Count your blessings.....he could be having all the old ladies over from th eretirement home for lovefests........

now if a visual image of walking in on that won't scar you for life I don't know what will.








Just keep the viagra locked up......

__________________
Proud owner of ....
1971 280SE W108
1979 300SD W116
1983 300D W123
1975 Ironhead Sportster chopper
1987 GMC 3/4 ton 4X4 Diesel
1989 Honda Civic (Heavily modified)
---------------------
Section 609 MVAC Certified
---------------------
"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche

I don't berate him. I give what I get. If he gives me an attitude, I give it right back.

If he makes I mess, I tell him about it. I don't raise my voice unless a voice is raised while addressing me.

The last thing a person in this position(me) can be is passive or they'll walk right over you.

Dealing with him is his state is the same as dealing with a child. Give him a foot, he'll take a yard. Hence, the foot cannot be given.

You should see the difference in his tone of voice when he's speaking to me(sluggish, almost seeking pity IMO) and when he's on the phone with a friend(alert, conversant) or speaking to my wife or a stranger in a store.

Thanks

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

Whatever you say. Your dad is not a child. He is brain damaged. Getting angry or intolerant with your dad (as you post indicated you did) does nothing positive for either of you.

Caring for disabled folks is an exercise in tolerance on the part of the care givers.

If being a fastidious person is where your and your household's comfort level is, you are in for a very rough time.

__________________
...Tracy

'00 ML320 "Casper"
'92 400E "Stella"

It sounds like a good idea but all of his grandkids, with the exception of the newborn, are teenagers and they do not have the slightest thing in common. He;s never made an effort to get close to my stepson or my son, so my son has always been the same towards him. My kid has always been closer to my wife's parents. Much like when I was a kid.

As far as he and I, prior to his stroke, we used to engage in some good political debate, now it seems that all he does is look for things to complain about.

I realize that it must be difficult for him, losing all of his freedom and relying on someone else to do what he has always done for himself, but at least try and listen to the one person who has taken it upon them to help you.

I tell him all the time that everything is not a cuban conspiracy.

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

I don't sweat it, I just vent my frustrations out to you guys over the net.

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

Have you ever dealt with an elderly person? I have on several occasions and they share a common bond with children, the crave attention. Stroke victim or not.

My mother was the same way, aunts uncles, I see it in other people's parents.

I'm very tolerant. I've been taking care of him and his problems for almost 10 months now.

I did get upset when he made the mess, but I didn't take it out on him. I waited for him to smoke his first cigarette of the day, then simply pointed it out to him and told him that I don;t appreciate the mess. Would it have been better to just pick it up and not say a word?

Again, give a foot, they take 3. The other day, he pissed on the toilet seat. I cleaned it up and pointed out to him what he did while mentioning that my kids shouldn't have to clean up his piss in the morning. He hasn't done it since.

If I didn't say anything, do you think it would have worked itself out? Probably not.

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

Well, gosh, I'm humbled by your expertise. My meager experiences are limited to working as a graduate research studied in gerontology, where I wrote grant winning papers on the topic of treatment for stroke victims (as well as treatment of Alzheimer’s patients), and then there is the span where I helped take care of my dad for 3 years after he had several strokes.

I'm out of this topic. I wish you, your family, and especially your dad the best of good luck. It is very difficult to live with a stroke victim….

__________________
...Tracy

'00 ML320 "Casper"
'92 400E "Stella"

Nope, I didn't go to school or write award winning papers, I just see what I see.

Even though we disagree, I appreciate the advice and the good wishes nonetheless.

On the lighter side:

I brought him his cigarettes(Marlboro) and he said" these are not the ones I smoke, they're longer" I promptly broke them in half and beat him over the head with a newspaper.

On an even lighter side, my friend has 2 elderly parents who recently were put in ALF's. They could have roomed together but elected to be put in gender separated rooms.

After 60 years! Talk about a mid-life crisis.

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

Why all this talk of Alf?

That was my fathers roomate. A little less hairy though!

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

Is he taking any anticoagulants?

__________________

Yessir!

Here's his list of daily pills:

Temazepan
Flomax
Vitamin C
Plavix
Lotrel
and
Toprol

I just got home and he was trying to eat pudding with a fork. I said Pop, WTF, he said this is pretty good........Then I hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper.

And proceeded to give him a spoon! After I cleaned up the mess he made trying to throw th ecover of the pudding out.

Woosah! Woosah! I said as I gently ribbed my ears.

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

I saved this story from I think Dear Abby but for the life of me I can't find it in my "filing" system.

It goes something like this:

An aging widower moves in with his son's family. The son has a modest home, a wife and a young son of his own. Meals were the traditional family gatherings but the son became increasingly annoyed with his dad at the dining table. The old man with failing sight and hands troubled with arthritis, made each meal an ordeal of spilled drinks, dropped utensils, broken dishes and food missing the intended target. Losing patience the son finally banished his dad to eat off in the corner with a wooden bowl and wooden utensils and paper spread on the floor. The old man suffered in silence and never complained.
One day the dad noticed his young son determinedly carving a crude wooden bowl and spoon. He asked his son what he was doing and the son replied that he was making a bowl and spoon for him for when he got older. The father was shocked and that evening, he gently guided his father back to his seat at the dining table and nothing more was ever said about it.


glenmore

I think I should clear something up here as I feel some people have gotten the wrong impression by me saying that I will not tolerate a mess in my house.

I understand that he will make a mess and have and will continue to pick up after him. Was I wrong in pointing out to him that he made a mess? It's not like I beat him over the head, I just pointed it out to him.Am I wrong in telling him when he is dressed improperly?

I get the impression that some would have me let him do as he pleases and I should keep my mouth shut.

FYI, my father gets treated like royalty in my house. We serve him his food as if we were his servants, we wash his clothes everyday, give him his medication even though he doesn't remember himself(or care). We take him with us to family gatherings.....etc... He is our family.

We typically eat at different times, so yes he does eat by himself a lot, but that's his choice, not ours.

i am constantly wiping his mouth, or reminding him to do so when he is able. I've taken care of elderly or sick people before, none of that bothers me.

We even let him eat at the dining room table. (Tongue in cheek remark) instead of in the corner like we used to

If anything, he gets upset when I remind him things, not because he has to wipe his mouth for example, but because he forgot.


If someone has a problem with me telling him not to make a mess, than the problem is yours not mine.

BTW, I see no problem with anyone, young or old eating with a wooden/plastic bowl if they keep breaking the glass ones and possibly hurting themselves or others.

Thanks

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

I get no impression other than that you should be commended for taking care of your dad. It is a TOUGH job. For me, I just try and keep the above story in mind whenever my father-in-law is over.

glenmore