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  #1  
Old 07-30-2011, 02:43 PM
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Banned from Target

Quote:
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs.Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no
toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
How many of these have you done?
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Old 07-30-2011, 02:48 PM
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1, 8, 10, 13, and 14... 2 friends and myself are supposedly banned from 3 wall-marts and one shopping mall....
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Old 07-30-2011, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by amosfella View Post
1, 8, 10, 13, and 14... 2 friends and myself are supposedly banned from 3 wall-marts and one shopping mall....
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Old 07-30-2011, 03:30 PM
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funny stuff.
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Old 07-30-2011, 05:41 PM
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I did find out that pouring 4 bottles of bubble bath into the malls fountains will make a Wonderfull Wall of bubbles, but will also get you banned from both malls in said town too.
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Old 07-30-2011, 05:42 PM
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I like to fart in the area where my wife is shopping and then run away so other people will think that my wife did it.
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Old 07-30-2011, 11:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquaticedge View Post
I did find out that pouring 4 bottles of bubble bath into the malls fountains will make a Wonderfull Wall of bubbles, but will also get you banned from both malls in said town too.
You could try pouring a bottle of brake fluid into a container of dry swimming pool chlorine ( hypo) & get out of the store quick.
Dont get caught!!
It takes a few minutes to go off.
Probably will make the evening TV news.

I have always wanted to put dark glasses on & do our black lab up as a seeing eye dog & let it have fun in the meat dept of a local supermarket.
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Old 07-31-2011, 03:02 AM
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Nah. Too old for that kind of Crap... Just stupid **** I did as a teenager... I doubt they'd enforce the ban now. It's been a fair few years since it's happened...
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Old 07-31-2011, 03:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquaticedge View Post
I did find out that pouring 4 bottles of bubble bath into the malls fountains will make a Wonderfull Wall of bubbles, but will also get you banned from both malls in said town too.
Hmmmmmmmm..... That must have been 5 kinds of spectacular.... Wonder if dish soap has the same effect....
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  #10  
Old 07-31-2011, 03:18 AM
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Originally Posted by amosfella View Post
Hmmmmmmmm..... That must have been 5 kinds of spectacular.... Wonder if dish soap has the same effect....
I assume it would. if the fountain has enough spray heads or Aerators then you'll get the same effect I am sure.
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