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  #1  
Old 12-05-2007, 08:36 AM
Botnst's Avatar
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Santa's real letters

If Santa answered his mail honestly...


Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy, nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a f....... book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa



Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa



Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,Teddy

Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who! rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa



Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're retarded.
Santa



Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa



Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezin! g the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps tab le. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa



Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa



Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy, That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa



Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

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  #2  
Old 12-05-2007, 08:39 AM
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That's great, Bot. Did you make that up?
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  #3  
Old 12-05-2007, 08:42 AM
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There is a cute well endowed young girl that works here - she was wearing a shirt this week that said.

Dear Santa

Please let me explain.......
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  #4  
Old 12-05-2007, 08:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Botnst View Post
If Santa answered his mail honestly...


Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy, nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a f....... book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
Holy crap that's scary! How did he know?
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  #5  
Old 12-05-2007, 09:12 AM
Botnst's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee8go View Post
That's great, Bot. Did you make that up?
Email makes us look brilliant.
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  #6  
Old 12-05-2007, 01:46 PM
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Well, at least it makes us editors at times. Editors and disseminators . . .

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1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold
The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles
2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles
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