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#1
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Mostly one-liners
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning. Can you believe that.... 2:30 am?! Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says, "The sex is the same but the dirty dishes are piling up! I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "I think you're pulling my leg." I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend....yet. Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists? The irate wife says to her husband, "you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says, "what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair." I was explaining to my wife last night, that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening." My wife has been missing for a week now. The police told me to prepare for the worst. So now, I have to go back to Goodwill and get all her clothes back. |
#2
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Good ones Bot.
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get. For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get. Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!! |
#3
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Thanks for the needed laughs!
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2009 ML350 (106K) - Family vehicle 2001 CLK430 Cabriolet (80K) - Wife's car 2005 BMW 645CI (138K) - My daily driver 2016 Mustang (32K) - Daughter's car |
#4
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Perfect. I ran out of cheese and haven't laughed all day.
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You're a daisy if you do. __________________________________ 84 Euro 240D 4spd. 220.5k sold 04 Honda Element AWD 1985 F150 XLT 4x4, 351W with 270k miles, hay hauler 1997 Suzuki Sidekick 4x4 1993 Toyota 4wd Pickup 226K and counting |
#5
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I like to cut the cheese often.
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get. For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get. Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!! |
#6
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#7
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Thanks Bot. I just extremely frustrated on a door lock repair and needed a good laugh
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1982 300GD Carmine Red (DB3535) Cabriolet Parting Out 1990 300SEL Smoke Silver (Parting out) 1991 350SDL Blackberry Metallic (481) "The thing is Bob, its not that I'm lazy...its that I just don't care." |
#8
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Here's one.
Here is sit all broken hearted, tried to $hit but only farted.
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get. For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get. Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!! |
#9
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What do brussel sprouts and butt-sex have in common......If you didn't like it as a child, you probably wont like it as an adult.. |
#10
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Late on I took a chance, tried to fart and $hit my pants.
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hum..... 1987 300TD 311,000M Stolen. Presumed destroyed |
#11
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How about this one.
Here I sit in my stinking vapor, all because I can't reach the toilet paper. How long should I sit and linger, before I have to use my finger.
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get. For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get. Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!! |
#12
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I'm sittin on a toilet, in a house I dont know, look all around me and think where'd the toilet paper go, Feelin real uneasy, Feelin so uncertain, cuz I gotta wipe my butt again, in the shower curtain...
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hum..... 1987 300TD 311,000M Stolen. Presumed destroyed |
#13
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I used to date this girl, gorgeous, with an amazing beautiful body.
I noticed that one of her boobs was larger than the other.....but I encouraged her to enter a wet T-Shirt contest. She placed first and third.
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62 220sb 67 250S 72 280SE 4.5 74 280C 77 300D 82 240D 85 190E 2.3 86 300E RIP 12/28/09 85 300SD 92 300D 2.5 00 E320 Current Over 1,000,000 miles in Benzes, Since66 ....and a whole passel of BMW 2002 and Tii |
#14
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Wow, I've never heard that one before, did you make it up yourself?
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get. For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get. Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!! |
#15
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oh no. from stuff I hear etc. from a comedian of sorts
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hum..... 1987 300TD 311,000M Stolen. Presumed destroyed |
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