|
|
|
#1
|
||||
|
||||
Comic Relief
I don't intend to start a Democrats vs. Republicans boxing match with this, because I have a pretty strong dislike for BOTH parties.....
I just thought this was damned funny. Mike _________________ A West Texas cowboy was tending his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Oakley sunglasses and YSL tie leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his 17"-screen Dell notebook computer, connects it to his high-end Nokia/AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full color, 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser-Jet printer, and finally turns to the cowboy, smiles, and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right! Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals, and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what business you are in, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" Without hesitation, the cowboy says, "You're a paid consultant for the National Democratic Party." "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how in hell did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here unannounced, even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for providing me with an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You brought all of this unneeded equipment, and went well out of your way, using pointlessly expensive transportation, just to show me how much smarter than me you are... and you wasted god-only-knows how much money doing so... and you obviously don't know a goddamn thing about cows........ ...Now give me back my dog."
__________________
_____ 1979 300 SD 350,000 miles _____ 1982 300D-gone---sold to a buddy _____ 1985 300TD 270,000 miles _____ 1994 E320 not my favorite, but the wife wanted it www.myspace.com/mikemover www.myspace.com/openskystudio www.myspace.com/speedxband www.myspace.com/openskyseparators www.myspace.com/doubledrivemusic Last edited by mikemover; 05-10-2006 at 05:38 PM. |
#2
|
||||
|
||||
A Texan visits New York for the first time, and continually aggravates his New York host by telling him, each time he was shown a landmark, how in Texas, they had the same thing, but bigger and better.
Finally the New Yorker showed the Texan the Empire State Building, and the Texan scoffed, Hell in Texas we have outhouses bigger than that. And the New Yorker said, "Yes, and you need them...."
__________________
1991 560 SEC AMG, 199k <---- 300 hp 10:1 ECE euro HV ... 1995 E 420, 170k "The Red Plum" (sold) 2015 BMW 535i xdrive awd Stage 1 DINAN, 6k, <----364 hp 1967 Mercury Cougar, 49k 2013 Jaguar XF, 20k <----340 hp Supercharged, All Wheel Drive (sold) |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Quote:
|
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Quote:
|
#5
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
Lighten up, man. It's just a joke..... Mike
__________________
_____ 1979 300 SD 350,000 miles _____ 1982 300D-gone---sold to a buddy _____ 1985 300TD 270,000 miles _____ 1994 E320 not my favorite, but the wife wanted it www.myspace.com/mikemover www.myspace.com/openskystudio www.myspace.com/speedxband www.myspace.com/openskyseparators www.myspace.com/doubledrivemusic |
#6
|
||||
|
||||
The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were
flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy." Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy." Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy. |
Bookmarks |
|
|