Four funerals in a year - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Kuan · #1 04-27-2006, 08:04 PM

Tomorrow will make it five in two years. OK, I missed one but my wife went. How about that for luck eh?

Early heart attack, pancreatic cancer, pancreatic cancer, old age, colorectal cancer.

kerry · #2 04-27-2006, 08:11 PM

That's unpleasant. Attending funerals is never something you want to get used to. I find the old age ones somewhat easier to deal with.

raymr · #3 04-27-2006, 09:07 PM

I wish they could be a little more upbeat somehow. After all, its something everyone has to do, one way or another. I just went to one last week for a 18 year old kid from our old neighborhood - car crash. His parents took it very well and were introspective about it all, but the worst part was seeing his grandparents there. That hit me very hard.

Kuan · #4 04-27-2006, 09:15 PM

Yeah I've had enough of them. This one's a Catholic one. Here comes another Theodicy. Pretty much heard them all.

Jewish ones are the most gut wrenching. The Irish celebrate by drinking.

kerry · #5 04-27-2006, 09:29 PM

When my colleague in sociology died this year, his daughter gave a eulogy. She was obviously a devout Christian and in the eulogy she was trying to convince herself that her dad had really been a believer (when he showed no evidence of belief). It was heart wrenching.

davestlouis · #6 04-28-2006, 12:01 AM

I worked in a mortuary for spending money for 3 years while I was in college, almost got in the business as a funeral director. At the time I really enjoyed the business, now I'm 40ish and the whole issue of death(mine specifically) seems more real to me now. I am really glad I didn't do it for a living. I understand that depression becomes a problem once a director starts burying his contemporaries...gets the potential for his own demise thrown in his face every day.

JCE · #7 04-28-2006, 12:26 AM

On the other hand, if you spend a few years working in an ER, a Chemo facility, or an Alzheimers unit, you come to believe that there are worse things than dying.

boneheaddoctor · #8 04-28-2006, 12:29 PM

Not four funerals...but one aunt died sunday...one uncle had a stroke at the funeral home, and another aunt fell and brok her hip at the same funeral. All in 4 days.

Dee8go · #9 04-28-2006, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kuan

Yeah I've had enough of them. This one's a Catholic one. Here comes another Theodicy. Pretty much heard them all.

Jewish ones are the most gut wrenching. The Irish celebrate by drinking.

There's something refreshing about people who can celebrate the good times in a person's life after the've died. I think that's how I would prefer to be sent off. The only bad part is that the guest of honor doesn't get to enjoy the party, . . .

cmac2012 · #10 04-29-2006, 02:12 AM

This'll really cement my reputation but I think we lost something when we started paying other people to bury our family members. A lot of people have real trouble just coming up with the $5 to $10 thousand.

When my dad died in 2000, my mom and I went to the funeral home to get everything arranged. He had bought in on some kind of plan so these were the guys we were bound to go with.

The front man was very smooth, a decent guy, but when they introduced us to the mortician, whoa man, she was a scary looking woman. I'm sure many, most morticians are fine people but this lady gave me the willies. Was way creepier looking than any woman on the Adam's family.

I've read about guys who built their father's coffin out of simple wood, and dug the hole themselves, with friends (would be hard to arrange the legality of that I'll bet). I heard one guy on NPR describing doing something like that and he said it really helped with the grieving process.

I guess most people are too freaked out about the thought of worms eating their body -- would rather be pickled and put in a concrete lined hole. I read one guy's take on that once: "The earth has sustained me these many years. I owe the earth one body." I want to be eaten by critters after I'm gone. Might find a touch of immortality behind that.

RG5384 · #11 04-29-2006, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kerry edwards

That's unpleasant. Attending funerals is never something you want to get used to. I find the old age ones somewhat easier to deal with.

Yeah two in one year was faaaar too much for me. One didnt' bother me so much, it was my dad's best friend's(kind of like an uncle to me) who died of cancer around the age of 65. However, the other was for my best friend, age 20, and that REALLY messed with my head. Funerals arent ever fun i'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. I also agree with the trying to celebrate the life outlook. I don't know if i take that standpoint because i was necessarily FUBAR throughout the whole thing, or whether it was actually to celebrate his life. However, at any rate, being incredibly wasted seemed to help the whole greiving process, the irish are on to something.

t walgamuth · #12 04-29-2006, 06:08 AM

well four in a year doesnt sound bad to me.

the toughest are when young people die.

personally i dont mind going to funerals (excepting the ones for kids). you get to meet a lot of folks you rarely see and if the person isnt family you learn about them by meeting their family. it helps the grieving process.

my dad died a little over a year ago. we have a big kindof loud family. loving though sometimes a bit insensitive to others (especially each other it seems). i was asked to talk about dad. dad had a pretty healthy outlook on death which i try to emulate. being christian we believe we are going to a better place. anyway, i decided to talk about fun things. my dad was a story teller. he was truthful but made it entertaining. he especially liked telling storys to kids. so i made a list of his storys with emphasis on the fun part of it. it was amazing how differently we each remembered the stories. there were a coulple in which harsh words were exchanged between siblings over details of dad's stories. but at the funeral it was nice.

of course dad was 84 and had terminal bone cancer but died from kidney failure so was spared a lot of pain from the cancer so it was pretty easy to let go for his sake.

i share the idea of a simple wooden box and letting my body go back to earth. but my family may be more comfy with a conventional funeral. some folks suffer when their loved ones bodies are creamated, for example.

i also have become pretty good friends with a funeral director here who has a lovely old house/ funeral home. i have done at least eight architectural projects for him starting in about 1976. that has gradually also taken a lot of the mystery of death and funerals away for me too.

i have always taken my kids along when a relative dies too, i feel it is a healthy thing for them to experience and try to treat it as a part of life. they always seemed pretty unaffected by it when they were little. i feel that if left home when their grandfather was buried, for example, would feel later to have been left out of an important event.

death is a part of life, and we all just have to try to get over it and move on with our lives. if you lose a close person, of course, that is easier said than done.

tom w

kerry · #13 04-29-2006, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmac2012

This'll really cement my reputation but I think we lost something when we started paying other people to bury our family members. A lot of people have real trouble just coming up with the $5 to $10 thousand.

When my dad died in 2000, my mom and I went to the funeral home to get everything arranged. He had bought in on some kind of plan so these were the guys we were bound to go with.

The front man was very smooth, a decent guy, but when they introduced us to the mortician, whoa man, she was a scary looking woman. I'm sure many, most morticians are fine people but this lady gave me the willies. Was way creepier looking than any woman on the Adam's family.

I've read about guys who built their father's coffin out of simple wood, and dug the hole themselves, with friends (would be hard to arrange the legality of that I'll bet). I heard one guy on NPR describing doing something like that and he said it really helped with the grieving process.

I guess most people are too freaked out about the thought of worms eating their body -- would rather be pickled and put in a concrete lined hole. I read one guy's take on that once: "The earth has sustained me these many years. I owe the earth one body." I want to be eaten by critters after I'm gone. Might find a touch of immortality behind that.

I agree, dividing labor when it comes to death is alienating. It would be very therapeutic for me to cut the wood, hammer the nails, and dig the hole for a friend. Something about moving my body in the interests of grief would be helpful.
I think if I managed a Home Depot I'd try a section with coffin building supplies and see what happened.
There's a nun somewhere who designs coffins that can be used as a piece of furniture when you're alive and converted to a coffin upon death. I like that idea. Being buried in a box that was once my bookshelf would seem to be a fitting end.

This isn't the one I had in mind, but the same idea:

http://www.casketfurniture.com/casket_furniture.php

Some years ago I saw a very cool solid copper casket at an estate sale. I don't think it ever had been used. It was in a house, as a piece of furniture. I've always regretted not buying it. It was only $125.

Lebenz · #14 04-29-2006, 11:45 AM

One of the traditions we follow is that once the coffin has been put in place, family and others who want to, can drop a shovel full of dirt (or more) onto the coffin. The sound of dirt and especially rocks hitting the coffin makes an unforgettable reverberating drumming. It creates a very powerful moment, which is reflected in faces of those attending.

t walgamuth · #15 04-29-2006, 12:45 PM

i have this image of the funerals in the cowboy movies, with the family and friends all putting a shovel in. and the minister saying "ashes to ashes dust to dust". it seems fitting and helpful with closure. i also like the 23 psalm, king james version.

tom w