Some guy is selling one locally in pristine cosmetic shape (but with a stuck carb float, so it goes leak-splutter-leak rather than actually starting) for $1k -- I'm tempted to offer him $500 cash tomorrow and haul the little barstid away if he takes the offer.

I'm assuming that a carb rebuild will cost under $50 in parts even if I do have to replace clogged jets -- should be a fun toy that I don't have to worry much about.

Most repairs such as this require no parts. Just get a can of carb cleaner and take off the fuel bowl and go from there. Most motorcycle and UTV type carbs are very simple. Most of them are harder to R&R than they are to fix. I've never had to replace a jet because it was clogged. A little carb cleaner and maybe some tag wire will clear them easily.

It is highly possible that the ethanol fuel has turned the fuel in the bowl to goo.

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2001 SLK 320 six speed manual
2014 Porsche Cayenne six speed manual

Annoy a Liberal, Read the Constitution

Larry is correct. That said, given how newer bikes are typically jetted very lean and it's easier/faster to replace jets, it does make sense to go ahead and replace them during the rebuild - but not with factory stock parts.

Also possible that the float has been turned into the same goo...