waiting for someone else to make you happy never works and will crush you in the end.
If I could keep my knowledge I would trade places with you in a heartbeat.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and hazard to guess that you ain't gonna find the answer at Mercedesshop.com Open Discussion, or any other dot com for that matter. Push yourself away from the keyboard and go live a life. Don't end up like these losers who live their miserable lives on the internet. And don't do anything stupid either. Suicide is lethal. (humming the theme from M.A.S.H.)