Divorce
 

This year, I know of two couples going through a divorce. Each couple has two young kids. On the surface, no one would have guessed this was going on.

What the h*ll is going on???

They are all friendly and cordial about it until the lawyers get involved. All of a sudden, there are new demands that come from left field that seem more spiteful than practical.

Apparently, it costs a lot of money just to get the process going. Now all of them are working overtime to earn extra money to build up their war chest. Talk about that proverbial slippery slope.

Just want to vent.

One day, we sat down and thought of all the people we know, friends, family, acquaintances, past co-workers...everybody.
Of those that got hitched, it was indeed a 50% divorce rate. We were pretty surprised.

There's an old line, "It doesn't work if you don't work at it."
That also means working at it before anything might rear its ugly head to end it in a preventative manner.
That's no guarantee, but I can only think it can help in keeping a marriage together.

Unless of course she's a ****. :P
Kidding!

The lawyers getting involved with ridiculous demands that each half would probably never think of or want on their own is simply a negotiation tactic.
But, it leaves the unfortunate circumstance of an even worse impression on the other and often results in no possibility of reconciliation and also involves family and friends of both just based on hearing about the outrageous demands.

But, the lawyers still get their car payments. They're the only ones who win.

I've seen nothing to demonstrate that a divorced situation with kids has any benefit to the kids, with the exception of abuse.

For more than a few, if the folks getting divorced simply behaved themselves, respected the other, and thought about the consequences of their actions and possible actions as a daily thing, it never would have come to the point of even considering divorce.

Here is what might have happened:

The Mrs and I don't get along anymore and we decide to divorce. We don't know squat about the process so we play it cool. Suddenly, we find out how our lives are going to change. Well, since that SOB caused my life to go south, I'm going to make his miserable.

Another scenario is that we go to divorce. Suddenly we find out all sorts of tricks the other guy might have been up to so now we go for the jugular.

When you are facing a decision that is going to affect you for a long time with kids present, you might decide to build up a war chest so you get the best deal you can now and suffer less later.

Negotiation tactic.

That statement is assuming that it can be fixed. Sometimes, what you thought was a good match, you regret in the long run. Not everything can be fixed.

The problem is that in a divorce, we are parting as enemies. Now, can you be sure I won't try to screw you in my demands? Of course not. So you ask for as much as you can and so do I. Just like selling a house. I ask for $200K and you say $170K and we settle in the middle.

Because the two people cannot settle their difference amicably.

Define abuse. Would you like to come home everyday and have dinner with Mom and Dad and walk on eggshells?

Of course it is. When I sell you my car, you assume I will highball you and I assume you will lowball me. I ask for $50K and you say $40K. We reach $45K which we both would have agreed to initially. However since we are adversaries, I cannot afford to take the chance that you will agree to $45K so I ask $50K. You can't be sure either so you start with $40K

Divorce is ugly business. I don't do that type of work but almost all of my lawyers friends do a bunch of it.

One huge problem with the system is that the parties have no clue what is in their own long-term interests and it is in the lawyers' financial interest to stir the pot. The parties are highly emotional and self-righteous. Each expects the legal system to punish the other. What they generally need is a lawyer to explain that there is only so much the legal system can do and to calm them down. If both sides have that type of lawyer, then things can work out. If one side hires a shark, then it becomes no holds barred because it does no good for one side to try to be reasonable.

With some divorce lawyers there is a familiar pattern - months or years of scorched earth litigation followed by a settlement after the kids' college funds have been depleted.

Sad but true. It takes two very intelligent and rational individuals to steer their lawyers to effect a quick settlement and not spend a fortune in the process.

It's eminently possible, but occurs rarely.

He was best man at my wedding, I was best man at his. I've been married 32 years, he 31. He tells me a couple of months ago his wife filed for divorce while he was out of the country, and was seeking custody of the remaining child at home.
How can you keep it together for 31 yrs and then lose it?

IOW, Fools and their money are soon parted. No biggie to me.

And how can the other side know that the first side didn't hire a shark? If I was divorcing the Mrs, how can I be sure that she won't hire a shark? How can she be sure I won't? As such, we each get our own shark.

I think the answer is in your words. It's possible to "keep it together" forever. The past generation would do exactly that...........divorce was much less frequent.

But, today, an individual wakes up and decides that they're tired of the current relationship and need to move onward. It's a bit irresponsible when kids are involved..........unless abuse is present.........but, that's the state of affairs today.

The question that comes to mind is ,if it is so easy to "go get a divorce" ,and if so many marriages ultimately end in divorce, why do we as a people, put so much emphasis on the institution of marriage in the first place? Is it because of tradition? socieital pressure?. Could it be that a pattern is being developed that we are slowly evolving to the point that eventually marriage will be obsolete?. I think that in the early stages of most relationships ,most people do not know the differance between love and lust, decide that they are going to get married, and as the years go by find out that they have grown in differant directions , and ultimately end up as being unhappy in their relationship. Can someone who has the ability to put thuoghts into words better than me expound on this?

But is that a good thing? I know of a couple where they are a couple, go to couple thingys but sleep separate, haven't had sex since who know when, lead their own lives other than in the PTA, couple functions, etc, etc.

How do you define abuse? Must it be physical or verbal? Can it be non-communicated? Think your kids are idiots and don't know when Mom and Dad are fighting or being just roommates?

Probably both.

Question is, is it already obsolete and we are just keeping it alive for the sake of tradition and pressure?

Maybe it isn't all that alone. Remember the things we used to like to do as kids? Do we still do them? Maybe not all. So, maybe people just develop different tastes.

Family friend is a divorce attorney. He makes something like 40% on cases...