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Old 11-12-2007, 01:02 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Visalia, CA
Posts: 379
So I got in a fight...

... With my girlfriend.

She was attempting to bake some gingersnap cookies. I was attempting to relax on a Sunday afternoon with a few beers. About halfway through, she discovers that we're out of ginger. As this obviously won't do for baking gingersnaps, it quickly becomes apparent that one of us will have to go to the store. In the past this sort of discussion has been settled quite quicky, merely by ascertaining which one of us is wearing pants. If you're wearing pants, you have to go to the store. It's simple, but it works.

This time however, I wasn't willing to give up so easily. She had the drop on me (so to speak) as she was already minus pants, or legcovering of any sort, for that matter, but I wasn't ready to give up. I was desparate. I reached out for the only help I could find...

All I found was a bottle of Wild Turkey. Thinking as best I could, I pulled the cork, and guzzled as best I could.

Setting the bottle down, I announced that there was no way I could be expected to go to the store, as I had consumed more alcohol than I should and still drive. Also, in my haste, it was possible that I had spilled a small amount of bourbon, making sure that I smelled strongly enough that anyone could tell I had been drinking.

It was plainly a victory for me. She had no reasonable arguement against me. As she dressed to head for the store, I opened another beer, sat back, and basked in my well earned glory. Warmed by the burn of the bourbon, all I could do was grin happily, laughing just a little at my dog, who, when he looked at me with just one eye, looked just like a pirate. Except he didn't have a parrot. Which was good, because he doesn't really like birds. And also, all of you, that's right, all of you, suck. Because you're always making lefthand turns in front of me without even using your signal. And did I ever tell you about the parrot that lived in my neighborhood for a few months? He perched up in this big tree in my neighbors yard. He would talk to my dog and drive him crazy. Not the parrot, the dog. He's bark and bark (the dog, not the parrot) while the parrot told him to be quiet. It was funny. Really funny. But that was a long time ago. Almost a year. Now it's different. For instance, now we have cookies. Gingersnaps. Which both the dog and I like. And he can eat them because they don't have any chocolate. Because chocolate is bad for dogs. And also raisins. So, in conclusion, never feed your dog raisins. Because they're bad for dogs.


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Old 11-12-2007, 01:24 AM
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91 560 SEC AMG - other dogs dd
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it's automatic.
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Old 11-12-2007, 03:52 AM
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Good for you Sport....You stood your ground as a man should!

Remember Kipling's famous quote"A woman is a woman,but a good cigar is a smoke."

Tell soon did her pants come off apres cookies???
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Old 11-12-2007, 07:25 AM
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Way to go!
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Old 11-12-2007, 07:37 AM
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POS POS is offline
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Your girlfriend should dump your drunk, incoherent, lazy ass.
- Brian

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Old 11-12-2007, 07:44 AM
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Originally Posted by W124.090 View Post
Posting Under the Influence?

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Old 11-12-2007, 07:51 AM
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Originally Posted by SwampYankee View Post
Posting Under the Influence?
Well,his girlfriend was probably too miffed to be the designated typer,and his dog has only one eye.........................................
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Old 11-12-2007, 08:22 AM
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You should NEVER argue with a girl wearing no pants. Leave that for later.
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Old 11-12-2007, 09:28 AM
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I'm just grateful when mine has her pants off already without any help from me. I'd probably do whatever she wanted me to at that point . . .
" The market, like the Lord, helps those who help themselves. But, unlike the Lord, the market does not forgive those who know not what they do."- Warren Buffett

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Old 11-12-2007, 10:26 AM
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I'd be divorced in a heartbeat if I did something like that, but I don't drink, and when she say's "jump", I say "how high", I think it's because she looks really, really good with or without pants on.
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Old 11-12-2007, 10:56 AM
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What a riot- that's great. BAV I think Hollywood is looking for a few good writers....
"It's normal for these things to empty your wallet and break your heart in the process."
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Old 11-12-2007, 11:45 AM
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Chances are good he'll not be writing to say how he has been going "with out"
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Old 11-12-2007, 01:23 PM
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Location: Milford, CT
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Another case of PWD (posting while drunk)

You are so screwed, she is going to kick your butt when you sober up.
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Old 11-12-2007, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by POS View Post
Your girlfriend should dump your drunk, incoherent, lazy ass.
......apparently she's not bright enough to.......

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Old 11-12-2007, 03:17 PM
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What knockers!
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Consensus: Negative feedback combined with derisive prognostications to the original poster.

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