Light the fires and blow the horns: Gavin Newsom's career nipped in bud - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

cmac2012 · #1 02-04-2007, 06:52 AM

Never liked the young fellow anyway. Guy had a reckless air about him, way taken with himself.

Unforgivable breach of Man Code
- C.W. Nevius
February 3, 2007

When the Gavin Newsom scandal broke, most of us assumed the public reaction would be a no-brainer. Sleeping with a married woman? How do you think that would play with wives, girlfriends and single women in the Bay Area?

As a Newsom staffer told a Chronicle reporter, there goes the women's vote.

But a funny thing happened after the headlines hit and the buzz began: Many women said they were ready to forgive and forget.

Not men, though. No way. Many said they would never trust Newsom again as long as they lived. Some were livid; many were incredulous.

The difference? Apparently it is the Man Code, a set of rigid but unwritten boundaries over which no man may step. Break the Man Code, and you're toast.

"It's a huge betrayal," sputtered Jason Mundstuk, 67, a business owner from Oakland who got upset just talking about it. "It's big. It's mythical."

C'mon, you say, what is this, a TV beer commercial? Evidently not. These guys were dead serious. Make no mistake -- having an affair with the wife of a trusted male colleague is an irrevocable Man Code violation.

"Hello?" wrote Mike Mulholland, 43, who grew up in the Bay Area before moving to San Diego County. "Newsom slept with his friend's wife. What if he stole from a friend? Or tried to frame a friend? Would that also be nobody's business?"

OK, haven't we heard this before? After all, Bill Clinton had his indiscretions with Monica Lewinsky. Former San Jose Mayor Ron Gonzales had a relationship with a 25-year-old member of his staff. So when news of Newsom's affair broke, the reaction of some women was: Are we supposed to be surprised by this?

"I feel like it's the norm now," said 19-year-old Jackie Abramo, who was having lunch with friends at Westfield San Francisco Centre on Friday. "I think it is sad, but it is almost expected."

Expected? The norm? Don't tell the men that.

"When you talk about things that are as low as you can go, without being criminal, this is it," said C.J. Keane, 43, of San Francisco. "Clinton, Gonzales, none of those guys are at this level. (Newsom) slept with the wife of a friend. Are you kidding me?"

It seems that what is at work here is another case in which women are from Venus and men are from the mysterious, dark side of the moon.

"There is a code that men live by," says family therapist Tracey Gersten, a woman. "Women may not know about it, or they may pooh-pooh it, but it is very real. I think if you put a group of men in a room, they'd have no trouble putting a man code together."

They certainly didn't have any trouble coming together on this one. When I wrote a column earlier this week suggesting that many San Franciscans were ready to let the mayor move on, my e-mail box filled up with men who disagreed. So did The Chronicle's voice-mail system. Most of the men who called to react to this week's scandal were upset with the mayor, while most of the women weren't.

Some of the responses were a little off-the-wall. One woman called in to say she thought Newsom campaign manager Alex Tourk, who quit over the incident, should consider it a compliment that "his wife was worth such flattering attention." But several of the women who called said we were making too much of this indiscretion. It happens, they said.

But not in the Man Code world. The reaction from men was loud and clear.

"The betrayal is the big thing," said Colin Hussey, 44, who was among those who wrote me. "Good God, this is your loyal ally. It is that sense of honor. It's like the samurai or even the mafia."

Contrast that with someone like Erika Von Taube. She was visiting from San Diego, but she spoke for many women who didn't see what the fuss was about.

"Who a politician is sleeping with is none of my business," Von Taube said Friday. "I would absolutely vote for him if he was doing a good job."

Chris Lehane, a consultant who worked for Clinton and other top Democrats, says the split isn't a total surprise. Although he stresses that gender generalizations are always dangerous, he thinks some trends do emerge.

"The reality is that men tend to be less forgiving and more ideologically conservative," Lehane says, "while women tend to be more sensitive to human foibles. We see in the poll numbers that women are more likely to come back and be supportive than men."

That's certainly what the mayor's staff is counting on. Newsom's chief political strategist, Eric Jaye, says that while there may be a great deal of reaction now, the mayoral race in November won't turn on the scandal.

"When we leap forward to November, the issues will be what they always are," Jaye says. "Are the buses running on time, and are we still filling those potholes?"

But, I asked Jaye, what about the Man Code?

"We did not consult the Man Code," he said.

Well, all right. But you've been warned.

t walgamuth · #2 02-04-2007, 08:06 AM

there is definately a double standard.

dillying with a single woman is not considered as bad as dillying your best friend's wife.

in the man code.

in my code dillying outside of marriage is verboten for the married person and for the single person.

of course in my younger days i did it once. i am sure many of us have. it is not anything i am proud of.

i was single she was married (unhappily she said). see, by the man code this would draw a pass probably.

but not today, for me.

tom w

Botnst · #3 02-04-2007, 09:53 AM

This will make him a viable national candidate. He's from San Francisco and he's NOT gay and he was not with a dead girl or a live boy.

Shazzam!, instant democrat president.

BENZ-LGB · #4 02-04-2007, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Botnst

This will make him a viable national candidate. He's from San Francisco and he's NOT gay and he was not with a dead girl or a live boy.

Shazzam!, instant democrat president.

That's funny stuff right there.

Possible reasons why women don't seem to be as offended by the mayor's conduct:

1. women know that most men are dogs, therefore they have lowered expectations for our conduct;

2. the mayor is a reasonably goodlooking guy, women are more forgiving of acts committed by a good looking guy; and

3. the mayor was either going through a divorce, or already divorced, so no married woman was "hurt" by his infidelity.

I agree, however, that banging a friend's (supposedly your best friend) wife is an unforgiveable trespass.

cmac2012 · #5 02-04-2007, 02:24 PM

Agreed. Adultry is ultimately bad business. When a lot is at stake, a guy needs to avoid it like the plague. That he would be that weak in a crucial matter is not appealing.

During the whole gay weddings at city hall, I had a problem with his attitude. He was too glib about it, sort of a "see how bold and naughty I am?" Even a lot of SF gays were saying aloud that it would not likely help the gay community, especially just before an election in which Bush would be whipping up anti-gay hysteria.

He's dead in the water IMO.

sixto · #6 02-04-2007, 02:48 PM

A lot could depend on Alex Tourk. He could be the opposing campaign manager in November.

Sixto
93 300SD 3.0

cmac2012 · #7 02-04-2007, 02:51 PM

I think a lot of people were becoming disillusioned with Newsom before this, though his numbers were still pretty high. God, Americans are suckers for a pretty face.

t walgamuth · #8 02-04-2007, 04:10 PM

troo dat.

tom w

BENZ-LGB · #9 02-04-2007, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmac2012

Agreed. Adultry is ultimately bad business. When a lot is at stake, a guy needs to avoid it like the plague. That he would be that weak in a crucial matter is not appealing.

During the whole gay weddings at city hall, I had a problem with his attitude. He was too glib about it, sort of a "see how bold and naughty I am?" Even a lot of SF gays were saying aloud that it would not likely help the gay community, especially just before an election in which Bush would be whipping up anti-gay hysteria.

He's dead in the water IMO.

Carlos mi amigo, we agree on something else.

Coño chico, si esto sigue asi, I am going to have to go to Berkeley and buy you a cerveza!

Jim B. · #10 02-04-2007, 09:29 PM

Newsom likes to call himself a successful entrepreneur, but he was born to wealth, power, privilege and political connections which he parlayed into political office. I was living there and witness to some of it.

His father was retired Appellate Court Judge William Newsom, friends with and closely tied to former California governor Edmund G. "Pat" Brown.
His father went to school in SF with famous oilman J. Paul Getty's son, Gordon Getty. Gavin Newsom's enterprises owed their formation in part to the generosity and support of Gordon Getty

Mayor Willy Brown got him going in SF politics by appointing him to the SF Board of Supervisors. He told a newspaper reporter in 1998 he wanted to be President of the United States one day.

His aunt was married to a relative of rep. Nancy Pelosi.

He's one of the SF "beautiful people" who could do no wrong.

Oops

To the astonishment of the gay community he passed the gay lmarriage legislation.

This latest will make his political future problematic outside of San Francisco and maybe even there. Not that it matters to me personally

t walgamuth · #11 02-04-2007, 11:12 PM

And I am related to George Washington.

and George Wallace.

Maybe.

tom w

aklim · #12 02-05-2007, 12:10 AM

I don't see the problem. If you had a car that was worth $20000 but the engine was breaking down, you know that without a running engine it would be worth a lot less. Here I am, buying that car at 20K from you. What is the problem?

King Stud there took a wife of another man. True. However, if that woman could stray with him, couldn't she also stray with someone else? Before that other man could invest more time in that faithless woman, Studly there took her off his hands. More important, he took a faithless woman off his buddy's hands before his buddy could spend more money and time on her. Hell, his buddy should have at least bought him dinner. You take a problem from my hands and I'll buy you dinner.

cmac2012 · #13 02-05-2007, 01:23 AM

Aklim, Aklim, Aklim....

People tend to be weak. Who knows, in some ways, women may be weaker in this regard than men, though they seem to be stronger in other things.

The husband will always have it in the back of his mind that Newsom took advantage of the closeness with her that his friendship with the husband brought him, and further that he took advantage of her when she was in a weak moment.

I've been tempted once or twice with the wife/ladyfriend of a good buddie. Never did it. There are plenty of women out there yearning for a man. Don't need to phuque up a good friendship for a nice experience that lasts from about 10 minutes up to one night.

One of the wisest women I've known, a good platonic relationship as she was married to a good friend for the first 20 years I knew her, once told me, "you know, sex is great stuff, really great, but it's only about 5% of life."

cmac2012 · #14 02-05-2007, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BENZ-LGB

Carlos mi amigo, we agree on something else.

Coño chico, si esto sigue asi, I am going to have to go to Berkeley and buy you a cerveza!

I better get something other than Corona.

BENZ-LGB · #15 02-05-2007, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

I don't see the problem. If you had a car that was worth $20000 but the engine was breaking down, you know that without a running engine it would be worth a lot less. Here I am, buying that car at 20K from you. What is the problem?

King Stud there took a wife of another man. True. However, if that woman could stray with him, couldn't she also stray with someone else? Before that other man could invest more time in that faithless woman, Studly there took her off his hands. More important, he took a faithless woman off his buddy's hands before his buddy could spend more money and time on her. Hell, his buddy should have at least bought him dinner. You take a problem from my hands and I'll buy you dinner.

You don't f**k your friend's wife.

PERIOD.

If she is going to be unfaithful, let her be unfaithful with someone else.

Your logic is messed up.

But if I were a single guy, I'd sure like to meet your lovely wife!!!