A professor at the University of Arkansas was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

'Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you, who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hands.

'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

3 students raise their hands.

'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The big Arkansas redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba , tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Bubba replied, 'Shiiiiit! , from way back thar I thought you said, Goats.

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Yumpin' Yimminy, voman! Vy aren't you vearing any skivvies?" Ole demanded.

"Vell, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to aford any."

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "Fur the sake of decency, here's a 50. Now go and buy yourself some undervear."


Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"

She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"


Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

"Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?"

She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affard any."

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit!"

__________________

M. G. Burg
'10 - Dakota SXT - Daily Ride / ≈ 172.5K
.'76 - 450SLC - 107.024.12 / < .89.20 K
..'77 - 280E - 123.033.12 / > 128.20 K
...'67 - El Camino - 283ci / > 207.00 K
....'75 - Yamaha - 650XS / < 21.00 K
.....'87 - G20 Sportvan / > 206.00 K
......'85 - 4WINNS 160 I.O. / 140hp
.......'74 - Honda CT70 / Real 125
.
“I didn’t really say everything I said.”
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ~ Yogi Berra ~

"My dog ran away".

"Did you put an ad in the paper"?

"Of course not,my dog can't read".

My internal medicine doctor referred me to a urologist.

To my surprise, the urologist was a female, beautiful, and unbelievably sexy looking.

She told me that I have to stop masturbating.

I asked her why.

She said, 'Because I am trying to examine you.'

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.


They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.'


The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses ran back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried. The husband said, ' I'm not sure; maybe she choked. '

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are
only three Survivors; Jim, Tom and Debbie.

They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple
of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Debbie felt absolutely
horrible about what she was doing.

She felt having sex with both Jim and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.

It was tragic, but Jim and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Jim and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable happened.

Well, a couple more years went by and Jim and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.




So they buried Debbie.

Came home from work one day and saw that my wife was packing a suitcase. I asked her what she was doing, she said she was going to las vegas, she said she could get 400 dollars a pop for what she was giving me for nothing.I said allright and I started packing, she asked me what I was doing, I said that I was going to las vegas too . she asked what for I said to watch you live off of 800 dollars a year.

__________________

A guy comes home and hollars " I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!
The wife, all excited says "Holy cow! - What should I pack??"
The guy says " Everything - just get the hell out."

__________________
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein


09 Jetta TDI
1985 300D

keep em coming!!!

__________________
1985 300TD Turbo Euro-wagon
1979 280CE 225,200 miles
1985 300D Turbo 264,000 miles
1976 240D 190,000 miles
1979 300TD 220,000

GONE but not forgotten
1976 300D 195,300 miles
1983 300D Turbo 175,000 miles

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...e485-1-2-1.jpg

> A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
> stumbling back and forth.
> A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
>
> 'Can I help you Sir?'
>
> 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man
> replies.?
>
> The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw
> it?'
>
> 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man
> replies.
>
> About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's
> wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
>
> He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are
> exposing yourself?'
>
> Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch
> and without missing a beat, blurts out....
>
> 'Holy ****! My girlfriend's gone, too!!

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are out in the middle of nowhere. After a while Tonto gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground. He says to Kemosabe..."Buffalo come!"

Amazed the Lone Ranger replies..."how can you tell?"

Tonto says..."ear sticky!".

*******************************************************

Hey can anyone tell me the recomended oil for a 1995 E320 Wagon with 150,000 miles?

Thanks!

nb

Dam Bot, that was a good'en

A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer.
'What are you so happy about?' asks the bartender
'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'You know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, it was amazing."
'Fantastic!' exclaimed the barman. 'You lucky bastard, was she pretty?
'Dunno............Never found the head!'

Whats the difference between a rose and a Benz driving lawyer?
On the rose the prick is on the outside.....

__________________
Showing up every day isn't enough. There are a lot of guys who show up every day who shouldn't have showed up at all. - James Caan

What's the difference between a rose and a Greek?