Parts Catalog Accessories Catalog How To Articles Tech Forums
Call Pelican Parts at 888-280-7799
Shopping Cart Cart | Project List | Order Status | Help



Go Back   PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum > General Discussions > Off-Topic Discussion

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-04-2011, 01:26 PM
Botnst's Avatar
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: There castle.
Posts: 44,601
Mostly one-liners

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning. Can you believe that.... 2:30 am?! Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says, "The sex is the same but the dirty dishes are piling up!

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "I think you're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend....yet.

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

The irate wife says to her husband, "you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says, "what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."

I was explaining to my wife last night, that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."

My wife has been missing for a week now. The police told me to prepare for the worst. So now, I have to go back to Goodwill and get all her clothes back.

Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-04-2011, 01:28 PM
The Clk Man's Avatar
Saved By Grace
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Heaven Bound
Posts: 123
Good ones Bot.
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get.
For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get.

Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-04-2011, 03:52 PM
G-Benz's Avatar
Razorback Soccer Dad
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Dallas/Fort-Worth
Posts: 5,711
Thanks for the needed laughs!
__________________
2009 ML350 (106K) - Family vehicle
2001 CLK430 Cabriolet (80K) - Wife's car
2005 BMW 645CI (138K) - My daily driver
2016 Mustang (32K) - Daughter's car
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-04-2011, 04:47 PM
elchivito's Avatar
ĦAy Jodido!
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Rancho Disparates
Posts: 4,075
Perfect. I ran out of cheese and haven't laughed all day.
__________________
You're a daisy if you do.
__________________________________
84 Euro 240D 4spd. 220.5k sold
04 Honda Element AWD
1985 F150 XLT 4x4, 351W with 270k miles, hay hauler
1997 Suzuki Sidekick 4x4
1993 Toyota 4wd Pickup 226K and counting
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-04-2011, 05:18 PM
The Clk Man's Avatar
Saved By Grace
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Heaven Bound
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by elchivito View Post
Perfect. I ran out of cheese and haven't laughed all day.
I like to cut the cheese often.
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get.
For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get.

Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-04-2011, 08:25 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Howard Co MD
Posts: 46
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-04-2011, 08:28 PM
Fulcrum525's Avatar
Sing Blue Silver
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: CT
Posts: 2,117
Thanks Bot. I just extremely frustrated on a door lock repair and needed a good laugh
__________________
1982 300GD Carmine Red (DB3535) Cabriolet Parting Out
1990 300SEL Smoke Silver (Parting out)
1991 350SDL Blackberry Metallic (481)

"The thing is Bob, its not that I'm lazy...its that I just don't care."
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-04-2011, 08:35 PM
The Clk Man's Avatar
Saved By Grace
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Heaven Bound
Posts: 123
Here's one.

Here is sit all broken hearted, tried to $hit but only farted.
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get.
For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get.

Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-04-2011, 09:21 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: upstate SC
Posts: 79

What do brussel sprouts and butt-sex have in common......If you didn't like it as a child, you probably wont like it as an adult..
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-04-2011, 09:48 PM
Aquaticedge's Avatar
Bump on a log
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: See Biography
Posts: 3,148
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Clk Man View Post
Here's one.

Here is sit all broken hearted, tried to $hit but only farted.
Late on I took a chance, tried to fart and $hit my pants.
__________________
hum.....
1987 300TD 311,000M Stolen. Presumed destroyed
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 08-04-2011, 11:31 PM
The Clk Man's Avatar
Saved By Grace
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Heaven Bound
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquaticedge View Post
Late on I took a chance, tried to fart and $hit my pants.
How about this one.

Here I sit in my stinking vapor, all because I can't reach the toilet paper. How long should I sit and linger, before I have to use my finger.
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get.
For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get.

Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!!
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-04-2011, 11:45 PM
Aquaticedge's Avatar
Bump on a log
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: See Biography
Posts: 3,148
I'm sittin on a toilet, in a house I dont know, look all around me and think where'd the toilet paper go, Feelin real uneasy, Feelin so uncertain, cuz I gotta wipe my butt again, in the shower curtain...
__________________
hum.....
1987 300TD 311,000M Stolen. Presumed destroyed
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-04-2011, 11:54 PM
Certifiable
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Out on the old Santa Fe Trail
Posts: 332
I used to date this girl, gorgeous, with an amazing beautiful body.
I noticed that one of her boobs was larger than the other.....but I encouraged her to enter a wet T-Shirt contest.

She placed first and third.
__________________
62 220sb
67 250S
72 280SE 4.5
74 280C
77 300D
82 240D
85 190E 2.3
86 300E RIP 12/28/09
85 300SD
92 300D 2.5
00 E320 Current
Over 1,000,000 miles in Benzes, Since66

....and a whole passel of BMW 2002 and Tii
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 08-04-2011, 11:54 PM
The Clk Man's Avatar
Saved By Grace
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Heaven Bound
Posts: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquaticedge View Post
I'm sittin on a toilet, in a house I dont know, look all around me and think where'd the toilet paper go, Feelin real uneasy, Feelin so uncertain, cuz I gotta wipe my butt again, in the shower curtain...
Wow, I've never heard that one before, did you make it up yourself?
__________________
For the Saved, this world is the worst it will ever get.
For the unSaved, this world is the best it will ever get.

Clk's Ebay Stuff BUY SOMETHING NOW!!!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 08-04-2011, 11:55 PM
Aquaticedge's Avatar
Bump on a log
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: See Biography
Posts: 3,148
oh no. from stuff I hear etc. from a comedian of sorts

__________________
hum.....
1987 300TD 311,000M Stolen. Presumed destroyed
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:28 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2024 Pelican Parts, LLC - Posts may be archived for display on the Peach Parts or Pelican Parts Website -    DMCA Registered Agent Contact Page