Question for guys who have been through divorce/custody. - Page 2 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

jplinville · #16 09-25-2013, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spdrun

Two can play at that game, BTW ... funny how someone might get pulled over with a bag of heroin and a syringe in her car.

I had that temptation a couple of times...but never dipped that low, even when it was offered as a gift. I decided to win the battle by showing that I was the better parent and better for the kids.

She actually gave up and signed them over in the end...it kinda deflated me for a few minutes.

MTI · #17 09-25-2013, 02:19 PM

This thread appears to be a glowing endorsement of professional legal advice. Interesting indeed.

KarTek · #18 09-25-2013, 02:57 PM

Thanks for the replies, a quick update, he has an attorney but every time he picks up the phone, it's another charge.

The friend is also pretty broke, a former researcher, Phd who lost his grant. The soon to be ex kicked him out of the house too. And get this, he allowed her to manage the finances all of their marriage and she did all the tax returns, hid her income from him and spent all of their savings on a defunct business venture.

He's a really nice guy, great dad and I hate to see this happening to him.

t walgamuth · #19 09-25-2013, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spdrun

Two can play at that game, BTW ... funny how someone might get pulled over with a bag of heroin and a syringe in her car.

Breaking the law will not help win custody....not without great risk. If caught you would certainly discredit yourself and open yourself to prosecution. Faking a felony should surely be a felony too.

aklim · #20 09-25-2013, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daw_two

I'm newly divorced, December 2012, in the state of TN. Here's what I would encourage your friend to do:

1) Hire a divorce lawyer and ask all the questions; my divorce lawyer was great about answering emails; he preferred emails to phone calls.

2) If your friend is in a position to provide 100% care for his daughter and is willing to, it might be best for his child for him to have sole temporary custody. The mother might need a break in parental duties. The divorce lawyer can help determine.

4) I'm guessing your friend was the one to leave the wife --- if so, there is a disease called, SWS (Scorned Woman Syndrone) that afflicts the woman left behind. My divorce lawyer is credited with informing me about SWS. My ex acted in a way that I had never seen before. Go figure.

Hope this helps. If you or your friend want to discuss privately, shoot me a PM.

1. Great advice.

2. If she suffers from SWS, that is definitely going to push her over the edge which might or might not be the strategic thing to do. Again, Lawyer can determine.

4. Motive, Means and Opportunity. Get all 3 in line and people will do bad things.

spdrun · #21 09-25-2013, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t walgamuth

Breaking the law will not help win custody....not without great risk. If caught you would certainly discredit yourself and open yourself to prosecution. Faking a felony should surely be a felony too.

Not a suggestion. Just a statement that if one person can play dirty, so can the other, so starting that kind of game is dangerous.

aklim · #22 09-25-2013, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spdrun

Two can play at that game, BTW ... funny how someone might get pulled over with a bag of heroin and a syringe in her car.

Do you have that kind of pull to get a cop to frame someone or just wishful thinking?

aklim · #23 09-25-2013, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarTek

but every time he picks up the phone, it's another charge.

The friend is also pretty broke, a former researcher, Phd who lost his grant. The soon to be ex kicked him out of the house too. And get this, he allowed her to manage the finances all of their marriage and she did all the tax returns, hid her income from him and spent all of their savings on a defunct business venture.

He's a really nice guy, great dad and I hate to see this happening to him.

It might be more expensive to simply go ahead without legal advice at this point. It has progressed to more than a "You didn't put up the toilet seat for the 1000th time.".

You'd also need a forensic accountant which the attorney might advise.

Maybe, maybe not. I've seen a lot of people that looked good till you look closer.

aklim · #24 09-25-2013, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t walgamuth

Breaking the law will not help win custody....not without great risk. If caught you would certainly discredit yourself and open yourself to prosecution. Faking a felony should surely be a felony too.

Even if you wanted to take the risk, you'd have to have a willing party that is going to pretend to be neutral and open themselves up to risk. If I were a cop, why would I want to do that for you unless I really owed you big? Not only do YOU get into trouble, I get to spend time in a cell with you. Thanks but no thanks unless I owed you my life and can milk it after this.

HuskyMan · #25 09-25-2013, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

Divorces are quite ugly...especially when kids are involved. I, like many here, would suggest a lawyer, like, yesterday!

I'll go further...don't allow him to enter into any counseling with her, especially if she's been seeing the doc or counselor for awhile...they are automatically biased. Have him demand that a disinterested doc step in for counseling...one not known by either party or either attorney. My ex started taking my kids to a counselor that her attorney chose because she's sympathetic to the mother, and has been used as a GAL in the past. That doc made wild accusations about me, and wild claims about my dealing with the children...which is how I lost custody in the beginning. Once the kids realized that everything they told her was being filtered to their mom, and then to the attorney, they stopped talking to her. I ended up filing enough complaints against her, and got other fathers to do the same (I took out ads in the local newspaper), that she is no longer in practice...her license to practice was revoked.

Have him find a local attorney that is a Father's Rights attorney...they will know the proper steps he needs to take, and will help him get where and what he needs.

As far as the mother seeing a counselor...the courts see this as her recognizing that she needs help. Unless she's violent, abuses the child, abuses drugs or alcohol, they won't see it as a reason to remove the child.

Check the state laws on recording conversations and phone calls...some states, such as Ohio, require only one member of the call or conversation to know it's being taped. If he lives in such a state, have him record everything. It will go a long way to show instability if she's hot and cold with him, yells, etc. Granted, it isn't admisable as evidence, but you can give it to the Guardian Ad Litem for review, and they can use it to sway their decision one way or the other.

I have experienced a similar situation with a therapist though it did not involve a divorce. Unbeknownst to me, the parties involved had turned the therapist against me prior to my arrival at the therapist's office. The therapy session quickly devolved into a mud-slinging session with the therapist leading the charge by attacking me. Reason #579 why I will never participate in another therapy session. And they want people to think of them as professionals?

Self-help books do not rat you out.

HuskyMan · #26 09-25-2013, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

1. Great advice.

2. If she suffers from SWS, that is definitely going to push her over the edge which might or might not be the strategic thing to do. Again, Lawyer can determine.

4. Motive, Means and Opportunity. Get all 3 in line and people will do bad things.

They always slide to the negative, don't they? The other day I was speaking with a retired lawyer who told me he knows of divorces that got so nasty that one of the spouses ended up shooting the other spouses divorce lawyer!!!!! Talk about OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!

MTI · #27 09-25-2013, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HuskyMan

The other day I was speaking with a retired lawyer who told me he knows of divorces that got so nasty that one of the spouses ended up shooting the other spouses divorce lawyer!!!!! Talk about OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!

Was he a close friend, a friend, or just a random passer by . . .

HuskyMan · #28 09-25-2013, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MTI

Was he a close friend, a friend, or just a random passer by . . .

Though I know a few lawyers, I do not consider any of them 'friends' and they certainly do not rise to the level of 'close friend'. Let's just call them 'associates' why don't we?

Skid Row Joe · #29 09-25-2013, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarTek

Thanks for the replies, a quick update, he has an attorney but every time he picks up the phone, it's another charge.

The friend is also pretty broke, a former researcher, Phd who lost his grant. The soon to be ex kicked him out of the house too. And get this, he allowed her to manage the finances all of their marriage and she did all the tax returns, hid her income from him and spent all of their savings on a defunct business venture.

He's a really nice guy, great dad and I hate to see this happening to him.

?HUH????

Are you now claiming he can't work to earn the money to pay for his legal services?!

Now you claim he got kicked out of his own house! Can't happen without a court-order, btw. Explain how that happens?

Why would he leave his own home, with no money, no income, and no job???

I think your story is developing larger holes in it than Swiss Cheese.....

spdrun · #30 09-25-2013, 05:24 PM

Could it be that he feared for his safety? Living with a borderline psychotic person in a country where guns are easier to get than credit cards might not be an ideal situation.

But unless there's evidence of actual violence or abuse, he'd find it difficult to get a restraining order against her.