About 3 weeks ago my mom sent 5 gourmet smoked salmon to people she has done business with over the last few years. These smoked salmon which were packed in a carved wooden box cost about $50 a piece not including shipping. My mom routinely does this at the start of the holiday season, but every year she sends to different people.

My mom had expected everyone who got the gifts to call, email, send a card, etc saying "Thank you". 3 people thanked my mom, the other 2 said nothing. She called the company that sent the salmon to be sure they had been shipped and was told they had all been shipped and delivered. The company even provided date, time, and name of the person who signed for the package. My mother was boiling mad.

My question is this: Is it normal to thank people for something they send you out of the blue or do you only thank them if the gift is real expensive? Same thing happened to my mom last year, she got upset then too.

A thank you would be nice, but she shouldn't get upset. A business gift is just that, business. Women are into the card thing, most men aren't. Tell her to forget about it and move on.

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Question Authority before it Questions you.

It would be nice if people did write a thank you note, but plenty don't get that. I'd be a tad miffed but wouldn't get stretched out about it.

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1986 300SDL, 362K
1984 300D, 138K

One shouldn't give gifts if doing so only to get recognized for the act.

Exactly. Some people also consider it sucking-up and ignore the jesture.

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Question Authority before it Questions you.

I am giving some very expensive gifts this year for business reasons and would be shocked (and think it innapropriate) if I got a thank you, because the gifts are an acknowledgment of the BUSINESS that these folks bestowed upon my family. Would you send a thank you if you received a bribe?

John Doe, you're so right, but I should add that half the reason she wanted to hear a "thank you" was so that she knew they had gotten the gift. Last Xmas I got a gift from someone who sent me some filets from a steakhouse and inside the box there was a card suggesting that I call the sender to let them know I had gotten their gift.

Incidentally, these people that she's done business with aren't people who gave her business, but people to whom she's given business. These are people she has paid for a service and not people who have paid her, but I guess it works both ways

Giving things is one thing, having expectations is another ...

But certainly there is a lack of understanding in the "Thank you" gesture nowadays ...

... maybe those didn't like the salmon ... maybe a can with 'Spam' would have been more suitable ...

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...oh, and BTW, that and other reasons contributed for me not to participate in the 'general gift exchange' ....esp. in business...anymore

...de facto, my gift to them is me saying "Thank you" ... it works.

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Have her send the $50 box of salmon to me - I will send her a handwritten (gasp) thank-you card.

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It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein


09 Jetta TDI
1985 300D

A gift is given freely, with no expectation of recompense.

A gift is received humbly, with profuse thanks to the provider although no thanks are needed.

Not all people on earth are civilized.

You got your answer--no need to justify.

Oh HELL yeah. Bribe my ass and see if I ain't yer be-atch.

Uh, I ain't cheap and I ain't worth it.

B

Slihtly off-topic, but have you ever held the door open for a complete stranger and have them not acknowledge it, like you're friggin' doorman?

That irks me. I always blurt out "you're welcome" or "no need to thank me"

Aholes!

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Enough about me, how are you doing?

I hold the door because I want to do it, not so that the beneficiary acknowledges my contribution.

It's like a gift. If I give somebody something (whether it is my child, my wife or a client), my payment is already received: I wouldn't give something unless the gift and gifting pleased me.

In a sense (and I mean no blasphemy), it is like God's grace. A gift that you cannot earn, freely given.

If you expect something in return (a thank you, a gift, whatever) it is a transaction with an implied obligation, not a gift.

B