"Germans know all about automobiles, more so even than do the Americans. They have organized and catered for them in ways which they have perfected and refined since Hitler constructed the Autobahns and built a million or more beetle Volkswagens to run up and down them. They have made motoring in the Fatherland easy and comfortable, though possibly a little compartmentalized.

Germans like a place for everything and everything in its place, so Teutonic logic dictates that commercial vehicles are strictly for business and private cars essentially for pleasure. Thus since Monday to Friday are days ordained for toil and Saturday and Sunday days decreed for for holidaymaking it follows that no commercial vehicles should be allowed out on holiday days. They ban heavy goods vehicles from the roads on the latter days which means that many truck drivers find themselves 'weekended' at Geman borders or in lay-bys, unable to move from Friday evening until Sunday midnight--much to their chagrin and the delight of the population. This regulation takes half-a-million juggernauts off the highways for an unwelcomed rest. Officially the reason is to clear the highways for holiday traffic, particularly during summer months--which seems extreme considering the size and capacity of the road system.

Extreme, that is, until you witness the volume of traffic a weekend produces all over Germany and realize that no German driver would consider going anywhere unless it can be reached at 120 mph in a family sedan and 150 mph in a turbo Porsche. And a weekend runabout isn't any fun at all without a monumental multi-car pile-up along the way.

If you ever imagined that the disciplined German nation is drilled to behave well on the roads, disabuse yourself of that false notion. An autobahn in poor weather produces as much motorway madness as anywhere else in the world but at twice the speed. They knock over cars faster than skittles in a 10-lane, 10-pin bowling alley on a big match night. It is just as bad as Britain, France, Italy and Spain except that the Germans lift the mangled victims from the wreckage faster with helicopter blood-wagons and clean up the mess quicker.

However, in ordinary conditions the great roads are so easy to drive on that you can actually relax and enjoy the scenery. There are truly dramatic roads with such features as the great bridge spanning the Mosel Valley, towering high above matchbox mansions with ribbon-thin rivers and roads tracing silver streaks across variegated fields, orchards and vineyards. The Germans put their wealth into splendid mansions and opulent villas which enhance the views.

But amid their plenty and wellbeing these Germans create traps for the unwary motorist. If you wish to enjoy the advantages of the German lifestyle then you must pass their initiation tests: like keeping an eye open to spot the hovering helicopter sitting directly above you and checking your speed.

Unexpectedly: 'Polizei----STOP!!'

"What's the problem?"

"Speedink"

"Rubbish. How do you know? There's been nobody behind me for hours. Anyway, I wasn't speeding at all."

Unsmiling, the policeman points skywards and a persistent chop, chopper noise tells that your number has been called----pay up and smile.

The story goes that, in the days that British drivers treated German laws in a cavalier fashion, preferring to pay up and carry on, those doyens of the run, Dick Snow, Geoff Frost, and Georgie White, were all pulled in together for speeding. The police officer held them at the roadside and summoned his superior.

The local police chief, delighted that his subordinates had at one fell swoop pulled off the remarkable coup of grabbing three of these troublesome British truckers who so plagued his life, rushed to the scene to supervise operations and crow over their downfall. He spoke good English and thought he knew a lot about the baffling British sense of humour. The arresting officer told him that the culprits were called Snow, Vhite and Frost.

"Snow, Vhite, Frost," the police chief mused. Then he stopped. "Snow Vhite Frost," he murmured reflectively and the light of realization dawned in his eyes.

"Snow, Vhite, Frost," he bellowed in triumph, "they're yoking, arrest them."




from: COLA COWBOYS, Franklyn Wood, 1984

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1991 560 SEC AMG, 199k <---- 300 hp 10:1 ECE euro HV ...

1995 E 420, 170k "The Red Plum" (sold)

2015 BMW 535i xdrive awd Stage 1 DINAN, 6k, <----364 hp

1967 Mercury Cougar, 49k

2013 Jaguar XF, 20k <----340 hp Supercharged, All Wheel Drive (sold)

I believe I read somewhere that Hitler built the Autobahns to create the means of moving his tanks across Germany quickly when he began WWII. That's why they are so well-built.

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" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century

OBK #55

1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold
The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles
2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles