Favorite Chuck Norris Movie - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

420SEL · #1 12-22-2005, 12:04 PM

Its Christmas time, and as usual, one starts to think about which Chuck Norris movie he will find under the tree as a gift from a loved one. Which is your favorite?

GermanStar · #2 12-22-2005, 12:12 PM

How surreal...

H2O2 · #3 12-22-2005, 12:46 PM

This IS a joke, right?

JMela · #4 12-22-2005, 01:29 PM

Chuck Norris Facts -- probably nsfw...

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

MTI · #5 12-22-2005, 02:36 PM

Meng Long Guojiang as the character "Colt"

#6 12-22-2005, 03:02 PM

Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact teas-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not see dead people; he makes people dead.

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'".

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.

Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down!

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's $hit.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

kott · #7 12-22-2005, 04:06 PM

Incredible... and hilarious!

Bill Wood · #8 12-22-2005, 05:03 PM

I wouldn't be too hard on Mr. Norris...

Did you know that his brother, Wieland, was KIA in Vietnam in 1970?
Did you know that he is a very strong supporter of the US Military and is a spokesman for the Veterans Administration?
Did you know that when he was a spokesman for the United Way he helped bring in over $2B in contributions?
Did you know that he has won the Jewish Humanitarian of the year award?
Did you know that he is a motivational speaker for severial Christian ministries?

A little closer to home for me...
Here's a picture of my cousin, General John W. Handy presenting Chuck Norris with a recognition award for all of his work with the US military.

Frank X. Morris · #9 12-22-2005, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MTI

Meng Long Guojiang as the character "Colt"

Howdy MTI,
My vote also :-)

#10 12-22-2005, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MedMech

Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact teas-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not see dead people; he makes people dead.

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'".

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.

Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down!

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's $hit.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

You ought to be a "top-ten" writer for Letterman!

#11 12-23-2005, 10:53 PM

While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can't do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

Chuck Norris is the only male to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to spell "Doom" in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Ever.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.

420SEL · #12 03-13-2006, 07:07 AM

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1142242633/The_Chuck_Norris_Facts

View Poll Results: Your favorite Chuck Norris Movie is...
Lone Wolf McQuaide	7	36.84%
Missing in Action	3	15.79%
An Eye for an Eye	1	5.26%
The Octagon	2	10.53%
A Force of One	0	0%
Good Guys Wear Black	1	5.26%
Forced Vengence	0	0%
Code of Silence	0	0%
Top Dog	0	0%
Other	5	26.32%
Voters: 19. You may not vote on this poll