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  #1  
Old 03-19-2008, 12:41 PM
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Polish divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.


Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:


Have you any grounds?


Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.


No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?


It made of concrete.


I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?


No, we have carport, and not need one.


I mean. What are your relations like?


All my relations still in Poland .


Is there any infidelity in your marriage?


We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.


Does your wife beat you up?


No, I always up before her.


Is your wife a nagger? (I LOVE THIS ONE)


No, she white.


Why do you want this divorce?


She going to kill me.


What makes you think that?


I got proof.


What kind of proof?


She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.


I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'

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  #2  
Old 03-19-2008, 12:49 PM
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Ha ha ha. That's one for the "Clean Joke" thread, Paul.
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  #3  
Old 03-19-2008, 01:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suginami View Post
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.


Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:


Have you any grounds?


Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.




No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?


It made of concrete.


I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?


No, we have carport, and not need one.


I mean. What are your relations like?


All my relations still in Poland .


Is there any infidelity in your marriage?


We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.


Does your wife beat you up?


No, I always up before her.


Is your wife a nagger? (I LOVE THIS ONE)


No, she white.


Why do you want this divorce?


She going to kill me.


What makes you think that?


I got proof.


What kind of proof?


She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.


I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'
Too funny!!...........
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  #4  
Old 03-19-2008, 01:12 PM
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The other version I heard a long time ago was

Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?
Hillbilly: No but our son is and that is why I want a dee vorce.
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  #5  
Old 03-19-2008, 01:49 PM
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Blondes not so dumb after all . . . .

A friend just sent me this:

New Windows
~~~~~~~~~
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.


Hellllooooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves !


Helllloooo ? It's been a year ! (I told him.)


There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.....He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.


I need new windows. Maybe I should try this.
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  #6  
Old 03-19-2008, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee8go View Post
I need new windows. Maybe I should try this.
Give Pella a call. Maybe they can help.
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  #7  
Old 03-19-2008, 02:00 PM
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Pella? Are THEY any good? Maybe I should start a thread about that . . . .
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  #8  
Old 03-19-2008, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee8go View Post
Pella? Are THEY any good? Maybe I should start a thread about that . . . .
Ask Gottadiesel. He only has good things to say about them.
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  #9  
Old 03-20-2008, 02:00 AM
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Good one.
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  #10  
Old 07-09-2008, 09:50 AM
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One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window? The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie
for $265.95'. The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
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  #11  
Old 07-09-2008, 09:57 AM
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Marriage is grand.

Divorce is 100 grand.
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  #12  
Old 07-09-2008, 09:59 AM
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Polack painter was out of work. Finally some guy hired him."I want you to paint my porch"sez the fellow.

Ol' Stosh comes back 4 hours later,tells the guy he's done.

Fella sez,"So,you painted my porch the way I wanted?"

"Yeah,"the Pole replied,"but you can't f*ckin'fool me,it was a Mercedes,not a Porsche".......................
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  #13  
Old 07-09-2008, 10:38 AM
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A cabbie picks up a Polish dude who needs to get to the Yimka Motel. The cabbie says theres no such place, but he calls the dispatcher to be sure. After a few seconds the dispatcher responds, "I think he wants the YMCA".
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  #14  
Old 07-09-2008, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Botnst View Post
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window? The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie
for $265.95'. The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
And part of Ken's 401K.
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  #15  
Old 07-09-2008, 03:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Botnst View Post
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window? The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie
for $265.95'. The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress View Post
And part of Ken's 401K.
no, ALL of Ken' 401(k) plus child support and alimony

Oh, and Ken gets to pay Barbie's blood sucking lawyer too

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