Engineers
 

Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'
" The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golfers!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's ask him." He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with the group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechs build weapons and civs build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Four engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer, just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The third said, "It was obviously a chemical engineer, just think about all the reactions taking place each second in the body."
The last one said, "You're all wrong, it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area? "

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Good ones! :D

An engineer, a mathemtician, and a physicist where taken to a room wherein was a beautiful woman. There they were given these instrucitons: You may have your way with the woman, but you must approach her by increments of one-half of the distance each time. The matehmatician and the physicist immediately turned to leave saying that they could never reach her in this way. But the engineer immediatley began moving towrd the woman saying he could get close enought to make an 'engineering approximation'.

regards,
Mark
BSME

Statistician goes duck hunting hunting with his buddy. Duck flies over and they both get to their feet. Buddy fires first but leads the duck too far and misses. Statistician aims exactly the same distance behind the duck and fires, "Got him!" on average.

Oh thats good!:D

Nice! lmao :D

When I heard this from high school (!) math teacher, it was "close enough for all practical purposes."

Engineers are people who study in great detail, a small portion of the vastness of human knowlege. They go on studying more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing.
Architects, on the other hand, study a little about a great many subjests. As they go on, they learn less and less about more and more, until they know nothing about everything.
I am the poor guy in the field who has to deal with both of them.

My dad's an engineer.

Sometimes we don't get along :)

I remember a thread a long time ago in the diesel discussion about somebody having a bunch of problems with their 300D, and that he was planning on fixing them. He said he had a bunch of engineers in the household.

Someone piped up and said "Engineers?? Boy what you need is mechanics!"

I got a good chuckle out of it.

i have always enjoyed this comparison.

tom w

Tom, I never knew you knew nothing about everything.

i do.

same as you know everything about nothing.

tom w

I do, clearly.

we crack us up!

tom w

Oh yeah you guys are warped. I know a few engineers and you guys are all very technical.:D Love to crank out numbers from equations....:D