I know this woman with two kids. she got a DWI, then lost her job because they took her license away, then lost her house because she lost her job. She just married a carpenter who can't seem to find steady work. She used to be rich, now obviously not. She now wants to sell her designer bags and mink fur coats to my wife (wife does not want them).

This woman is totally broke. No money for food. Not even money for shampoo and soap. Seriously.

I am going to suggest food stamps. Can anyone give any insight on this or suggestions?

My reservations about this- I don't think either parent is a drug user but there's the danger the of the slippery slope. I'm inclined to give soap and food but not money. What do you guys think?

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Ben
1987 190d 2.5Turbo

Help her with food and such, but do it under the cloak of night. Drop off the items to her door right before day break. Don't let her know it was you.

As far as welfare, she'll need to go to the local welfare or One Stop office and file through them. They will be able to set her up with everything she needs, as well as referrals to local church and charity run food banks.

They will also be able to help her and her beau with proper channels for job education and/or college classes paid for by the rest of the tax payers.

As much as I hate to tell them to go to the government teat, it doesn't sound as if they have much of a choice in the matter.

Make sure she doesn't know that you and your wife helped her with the food situation...she's liable to continue to sponge off of you. Doing it in the cover of darkness allows you to keep the secret from her.

I've done the same for my ex-wife, both before as well as after I got custody of the kids...she still has no idea it was me, but the kids figured it out a few years ago.

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1987 560SL
85,000 miles

That's a tough call. Was it her first dwi? It's fine to help someone out with consumables, but when you open the pursestrings they will always come back for more. From the situation you described it sounds like she might be eligible for food stamps. I know in the state of Tennessee to qualify for them everything you own including bank accounts has to total less than $2,000.00 or something of the sort.
It's a bad spot she's in, but I don't have a great deal of pity for any drunk drivers. Back in the fifties through the seventies one could get away with drunk driving because there was much less traffic; and without dash cameras Police Officers were given leeway to deal with intoxicated drivers on an individual basis without fear of reprisals from big brother. Now, we have the much vaunted "zero tolerance" policy which I don't agree with either. I'm not saying it's ok to drive inebriated (obviously) but "zero tolerance" is never the answer. A short while ago we had zero tolerance for anyone who wasn't a white male, and that wasn't right either.

This is very nice that you are thinking about this. Sounds like you know these people and are just looking for a shove off the fence Nothing wrong with that. Go for it. You might just call her and say you are going to grocery store (grocery not W*M) and ask if you could pick up some things on her list. This will show you were they are putting there priorities and enable you to make some healthy substitutions. Don't leave out a fact that there are some people who do not know how to cook. Another good jesture is to ask if you could help with a Christmas gift for the Children.

I do this everyear on my own selection of needy families that are personaly known by me or my friends. Have one single parent that probably won't survive through the holidays that has a 12yo, This one will make you tear up.

Go with your heart, its something you are not likely to forget. Tis the season

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In order to qualify for food stamps, she can own no assets other than an automobile. If she owns her own home or any other real estate, she will not qualify. Other than that, she simply needs to fill out the paper work and wait. There is a charity known as Interfaith Ministeries, contact them and they will provide food aid until her food stamps kick in.

If it was me, I would be more concerned with the kids in this situation. If they are not getting enough to eat, I would consider it my moral responsibility to act in anyway I could if I was aware of it.

If you are concerened about the kids talk with the social worker at the school.

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UPDATE-

tonight we will meet her at the Kroger. She will food shop and we will pay the bill. This way, we KNOW what she is buying.

She can't even make a special dinner for xmas.

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Ben
1987 190d 2.5Turbo

this is how I see it

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Ben
1987 190d 2.5Turbo

We all make mistakes, do dumb things. I was a particularly slow learner, but finally did learn most lessons. One DUI does not an evil person make.

School is out right now and it is a real concern that some kids who were at least eating at school, will now get little to eat. You may want to go ahead and email the school about the kids' situation. They should be in the free lunch program. Some schools even have a free breakfast program.

The woman may be able to Craigslist her stuff she wants to sell. Tough times for lots of folks.

Thank you for caring and helping.

Ben, good for you for helping out. I know you're concerned that she buy the right things at the market but I'd be concerned with setting the precedent of shopping with her. But that ship has already sailed. I was going to say that gift cards to the supermarket would be a good way to lend some aid with a degree of anonymity. Obviously no way to control what she buys, unlike food stamps/SNAP cards, so there would need to be personal responsibility on her part.

You could see if your state offers a free or low-cost health care program for kids. CT has the Husky Healthcare with graduated fees/copays based on household income.

EDIT: Like this, NCHC Program.

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1980 300TD-China Blue/Blue MBTex-2nd Owner, 107K (Alt Blau) OBK #15
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The last thing I (or anyone) want to be is a sap.

Buying her family food is a pretty safe way to help.

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Ben
1987 190d 2.5Turbo

I agree. Didn't mean to sound quite so negative. Just watch out for yourself was all I was getting at.

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1980 300TD-China Blue/Blue MBTex-2nd Owner, 107K (Alt Blau) OBK #15
'06 Chevy Tahoe Z71 (for the wife & 4 kids, current mule) '03 Honda Odyssey (son #1's ride, reluctantly) '99 GMC Suburban (255K+ miles, semi-retired mule) 21' SeaRay Seville (summer escape pod)

It is kind of sad and sadder at this time of year that these situations exist. We have adaquate social programs up here in Canada. Yet if a reciepient has a substance problem or is basically out of control this mitigates the effect of the progams. Too much of the taxpayers money may just by used to service the habits and many other bad choices.

We do not have a food stamp type program. We do have food banks that I personally thing may be abused a lot for various reasons. Greed is easy to define but less easy to really understand other than a major character flaw in some ways.

If you are buying or own a home it disqualifies you from a food stamp program sounds ill concieved to me. A responsible person can have things fly out of control as well in life.

If they are helped there is a much bettter chance they will get going again. Do not help them and they may slide into depression that usually means a permanent welfare state of mind.

Sudden serious sickness that is prolonged could for example do it. This aspect of loosing everything you have worked for most of your life. Over perhaps short term issues also bothers me a lot. I guess this is overall what families and family structures are for. To prevent reasonable problems growing into total disasters.

So many perople are also not responsible or mentally equiped to deal with debt and really understand it and it's implications. Yet we hand it out today like candy. At one time there was some onus on the lenders to act in an appropiate responsible fashion. That is now history it seems. This is also a major contributor if not an absolute reciepe to messes of unbelievable proportion and consequences.

There is and has been a contest running out there to see who can loan the most dollars at the consumer level. I know our phone rings far too often with firms trying to get us to do this or that financially.

In a way I feel that many issues out there in society are not just self inflicted but a result of an educational system that is perhaps somewhat out of touch with the needs of our children for too long. Much of todays stucture people live in looks like a house of cards from my perspective. Only the tweaking of one small corner may bring it down.

The american system that is actually structured and based on full employment and no longer may be able to provide. It must change to take this into account. Nobody probably wants to see it change but again the evidence is growing that it may have to regardless.

For this lady you want to help. Certainly buy them a christmas order of food for example. Specify that it is a christmas present at a time of difficulty for them. This should leave a clear impression of limitations of access to your wallet..

I do not really think you can truly help a person that has no sense of personal responsibilities and priorities. The mink coat is kind of a givaway. Loss of licence on a dui is another.

In my experience with any form of gift card. If I purchase one item of lesser value than the card many places hand me the difference in cash. The only exception that I am personally aware of is princess auto. Our harbour freight equivelant up here in Canada.

My daughters or a couple of them give princess auto gift cards to me from time to time. Your purchases are elctronically subtracted leaving what balance there is on the card if any to use later.

The little lush can't get an "occupational" license for driving back-and-forth to work? Or have her pet carpenter drive her if he has nothing better to do. I know people who got DWI's (outside of NYC) and still managed to figure out a way to get to work. Sounds like ... excuses, excuses.

Hell, get her an old moped (aka Deweycycle). Don't think she needs a license for one of those in NC.