Kid needs help - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

raymr · #1 03-28-2007, 11:15 PM

He is flunking out his first year engineering classes, and I have pretty much determined he is not going back to college for that. He has no idea what he wants, and I am considering pushing him towards military service - Air Force, Navy, or Coast Guard. He is better at working with his hands than at grasping lecture material. He never had patience or interest in studying books, but we were hoping manufacturing engineering would spark his interest. It is not to be. Maybe plumbing or HVAC school? Any thoughts?

BENZ-LGB · #2 03-28-2007, 11:20 PM

How old is he?

How were his grades in HS?

What school is he going to now (only if you feel comfortable answering that).

I have 3 kids in college and one will start college soon.

First year is tough, especially for a kid who did real well in HS and then all of the suddden he is competing with other kids who are as talented and accomplished as he is.

It is always a shock.

I don't see any point in:

1. panicking at this juncture; or

2. forcing him to decide on a major.

I always knew that I wanted to be a lawyer, but I had no idea what major to pursue.

I have given all my kids free reign (with guidance from me of course) in picking a major.

Give your kid some room, cut him some slack. college is a lot harder now than it was in my time.

He will thank you later on and you will be happy.

Rash decisions are often regretted down the line.

Let me know if you wish to discuss this further.

raymr · #3 03-28-2007, 11:44 PM

He had a 3.0 weighted GPA. He's 18 and attending Cal Poly. I have no problem with him 'finding himself', but he is burning up lots of money in the process which, unfortunately for me, doesn't grow on trees.

AustinsCE · #4 03-28-2007, 11:49 PM

well, if he like the engineering idea, the next best thing is drafting and design. No real college required.

Austin85 · #5 03-28-2007, 11:55 PM

I would clearly go to any vocational training or on the job training before pointing my kid towards the military.....

It really depends on how lost or unsure he is about what he wants to do.
I mean he is 18 so he hopefully has some say in what road he is told to take for possibly the next 10 -20 yrs....

Does he have a good aptitude in any subjects from HS or any field??
Most kids like 80% - who are his age don't have a clue what they want ot do for a job. They are mostly thinking about opposite sex & friends....etc..

...

raymr · #6 03-29-2007, 12:10 AM

He likes the hands-on aspect of engineering. However calculus and chemistry are *completely* lost on him; it makes no sense to continue on that path. The school will disqualify him next quarter.

BENZ-LGB · #7 03-29-2007, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raymr

He had a 3.0 weighted GPA. He's 18 and attending Cal Poly. I have no problem with him 'finding himself', but he is burning up lots of money in the process which, unfortunately for me, doesn't grow on trees.

My suggestion would be for him to take a one-year leave of absence (I am assuming that Cal Poly is like most colleges and will let him take a one year sabbatical or leave of absence).

During that year off he can use the time to mature some more, to work and save money and to sort out what he wants to do. A year off can give him the opportunity to grow and mature. A year off, in the "real world" will also give him perspective. At the end of the sabbatical, he can eitehr go back to college or he can join the workforce!

I really think that a lot of kids are not ready for the rigors of college right after high school. Some need time off to catch their breath and grow up a little bit.

One of my good friends took a year off from college and used the time to travel around (using his own money). He did a lot of growing up and maturing during that time. After the year was up he finished college and went on to a good law school.

I am not opposed to the military as a career. What I am opposed to is sending someone off to the military just because they can't make it in college.

Raymr, have faith in your kid and trust that whatever you did to raise him will stand him in good stead.

Good luck and keep us posted.

G-Benz · #8 03-29-2007, 12:17 AM

Been there a few decades ago.

College is WAAY too expensive to attend in order to "find oneself". But engineering takes many casualties, especially freshmen.

I suggest community college, self-financed, of course. He can hold a job and take a few classes until he finds something of interest, then re-enroll in a university with credits towards a preferred degree.

If engineering is still of interest, I would NOT recommend the 4-year track. He should take the minimum 12-hour/semester course load, and stretch out to five years. His grades will be far better, and employers don't fault anyone for extending their undergraduate term.

djugurba · #9 03-29-2007, 12:21 AM

at the risk of suggesting an unpopular option, I'd suggest taking a year off. See if there is an AmeriCorps program that interests him, somewhere in the country. Regrettably, the most recent admin. has chopped funding for this program, but some of the programs out there are amazing. (some also are awful...) Try to have a plan for returning to school (hopefully where the major is not set in stone) AFTER the program so that a year off doesn't turn into ten... (ahem, like it did for me!)

I was a team leader and then on staff of a program in Georgia that no longer exists. We had high school grads and masters degreed engineers serving side by side on the same teams, learning about themselves as they made amazing contributions to the environmental needs of metro Atlanta. Not everyone graduated, but those who bought in to the program developed leadership and learned a TON about themselves in the process. One big benefit is an education award that can be put to use for future schooling (accredited schools only, of course)

It beats the crap out of military service (unless it's the coast guard) due to current policy making... but still instills an ethic of civic duty that I think is sorely lacking in our youth (largely).

NCCC is the most military-like option in AmeriCorps, if the service is your thing, but you want to see your child again.

BENZ-LGB · #10 03-29-2007, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djugurba

at the risk of suggesting an unpopular option, I'd suggest taking a year off.

Not an unpopular option. Read my post, a few posts ahead of yours.

Great minds think alike.

Austin85 · #11 03-29-2007, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raymr

He likes the hands-on aspect of engineering. However calculus and chemistry are *completely* lost on him; it makes no sense to continue on that path. The school will disqualify him next quarter.

MY son is 18 a senior in HS. He is doing some volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity next week.
Makes me think if your son likes hands on mechanically oreinted work than let him find a construction related job for a year off from college; and hopefully after a year of that, he'll like the field & also consider getting some college or vocational schooling to further his career in something he knows he likes.

As long as he doesn't decide to go to the military or law school you are OK...

....

Matt SD300 · #12 03-29-2007, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Austin85

MY son is 18 a senior in HS. He is doing some volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity next week.
Makes me think if your son likes hands on mechanically oreinted work than let him find a construction related job for a year off from college; and hopefully after a year of that, he'll like the field & also consider getting some college or vocational schooling to further his career in something he knows he likes.

As long as he doesn't decide to go to the military or law school you are OK...

....

Or Buy a Benz........

truckinik · #13 03-29-2007, 02:28 AM

Yes, I agree with most everyone here. Being only 28 years old, and a business owner with many regrets still. I own a trucking company, of which I also drive one of my trucks. I wish, so often that I had persued something else though. I make a $hit load of money, but still not happy. I two major accounts with a leer service and ship items all over the world which also gets me world travel, to meet new clients. Still not happy.. Wish I'd done something else,Teacher perhaps, anything to do with wildlife or science, executive/Office related. Or Law enforcement, CIA,DEA,FBI something along those lines. The point I'm making is.
I was more or less forced to either get out into the work force, or go to college. My father and mother gave me problems while I tried to "Find myself".
My father forbade me from his business (International arms dealer) due to politics, legal and illegal practices, morals, ethics, and generally a bad way of life. See movie called "Lord of war" Nicholas Cage = My father. Anyways, being forbidden from the "Family Business" and not sure yet what I wanted to do. I was more or less pressured into the work force by my parental units. This is a regret now for me. I feel if they had given me a chance, to "Find myself" I'd be doing something more self fulfilling. Money is definately nowhere near everything. I can spend, and spend for the rest of my life right now with the money I've got put away, and not be happy. I have plans for attending school again full time in September. I'm taking placement tests, and going to finally decide on which one of these options I'll go with. Since I love kids, and passing knowledge on. I will probably persue a career in teaching. I don't need money as I said, but I will be happy with the job. Of course I'll keep my trucks, and Company and it will run itself as it has for a while now anyways. I'll just be out of the truck, and in college, and working instead. Let your son think for a while, about what he'd like to do for himself.
At that age, and with the way kids, and education are today, it is wiser to let him choose, and take his time doing it. Do not worry. He will make a sound decision for himself and he will also consult you for input on it before he finalizes his plan. If it's a year from now, so be it. Just try not to let him get stuck too far in the work force, for atleast a year. (In other words, No career type jobs w/unions, or any of that) No major commitments, with long term obligations. If he ends up in some union job, or something like that, it is possible that he will be blinded by the bennies, pay whatever. He may regret a decision to stay there, a couple of years from now, and have wasted a lot of time finding out. Keep us posted

Hey, One more thing...Keep him out of a big truck, if you can. It's a business a lot of drivers, unintentionally get "sucked into" and regret after time. Most drivers out here started by saying..."I'll drive for a few years, see the country, and go do something else" This doesn't work. It's hard to persue something else if you're behind the wheel of a truck all the time. You can't attend college (Unless online Joke) and you can't even put in a job application, or check out places for school or work. I can't look at colleges, for full time school, 'til I get my rear-end out of the truck perminently. Today I'm in Ohio, Yeterday, Nebraska, tomorrow North Carolina. No time /way, to do much else.

t walgamuth · #14 03-29-2007, 05:51 AM

architecture school has design and not any calculus.

it has fairly rigorous math usage in structures classes though. but conventional math only no calculus.

we had to do one quarter of calculus when i went and i didn't get it. i took a d and moved on even though i had always done excellently in math in high school (i took five years worth in four) and in structures in arch school (with conventional math).

now it is not required to do calculus in arch school (at ball state anyway).

good luck. these life decision things are tough to get right.

for me and my son, i would never suggest military, but my best friend had a very good life changing experience in the army. he was lucky enough to go to germany not vietnam.

tom w

jlomon · #15 03-29-2007, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BENZ-LGB

During that year off he can use the time to mature some more, to work and save money and to sort out what he wants to do. A year off can give him the opportunity to grow and mature. A year off, in the "real world" will also give him perspective. At the end of the sabbatical, he can eitehr go back to college or he can join the workforce!

This is basically what I did, long ago, when I graduated from high school. I passed that last year of school with mediocre grades, not because I couldn't do the work but because I just didn't care to. I was bored and completely lacking in motivation. I made the choice to take a year off between high school and university. I ended up managing the small lube/tire garage that I had been a part-time supervisor at for the previous 2 years while also taking some night-school classes to upgrade my grades in my weakest subjects (which were math and science, just like your son).

The result, for me at least, was attacking university with a passion and graduating with high distinction on the dean's honour list. That year off provided me with clarity and motivation. It helped me figure out what I wanted to do. It also taught me valuable life skills that I have used and continue to use this day. I know my parents had some concerns about me getting hooked on the money I was earning at 18 years old and not going back to school, but that didn't happen. I was managing some people who fell into that trap, and I could see that they hadn't even attained what I was doing at 18 in terms of success or earnings. It was a good object lesson *and* it helped me save for university as well.

Looking back now, 18 years after making that decision, I know it was the right one. At the same time, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have pursued a university degree. I would have gone into a trade to become a plumber or electrician or tool and dye specialist. I think there is an unfair amount of pressure on young people to pursue university as the path to success, that somehow only a degree can get you respect and a job out in the "real world". I disagree. I've written cheques to professional electricians and plumbers to do work that is beyond my skill level so I've got a pretty good idea of what they can earn. And in this day and age, when fewer and fewer people know how to fix things themselves (just like with their cars), people who know how to fix things properly are getting the respect they deserve. Sometimes they almost seem like magicians.