We were just informed a grandson may have commited suicide. He is or was 19. There was a note not to disturb him when his parents got home after a three day absence.

His mother decided to check on him and she found another note. It said basically he just cannot live like this anymore. Left his credit card and papers plus money on the bed. Only took his wallet and drivers license with him as far as they can tell. His car is also in the driveway.

There is a large woods behind the house and a search of it will start at first light. I figure they will bring dogs in but it has also rained in the last few days. He was very, very smart but to me quite introverted.

The mother has told the father that his son was gay this evening we suspect. My wife never mentioned it to me but she told me she has suspected it. The wife suggested that perhaps he did not want his dad to know. Or just could not tell him.

If so he made a misteak. Most of us have decided years ago unless you are an idiot. What you are is not a free choice for anyone when it comes to sexual orientation. I think his father would have accepted it. .

This grandson was extremely reliable and trustworthy and competent. Based on this I expect they will find him tomorrow. Of course to us it is a sad thing. At the same time not something you can suspect coming all too often.

Since I am not always right I hope that applies this time. Anyways the wife and myself will not be going up with the younger members of the family very late tonite. To arrive there about first light.

My primary concern is the son in law may be very severely impacted over this. It will not be good for awhile for the rest of us. I have emotions as well but am poor at displaying them at times.

My generation was taught as was the common convention of the times for males to internalize them. It really hurts to think I probably will never even talk to him again. It even makes me tear up as I type this. I wish I would have known he was in this much personal difficulty.

Easter is usually a happy time in our extended family. As many as can make it normally get together. I just asked the wife if she can think of anything we can do right now.
She like myself thinks not other than hope he is still alive. In a terrible way it is so bad to be as pragmatic as I am in life. In this situation it reduces hope to almost nothing.

Sorry about the bad news. It's tough, there's nothing I can say or do but offer my condolences.

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You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows - Robert A. Zimmerman

Barry, I think there is some reason for hope. Many people contemplate suicide, but back out when in comes to doing the act of suicide. Others botch the effort so badly that psychologists and psychiatrists term their efforts as being a call for help. Let's hope he decided against doing it even if he walked into those woods intent on committing suicide or that the notes were written as a "call for help."

Our prayers are for you and your family.

You have my most sincere condolences. I know a few families who have lost a member to suicide. It is a heavy blow. Please do talk with them about it if they are receptive to it. Kids get depressed and sometimes these things happen. Don't give up hope until the truth is known, but be prepared for the worst as well.

One of my kids attempted it back when she was in high school. Fortunately we found her quickly and got her to the hospital. She has grown into a very successful person with a husband and three children.

There is a tendency in the family toward depression. I seem to have escaped it for the most part, but it is very common in the country as well.

I can only imagine the pain of the actual loss of a child or grandchild.

I'll be praying he is found alive and well.

__________________
[SIGPIC] Diesel loving autocrossing grandpa Architect. 08 Dodge 3/4 ton with Cummins & six speed; I have had about 35 benzes. I have a 39 Studebaker Coupe Express pickup in which I have had installed a 617 turbo and a five speed manual.[SIGPIC]

..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.

So sorry; hope that they find him and that he is OK. Please follow up. We are all with you.

Hope it all works out right for him and you .And just might be keeping low .

Unfortunatly confirmed this morning. Tracking dog located him. My primary concern now is with his father. His best friend was another thirteen year old grand son that he was teaching advance computer skills to. He will not be informed until his parents return home.

A little background may prove interesting or at least informative. This one was not a grandson by blood. This son in law had a previous marriage and the young fellow had the best of both worlds when it came to the separate parents. Even our daughter who married the son in law worked at making the situation trouble free.

She made sure that even her and the ex wife got along well both for the sake of the child and harmony in the marriage. So there will be no finger pointing in this area.

The grandmother on the son in laws side is a religious believer of extremes but is not a nut job. Odd to me that combination exists in a person today to me at least. Being a catholic she will have issues with this. I believe she will try to assign guilt to her son. His father is the nicest type of guy you would ever want to know.

Now to the part that may interest. This son in law was adopted at birth. When I first knew him he had questions about himself and the son. He is a smart engineer and he wanted to know from me.

If I did not answer his questions in a direct fashion there might be a barrier formed between us. So I told him there is a direct relationship genetically between the few minor issues you have. That is why there is an issue between yourself and your adoptive mother. She expects you to display more overall emotion. She is a smart lady that does not understand genetic limitations or that they cannot be changed.

Since you have no ideal or any background on whoever made your existence occur. There may be components of yourself you never come totally to grips with. Your concern about the boy is valid. But for two estranged parents. I have if never seen a better arrangement. So the effect on the boy while perhaps not totally ideal is about the best I have ever seen.

What I expect occurred is genetics from the past where more pronounced in his son. Perhaps they created a struggle of too much magnitude. Then he was also dealing with the gay issue. That he knew was not acceptable to parts of the family on both sides of the grandparents. Of the first marriage.

Our side of the family had adjusted to the reality of these things decades ago. Not because we had experienced it in our own family. Rather more individuals and families should find a live and let live attitude towards each and others perhaps. Or there will never be any harmony.

I also do not think the grandson was clinically depressed as such in general. Also another factor is the wife and myself do not believe that actual blood ties should make a difference. We for example could have one of our direct blood line acting really bad. Plus still show favortisim. This in our eyes would be wrong.

I perhaps could have helped the young fellow out had he approached me. Or have gotten him some assistance. Subconciouisly I must have known there was a problem as I now remember always asking how he was.

Whenever in contact with that son in law or our daughter. Usually about the first thing to come out of my mouth. I suspect the son in law will question me about this.

At least I can honestly claim. That he was introverted beyond a reasonable amount was the reason. Plus I did not actually talk to him enough to even suspect something like this was in the cards.

People that are as smart as he was have few friends is a sad reality of the world as well. I did not make this world but just adapted to it as much as I could.

My current concern is suicide can have a contagious effect. So I will have to keep my mind in gear. I think our son in law was happy in life. He will be less happy for the rest of it. How much so I will keep an eye on. It is a natural progession to feel some guilt as I do.

It may be overwhelming for the son in law. He was his only child. Plus I expect he will be mentally attacked by his adoptive mother. This woman I could write a book about and it would be interesting to say the least. Perhaps the only aristocratic member of our extended family for openers. Tragically she is not as well balanced in some ways.

Perceptive well beyond normal though. She and her husband go to great lengths to visit us if not often well beyond average. When the wife and myself get together with them. We all seem to have both a real good and enjoyable time. We mesh like clockwork and the humor alone is priceless.

Anyways rather than depressed primarily. I think the grandson was in distress more than anything. Perhaps a shade of gray differece yet still existed. He had wiped all his hard drives. Cancelled many other things like his phone service.

It remains a very sad day for me and the wife. We will have to deal with the funeral all too soon as well.

Some things in life are usually held more private. Since I will never meet the members in person. I thought it might be a good ideal to post this.

Just on the chance it helps someone out there understand. No matter how hard you engage in trying to do the right things. Or at least attempting to do them in a family. Plus nobody is without faults. Does not eliminate certain things from occurring.

This was not posted in any form of attention seeking behavior. There is nothing we as grandparents or you as members really can do about these things. Yet if we post life experiences comprehension of them improves. I really just feel bad and sad that this was the outcome of the young fellow.

Life is too short even normally.

I knew you all would be. As an outlet posting my grief and thoughts even helps me. In a way it makes us all a little more human as well hopefully. The wife summed It up pretty well this morning.


If they could clone my wife the world would be a better place.

I attach no meaning to it but that grandson and our smaller dog where the best of friends. Animals seem to have abilities to sense things in humans. It is now four in the afternoon. I just realized the dog has not been seem by me since I woke up this morning.

He is in the house I know and this has never occurred before. Just coincidence but strange as well. I am going to have a look for him. In general where are larger dog is he is. Not so strange though on reflection. He probably sensed something differant with the wife and myself. I just returned and found him laying but not sleeping in an upstairs bedroom.

Barry, as you so often do you have given us all a thoughtful presentation of a very difficult time in your life. Thank you for sharing with us so frankly. Whatever you do don't even think of blaming yourself. These impulses are more often than not a complete surprise to parents let alone grandparents.

You'll need to be there for your daughter though because the loss of a child is very destructive to a marriage. I don't know if the fact that the child was not hers will help them significantly or not.

Best wishes for you and your entire family.

__________________
[SIGPIC] Diesel loving autocrossing grandpa Architect. 08 Dodge 3/4 ton with Cummins & six speed; I have had about 35 benzes. I have a 39 Studebaker Coupe Express pickup in which I have had installed a 617 turbo and a five speed manual.[SIGPIC]

..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.

Barry - my condolences to you and your family. The loss of a loved one is never easy no matter what age. The strength of God and your family will help you. You and your family are in my prayers.

Bill Whitmore
Alhambra California

Terrible tragedy. In so sorry for your loss. Try not to over-analize. This is very common behavior of the bereaved in this circumstance, but it is mostly not productive and can become an obsession.

I am so sorry for your loss.

So sorry ..

My sincere condolences on your loss.

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You're a daisy if you do.
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84 Euro 240D 4spd. 220.5k sold
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Deepest condolences, Barry.

Sorry for your loss, Barry. May the good of his life be a blessing to you.

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