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  #1  
Old 09-27-2013, 05:52 PM
jplinville's Avatar
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Location: Dayton, Ohio region
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A decision I didn't want to make...

Looks like we'll be moving again...back to Ohio. My wife, who just spent the last 2 months caring for my mom and my grandma, came back home last weekend. While she was gone, the two older ladies really hammered her about us being so far away from them...which I rather enjoy.

However...mom's eyesight is getting pretty bad, and since she's already had two other corrective surgeries, they won't do another. She fears passing the eyesight portion of getting her driver's license renewed. Since she is the #1 caretaker of grandma, and nobody else in the family will get off their ass to help her, my wife has talked me into moving back so she can care for the older ladies.

I have two brothers that both live within 10 miles of mom, and neither one will do much to help her. Sure, one will schedule a few weeks out to swing by and fix something if she calls them, but won't come over right away. The other refuses to show up unless he's needing money from her.

I'm putting the house up for sale in January, and will begin looking for repo homes near my mom's that I can pick up cheap. Hopefully I can sell this house and make enough off of it to cover the cost of the new house.

What really pisses me off is that my youngest brother's wife, who refuses to work, also refuses to assist my mom. This is the same brother that only visits her when he needs money...and he's only 2 blocks away from her!

I'm not real pleased with having to move again. But, at least I'll be able to close enough to her to provide any help she needs, even if it's just sending the wife or kids over to go grocery shopping with her.

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  #2  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:13 PM
Skid Row Joe's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jplinville View Post
Looks like we'll be moving again...back to Ohio. My wife, who just spent the last 2 months caring for my mom and my grandma, came back home last weekend. While she was gone, the two older ladies really hammered her about us being so far away from them...which I rather enjoy.

However...mom's eyesight is getting pretty bad, and since she's already had two other corrective surgeries, they won't do another. She fears passing the eyesight portion of getting her driver's license renewed. Since she is the #1 caretaker of grandma, and nobody else in the family will get off their ass to help her, my wife has talked me into moving back so she can care for the older ladies.

I have two brothers that both live within 10 miles of mom, and neither one will do much to help her. Sure, one will schedule a few weeks out to swing by and fix something if she calls them, but won't come over right away. The other refuses to show up unless he's needing money from her.

I'm putting the house up for sale in January, and will begin looking for repo homes near my mom's that I can pick up cheap. Hopefully I can sell this house and make enough off of it to cover the cost of the new house.

What really pisses me off is that my youngest brother's wife, who refuses to work, also refuses to assist my mom. This is the same brother that only visits her when he needs money...and he's only 2 blocks away from her!

I'm not real pleased with having to move again. But, at least I'll be able to close enough to her to provide any help she needs, even if it's just sending the wife or kids over to go grocery shopping with her.
Sorry to hear you may be pulling up stakes in PA. where you made a new home, gained friends and community. You will always be better for having had that experience and meeting the new ppl in your lives. One thing I don't think you'll ever regret is helping out and actually being there for your parent and grand parent. It will work out for you I'm certain of that.
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  #3  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:28 PM
Jim B.'s Avatar
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I admire people that do the right thing, and you are one such person.

You know, jp, when I left my home in San Francisco in 2004 and came to this rural part of northern California, it was to help my mom and dad who were coming up on 90 years of age and mobile but needed help, and I was essentially a caregiver for them you could say.

They lived a few more years and after 64+ years together, they died just 10 days from one another, I think the survivor died of a broken heart. They always did everything together, and were so gracious and kind and loving to one another. It was weird, too as my father was born 08/26/2013 and my mom 09/19/13 so I recently observed their 100th birthdays, and they had actually trod this earth almost the exact time together. I had never known or seen such a perfect union.

My brother was too busy to do anything to help so it fell to me.

But you know what? Looking back, it was the best thing I could ever have done, I only wish I had done it earlier, done more and a better job.

They had sacrificed so much for me, and I gave back such a little bit in return.

I am well satisfied and content that I did what I did.

I know you will one day feel the same. I am sure of it.

So, good luck/god bless/god speed to you and your family..

You are a fine man. I don't think you will ever regret this decision.
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  #4  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:31 PM
jplinville's Avatar
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I've really enjoyed the distance from the rest of the family. Close enough they can visit...far enough away that they have to call first.

I really hate moving.
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Meet on the level, leave on the square. Great words to live by

Were we directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread. - Thomas Jefferson: Autobiography, 1821.
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  #5  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:33 PM
Redefining normal daily
 
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Originally Posted by Skid Row Joe View Post
One thing I don't think you'll ever regret is helping out and actually being there for your parent and grand parent.
All I can add is to share the single most important lesson I've learned from Darling Wife:

They're family. It's what you do.
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  #6  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:35 PM
Jim B.'s Avatar
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Originally Posted by ramonajim View Post
All I can add is to share the single most important lesson I've learned from Darling Wife:

They're family. It's what you do.
Yes. It is that simple.
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1995 E 420, 170k "The Red Plum" (sold)

2015 BMW 535i xdrive awd Stage 1 DINAN, 6k, <----364 hp

1967 Mercury Cougar, 49k

2013 Jaguar XF, 20k <----340 hp Supercharged, All Wheel Drive (sold)
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  #7  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:36 PM
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Have you ever thought of getting a non-medical home care service? They are in the 20 per hour region and can help with daily activities of living.
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  #8  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:47 PM
jplinville's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim B. View Post
I admire people that do the right thing, and you are one such person.

You know, jp, when I left my home in San Francisco in 2004 and came to this rural part of northern California, it was to help my mom and dad who were coming up on 90 years of age and mobile but needed help, and I was essentially a caregiver for them you could say.

They lived a few more years and after 64+ years together, they died just 10 days from one another, I think the survivor died of a broken heart. They always did everything together, and were so gracious and kind and loving to one another. It was weird, too as my father was born 08/26/2013 and my mom 09/19/13 so I recently observed their 100th birthdays, and they had actually trod this earth almost the exact time together. I had never known or seen such a perfect union.

My brother was too busy to do anything to help so it fell to me.

But you know what? Looking back, it was the best thing I could ever have done, I only wish I had done it earlier, done more and a better job.

They had sacrificed so much for me, and I gave back such a little bit in return.

I am well satisfied and content that I did what I did.

I know you will one day feel the same. I am sure of it.

So, good luck/god bless/god speed to you and your family..

You are a fine man. I don't think you will ever regret this decision.
Oh, believe me...when I found out that they weren't helping her, I agreed with my wife that it was time to move back. There wasn't much thinking and debate about it. I've been the one that has gotten friends of mine to go over and make repairs to her deck, her garage door, change a tire, etc...neither of my brothers have bothered to help.

The fact that two adult men cannot lift a finger to help their mother at least once a week, and one of them can't even bother to lift a phone to call her unless he needs money pisses me off to no end.

The real shame is having to change my son's schools again. He's finally gotten settled in as a Freshman, is on the football team, and is doing really well in school. The girl-child graduates in June, and we'll move shortly after then.

This will probably open a whole new can of worms with the ex. The latest decision from the judge is that she doesn't get any weekends, only a few holidays and a few weeks in the summer that are not back to back. When we move back, she may want to take me back to court again...3.5 more years, and boy child will be an adult and we won't have to deal with BS like this anymore.
__________________
1987 560SL
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Meet on the level, leave on the square. Great words to live by

Were we directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread. - Thomas Jefferson: Autobiography, 1821.
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  #9  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:48 PM
jplinville's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ramonajim View Post
All I can add is to share the single most important lesson I've learned from Darling Wife:

They're family. It's what you do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim B. View Post
Yes. It is that simple.

Amen
__________________
1987 560SL
85,000 miles




Meet on the level, leave on the square. Great words to live by

Were we directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread. - Thomas Jefferson: Autobiography, 1821.
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  #10  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:50 PM
jplinville's Avatar
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Originally Posted by aklim View Post
Have you ever thought of getting a non-medical home care service? They are in the 20 per hour region and can help with daily activities of living.
Nope...neither me nor my mother would ever allow it to happen. Moving back is the only option available.

Mom isn't a very trusting person, and wouldn't be comfortable with a stranger in her home.
__________________
1987 560SL
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Meet on the level, leave on the square. Great words to live by

Were we directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread. - Thomas Jefferson: Autobiography, 1821.
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  #11  
Old 09-27-2013, 07:58 PM
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Sorry to hear that, Jon. I know you really liked living with the Keystone folk.

It really sucks that your brother is like that...but given his MO, I'm not surprised his wife is also that way.

Good luck with all of it.
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  #12  
Old 09-27-2013, 11:34 PM
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Damn, sorry to hear that your brothers are no help, jp. Sounds like a similar situation to my FIL who is the primary caregiver to my wife's grandmother/his mother. One retired to Myrtle Beach and the other is 20 minutes away but you'd think it was 2 days the way he talks.

Your mom needs you and you're doing the right thing.
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  #13  
Old 09-28-2013, 12:14 AM
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Just when you got your gun room all fixed up!

Hope it all works out for you all.
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  #14  
Old 09-28-2013, 12:14 AM
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The Lord will reward you jp.
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  #15  
Old 09-28-2013, 12:30 AM
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I admire you for making the right but inconvenient decision. Sorry to hear that you have to move again... that stinks. What will happen to the gun thing?

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