My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that
I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair
on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about
my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...

Good stuff. Thanks for the chuckle.

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Bud Light for $12.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started…

I took my wife to a restaurant.
For some treason, the waiter took my order first.
“I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said: “Aren't you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that's how the fight started.....

__________________
1980 300D - Veggie Burner !

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...[/QUOTE]

I don't get that one.


My wife said, why don't we try someplace new for dinner. I said fine, let's try our kitchen.

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

7 dwarves...one of them was named happy

Now I get it.Nice!

__________________
Enough about me, how are you doing?

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up a couple of hookers and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"

The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"

__________________

I don't get that one.


QUOTE]snow white!

That's a good one!

__________________
1979 240D- 316K miles - VGT Turbo, Intercooler, Stick Shift, Many Other Mods - Daily Driver

1982 300SD - 232K miles - Wife's Daily Driver

1986 560SL - Wife's red speed machine

Thank you those are great, I needed that today.

__________________
"It's normal for these things to empty your wallet and break your heart in the process."
2012 SLK 350
1987 420 SEL

clean humor like "the lockhorns" makes me feel good....

My wife said, "let's renew our wedding vows for our tenth anniversary."
I responded with a little too much excitement in my voice, "if we don't, will they expire?"

Then the fight started.