What advice would you give an old acquaintence?

[kerry]

Twenty years ago I paddled a lot with 'Jim'. Knew him pretty well as a member of a paddling group. 15 years ago, I agreed to store his C-1 in my attic. I haven't seen him since and completely forgot about it. Two weeks ago he called me wanting to pick up his boat. I joked around I that had completely forgotten about it. I said something about getting old. He said he was getting old too and he thought he had dementia. When he came to pick up the boat he was carrying in a fanny pack and put it down so we could climb into the attic and get the boat. After a cup of tea, he had no recollection of where he had put his fanny pack. I had to remind him.
We talked about rolling practice at a pool in town, I said I might be going the coming weekend. He called my house the day of the rolling session, telling my wife he was lost, couldn't find the pool and could she tell him how to get there.
Tonight while I was out, he called wanting to talk to me but talked to my wife instead. He's been unemployed (he's a machinist) since last August. His neighbor told him the reason he hasn't been able to find a job is because he has dementia. He wanted to know if I thought he had dementia. He's a diabetic and he thinks that may have contributed to his condition.
I had mentioned to my wife that he did not seem normal since on his visit to the house, he had deliberately left his gun/fanny pack upstairs since he did not want to leave it in the hallway downstairs because it was too close to the front door. It seemed odd to me that he would forget such a deliberate act in less than an hour.
I haven't called him back yet since it's too late tonight. What would you do? It's going to be tough to hear what I think. He's divorced, 50 yrs old and has been unemployed for about 10 months with no job prospects at all. When I knew him back in the 80's he was a very heavy drinker. Don't know what he's been doing since then or whether that is an additional factor which combined with his diabetes might have caused his problem. I doubt he has health insurance.
At the moment I think I should tell him his memory seemed less than stellar and he should see a doctor for some tests. I'm a little concerned that saying something like that could put him over the edge.

[bob_98sr5]

kerry,

wow, tough situation.

i think the fact that he mentioned his possible dementia to you is a good sign that he wants to talk about it. maybe you dont necessarily need to provide the medical advice right away, but be a good friend as you were and then find the appropriate time to broach the subject.

i imagine that you may need to personally intervene as well due to his condition and his financial status. maybe he just is trying to find a way, any way, to get help.

bob

[Skid Row Joe]

In light of the whole story, I'd let it go. Sounds dicey to me. You may be opening a can of worms that you cannot stop dealing with. He doesn't sound like a close enough person to want to be involved with. If he asks for help, I'd put him in touch with your county services.

[Honus]

Originally Posted by kerry

...At the moment I think I should tell him his memory seemed less than stellar and he should see a doctor for some tests...

That sounds about right to me.

I'm a little concerned that saying something like that could put him over the edge.

Since he raised the subject, you are probably safe being honest with him. Does he have any family?

[kerry]

No family that I know of. I wouldn't have called him a close friend, mostly because he's the kind of person that doesn't seem to have close friends, so he might have viewed our relationship differently. I did a little googling on diabetes and dementia as well as alcohol and diabetes. Those things combined together could produce ugly results. The more low blood sugar events a person has, the more likely it is that dementia will occur. Alcohol can induce low blood sugar. Alcohol combined with hard exercise is worse. He used to paddle hard all day long while drinking from sunup to sundown.

[lutzTD]

you sound like a nice guy and you want to do the right thing, but he has demonstrated to you he is not completely there, and even though you know his former self he is not the same person. that alone wouldnt bother me, but then he is carrying in this condition. I would think twice about allowing that within reach of my house and family. he may be a good person at heart but along with the gun he brings a lot of risk, and for an aquantance it seems like a lot to expose your family to. If you can help him at a distance then maybe thtas a way, but as long as he continues to carry in that condition I would keep him at more than arms length

[Botnst]

Your hearts in the right place, follow it. But put the burden back on him. You are not a diagnostician.

Tell him that his own concern is making him anxious and that it is in his own best interest to get a medical evaluation. Offer to accompany him.

You're doing the right thing.

B

[Medmech]

You have nothing to lose by telling him to see a doctor.

[Mistress]

Originally Posted by Medmech

You have nothing to lose by telling him to see a doctor.

X2. Seems like he knows he has to do this already but just wants verifitcation. Just point him towards the physcians door, offer to take him if need be. Alchol induced diabetes wrecks havoc on a body not too mention what it does to brain cells- contrary to poular belief- alcohol is not a preservative...

[jplinville]

One thing to look at here, that nobody has mentioned...He's 50 (young), unemployed, and no family. Perhaps it's also depression as well as diabetic issues. He reached out to you, so be blunt and tell him what you think may be the problem.

[Graplr]

Originally Posted by Botnst

Your hearts in the right place, follow it. But put the burden back on him. You are not a diagnostician.

Tell him that his own concern is making him anxious and that it is in his own best interest to get a medical evaluation. Offer to accompany him.

You're doing the right thing.

B

Great advice. I concur with that.

[cmbdiesel]

Originally Posted by Graplr

Great advice. I concur with that.

X3 maybe even research what state programs are available to help him. Sounds like he might not be capable of finding those resources he might need.

[kerry]

I talked to him today. Told him I thought it was odd that he forgot the location of his fanny pack and that if I were him I would see a doctor. He told me that he has a sister in another state who has been telling him the same thing. He also says that his neighbor claims he has deteriorated significantly in the last few months and that it would be obvious in a job interview. I did think after our conversation last week that there was something odd about the exchange. I remember wondering whether 20 years ago our conversations were that disjointed. I put it down to his general personality.
He admitted being an alcoholic but said he has not told his doctor, because his doctor had been getting on his case about letting his blood sugar get low. He said he has passed out from low blood sugar many times, waking up hours later. He only recently learned that such events damage brain cells. I again encouraged him to see a doctor but he said he is without insurance. I was left with the impression that he is going to take this seriously although I'm not sure that his economic situation will permit him to get to a doctor ASAP. His neighbor had been telling him to go because she thought he would be unable to get a job and he should start looking at disability. He got very angry when she told him this.
It's a difficult fact to deal with in the best of economic times. Trying to sort out whether his unemployment is a result of mental deterioration as opposed to general economic conditions can't be easy. I hope he takes the medical steps. I'll call him in a few weeks to see how things are going.

[aklim]

Originally Posted by kerry

He admitted being an alcoholic but said he has not told his doctor, because his doctor had been getting on his case about letting his blood sugar get low. He said he has passed out from low blood sugar many times, waking up hours later. He only recently learned that such events damage brain cells.

I suppose he only recently learned that alcohol damages brain cells too, right? Doesn't sound like he wants to deal with this whole thing. Nothing is going to improve unless he wants to fix it and since he doesn't want to quit the booze, I doubt there is much you can do. Drop it like a hot potato.

[JollyRoger]

The guy sounds like a wet-brain late-stage alcoholic. His "dementia" is the guy blacking out, late stage alcoholics don't actually pass out on the floor, they take a couple of belts, and then their mind just shuts of during the course of daily activities and conversations. A lot of them don't even look drunk when they actually are under their "maintenance" alcohol rations.

He needs to be hospitalized in a detox ward ASAP if there is any hope for him. You can't do anything for him, he has a disease where it is up to the person himself to cure it, if he refuses to do anything about it, you just have to let him go. He probably needs to be in a mental hospital or rehab program for six months to a year. If you get involved with the guy while he continues to be an active alcoholic, you will probably regret it. There are all kinds of public programs for these people, most of them end up on the streets, so chartible organizations and welfare ends up being their final caretakers.

Since he has no insurance, I'd start with the local county Detox ward. Offer to drive him there, and tell him to call you when he gets out, otherwise, see ya. He's in the "ankle sucker" stage, he's hitting bottom and looking for legs to grasp onto. They get really, really sick in that stage. Are you sure the guy actually has diabetes? They make up all kinds of stories to cover up and/or deny their drinking, and the goal is to ellicit sympathy.