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  #1  
Old 08-04-2011, 02:26 PM
Botnst's Avatar
What knockers!
 
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Mostly one-liners

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning. Can you believe that.... 2:30 am?! Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says, "The sex is the same but the dirty dishes are piling up!

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "I think you're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend....yet.

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

The irate wife says to her husband, "you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says, "what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."

I was explaining to my wife last night, that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."

My wife has been missing for a week now. The police told me to prepare for the worst. So now, I have to go back to Goodwill and get all her clothes back.

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  #2  
Old 08-04-2011, 02:28 PM
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Good ones Bot.
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  #3  
Old 08-04-2011, 04:52 PM
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Location: Dallas/Fort-Worth
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Thanks for the needed laughs!
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  #4  
Old 08-04-2011, 05:47 PM
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ĦAy Jodido!
 
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Perfect. I ran out of cheese and haven't laughed all day.
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  #5  
Old 08-04-2011, 06:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elchivito View Post
Perfect. I ran out of cheese and haven't laughed all day.
I like to cut the cheese often.
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  #6  
Old 08-04-2011, 09:25 PM
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  #7  
Old 08-04-2011, 09:28 PM
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Sing Blue Silver
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: CT
Posts: 2,091
Thanks Bot. I just extremely frustrated on a door lock repair and needed a good laugh
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  #8  
Old 08-04-2011, 09:35 PM
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Here's one.

Here is sit all broken hearted, tried to $hit but only farted.
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  #9  
Old 08-04-2011, 10:21 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: upstate SC
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What do brussel sprouts and butt-sex have in common......If you didn't like it as a child, you probably wont like it as an adult..
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  #10  
Old 08-04-2011, 10:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Clk Man View Post
Here's one.

Here is sit all broken hearted, tried to $hit but only farted.
Late on I took a chance, tried to fart and $hit my pants.
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  #11  
Old 08-05-2011, 12:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Aquaticedge View Post
Late on I took a chance, tried to fart and $hit my pants.
How about this one.

Here I sit in my stinking vapor, all because I can't reach the toilet paper. How long should I sit and linger, before I have to use my finger.
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  #12  
Old 08-05-2011, 12:45 AM
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I'm sittin on a toilet, in a house I dont know, look all around me and think where'd the toilet paper go, Feelin real uneasy, Feelin so uncertain, cuz I gotta wipe my butt again, in the shower curtain...
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  #13  
Old 08-05-2011, 12:54 AM
Certifiable
 
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I used to date this girl, gorgeous, with an amazing beautiful body.
I noticed that one of her boobs was larger than the other.....but I encouraged her to enter a wet T-Shirt contest.

She placed first and third.
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  #14  
Old 08-05-2011, 12:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquaticedge View Post
I'm sittin on a toilet, in a house I dont know, look all around me and think where'd the toilet paper go, Feelin real uneasy, Feelin so uncertain, cuz I gotta wipe my butt again, in the shower curtain...
Wow, I've never heard that one before, did you make it up yourself?
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  #15  
Old 08-05-2011, 12:55 AM
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oh no. from stuff I hear etc. from a comedian of sorts

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