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  #1  
Old 11-12-2010, 02:29 PM
Redefining normal daily
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Frederick, MD
Posts: 445
Fine lines

Where the hell do they get drawn?

Case in point: when do you let a "parent" fail on their own?

Parent in this case being Ed, the sweet but broken guy who stood in for 19 years as husband type for Ma and as dad type for Darling Wife and Twin Brother.

Sigh. Fuss. Grumble. Whine. Kick something - not sure what. Probably a good thing there ain't no critters nearby at the moment.

Darling Wife took Ed to his cardiologist appointment today. One of the 4 doc's he was seeing ONLY because she twisted his arm and spent weeks working through an overwhelming maze of private, local, state, and federal agencies to get him insurance coverage.

But he lost that insurance coverage 4 months ago because his unemployment benefits were too high. Heart doc agreed to keep this follow up appointment pro bono to try and talk Ed into going ahead with getting the stint he desperately needs - and that paying for said stint was something the doc would work out with his bud's and the hospital even if it meant a $5 a month payment plan.

Doc asks Ed about taking meds A, B, and C. Ed says he ran out of A a while back (read: two months ago). Ran out of B last week. Forgot he was supposed to be taking C. Darling Wife rats him out: "You told me just two days ago you were taking ALL of your medicines!!!!"

Ed: "I was taking all I had. And that I remembered."

Yesterday, we learned that Ed's cell phone is shut off for non-payment.

Today, we learn that he didn't refill his scripts or pay his phone bill 'cuz he has $80 to his name. And the unemployment payments stopped coming in a COUPLE MONTHS AGO.

Darling Wife spins into her amazing make stuff happen mode, starts cranking through the unemployment stuff. Yep, he's outta benefits. He's got two letters in his coat pocket, months old, telling him he was going to run out of benefits. He did nothing about it, didn't tell us. Sold a gun or two (legally? who knows) for cash. Says the rest of the arsenal (no - really - it is a freaking arsenal) "can't really be sold, but it can be transfered to you or David when I die and you won't have to worry about any paperwork."

So, no unemployment means (and I know this ONLY because Darling Wife figured it all out) that Ed is now eligible for disability. And the insurance that goes along with it - if not for the fact that Ed owns a piece of property that his mother left him. A quarter acre of dirt somewhere that might be worth $30k. That has kept Ed sucking on the teat of unemployment instead of the disability he is much more properly suited for (he can't walk 20 yards) for the past 18 months.

Of course, Darling Wife is good. Really good. So she starts peeling the onion all over again, calling people, beating phone trees and voice mails and social workers into a pulp. One of the conversations she has triggers a notion in her head - that property just might have tanked in value enough to fall under the radar.

Gear shift, county offices getting called, convincing people to disclose personal information they shouldn't (in the name of good, not evil, so I'm ok with it ) and Darling Wife finds out that Ed doesn't even own the f'n property.

Says Ed: "Well, yeah, the title is still in my mom and dad's names, but she left it to me so it's mine."

Except it isn't. Not without taking it through probate, which Ed somehow managed to ignore or blow off or whatever when his mom died. So the nice people at SSI (disability) couldn't care less about this property. And Ed probably could have been on disability all along.

So this is how Darling Wife is spending her Friday. And I'm scraping through OUR bank accounts trying to figure out how the hell we're gonna float Ed for the next while until my amazing wife can get some sort of benefits coming his direction.

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  #2  
Old 11-12-2010, 02:39 PM
tbomachines's Avatar
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 7,364
Well, through all the headaches at least he is eligible for disability and will hopefully get the care he needs--you and your DW are quite benevolent donating your time to heelp this poor fellow
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  #3  
Old 11-12-2010, 03:44 PM
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Thankfully Ed has family like you and your wife, since she's actually Ed's stepchild in raising her from what I gathered from the story.

With family helping, all is good. Stay with it!
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  #4  
Old 11-13-2010, 10:57 AM
dannym's Avatar
I'm not here
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Deltona, Florida
Posts: 2,360
I was thinking the same thing.
You don't ever give up on family. Especially older parents, who probably aren't all there to begin with.

It can be very frustrating at times for sure. just keep doing what your doing.

Danny
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  #5  
Old 11-13-2010, 12:57 PM
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A good wife is worth her weight in gold.
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  #6  
Old 11-13-2010, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MS Fowler View Post
A good wife is worth her weight in gold.
Agreed. My wife of 28 years is pure GOLD.
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  #7  
Old 11-13-2010, 06:42 PM
Fold on dotted line
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: SE Mich
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dannym View Post
I was thinking the same thing.
You don't ever give up on family. Especially older parents, who probably aren't all there to begin with.

It can be very frustrating at times for sure. just keep doing what your doing.

Danny
I did this for about 6 years when my less than diligent brother didn't and I do not regret a single minute spent or dollar spent.
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  #8  
Old 11-13-2010, 07:20 PM
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Posts: 18,350
He's too old to let fail on his own. If he was 20 things would be different. Letting him fail now could result in his death. Do all you can without bankrupting yourself. Your kindness will keep him alive. But at some point even your kindness won't overcome the obstacles he has created for himself. Not an easy road. My hat's off to you.

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