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  #1  
Old 11-19-2007, 09:49 AM
Carleton Hughes's Avatar
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Those silly Scots...

I know they're cheap but this is too funny.


Last Updated: Wednesday, 14 November 2007, 17:36 GMT
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Bike sex man placed on probation
A bike
Cleaners caught Mr Stewart simulating sex with a bike
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

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  #2  
Old 11-19-2007, 10:05 AM
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I guess he'd be bicyxual.
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  #3  
Old 11-19-2007, 10:41 AM
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Life sounds a lot different over there in Scotland!
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  #4  
Old 11-19-2007, 12:13 PM
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I read that and was wondering if he had his skirt on.
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  #5  
Old 11-19-2007, 12:49 PM
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Well, our arms ARE short and sometimes we need to get creative with our self-indulgence.
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  #6  
Old 11-19-2007, 01:19 PM
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Did you hear the one about the Scotsman caught f*cking a haggis?

He had a sheepish grin.......
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  #7  
Old 11-19-2007, 02:15 PM
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Subject: Tale of the Irish Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.

Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.
?
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  #8  
Old 11-19-2007, 02:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Botnst View Post
Subject: Tale of the Irish Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.

Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.
?
It's Seamus.
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  #9  
Old 11-19-2007, 04:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampYankee View Post
It's Seamus.
YOU KNOW HIM????
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  #10  
Old 11-19-2007, 04:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Botnst View Post
Subject: Tale of the Irish Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.

Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.
?
Sure and it's a low-down,{or down-low}dirty Shame............
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  #11  
Old 11-19-2007, 04:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carleton Hughes View Post
Sure and it's a low-down,{or down-low}dirty Shame............
That's from a Credence Clearwater Revival song....
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  #12  
Old 11-19-2007, 05:04 PM
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That's funny, right there . . .
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1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
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The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
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  #13  
Old 11-19-2007, 05:17 PM
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My question is.. how is that at all illegal? He wasn't doing it in public...
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  #14  
Old 11-19-2007, 06:02 PM
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The bicycle was underage.
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  #15  
Old 11-19-2007, 06:50 PM
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What knockers!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress View Post
That's from a Credence Clearwater Revival song....
Not to dispute it, but wasn't that Taj Mahal?

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