I hear you. Rule number one today. The systems are in a bind. Try to get adequate compensation for what you do.

Maximise the per diem rates or take on a special rating. They cannot keep foster parents here anymore they found. Contract home may be doable in your region. You provide X number of services for X amount of dollars.

So they threw money at the problem in my region. At best it has just reduced the rate of deterioration.

The social workers of old entered the vocation usually because of problems in their own backgrounds. Today it is just an idealistic following. By people that find the realities in the field not what they expected. So just a job them by and large they do not like. The really incompetent ones get supervisory positions. So it is a bit of a minefield to operate in. Either as a social worker or foster parent.

You almost have to work the system to get what you should for what you do. Find out what a foster parent is entitled to in your region. This information is not always freely given out. I would even hazard a guess as even seldom available. You may have to do a little research into what is going on in your region.

You have enough background to be worth the dollars to them. Although the age of improving never occurred regionally here until they found out they have certain liabilities.

Plus they may have figured out just how much the obvious failure rate was ultimatly costing society. There is the sign of at least a little relative intelligence here in the regional system as a result now.

Or just tell them you like fostering. Just would like less than group home material to work with. Remember they will get away with what they feel they can.

I talked to an eighteen year old boy the other day who was well within the bounds of normal. Even he has issues with what is available for work out there. He said it seems pretty bad other than flipping burgers for Macdonalds. Or similar types of jobs. He was smart enough not to want the financial loading of a higher education. So I suggested he consider going to an English speaking country that provides free higher education. Those student loans are presenting a hard to service component of all too many lives.

When I went to school it was very cheap even in corrected dollars way back then to go. Plus there were lots of openings in almost all fields.

The System
 

You're right .

FWIW, _I_ don't get a penny out of it, I'm the boy friend of the Foster Mother, she's learned how to maximize the payments so we're not going broke or anything, the boys all get too many new clothes and shoes so the fail to learn the need to take care of anything....

Me, I do it because I hit the streets ate age 8 and never looked back, I always envied the Foster kids as they got three hots and cot, I got nothing, hunger is bad for children .

The social workers we get are mostly recent college grads, all women who are merely marking time to get the experience they need to move on and earn more $ else where, they don't seem to give a rat's ass about the kids and work diligently at teaching them : you can do whatever you want with out consequence because you're (fill in the racial blank here), it's a sad thing, most of them are actively hostile to the Foster parents....

As I said : I'm ready to step off, I fell it's no longer a good thing for my Sweet Lady....

She was talking about a group home, I don't think she realized what work it entails.... n the danger involved .

More.......
 

He wasn't doing well yesterday, came home and straight to bed for a few hours, later he accompanied me to take care of the dogs and so on .

This morning he got smart with My Sweet just before leaving for school, she decided we'd go clean his room and discoverd he'd peed behind the dresser and also a pair of flame melted eyeglasses .

We sorted out all his clothes, once again he'd put dirty smelly clothes in the dresser, I washed almost everything and sorted out the clothes he can no longer fit into and will take them to donate later .

I'm sad, she's talking about letting him go and trying another Foster boy....

Got Another One......
 

Monday they dropped off a 12 Y.O. named Kanjay, he seems O.K. so far, he's on Ritalin so we'll see .

The other, more problematic one took the bathroom window screen out again then tossed stuff out into the side yard .

SWMBO told me about it this morning, said "the window screen came loose again" instead of 'Demarkis is acting up again' .

We'll see how this shakes out .

It Never Ends
 

I spent the last 17 hours taking care of our newest boy, I thought we'd all had a nice day out, I took them here and there topped by the best pizza they'll ever have, came home and set to work and after a while the larger of the two boys came to get me, it seems the two of them had been fighting yet again and the new boy got upset and found his meds and overdosed on them ~ ritalin, a pill that acts like amphetamine, you take a tony bit (5Mg in his case) and your body responds by slowing down a little bit .

Instead he took 45Mg. of ritalion and his blood pressure went up to 158/97 and his heart rate peaked at 160BPM ~ had it not been a healthy young 12 year old boy someone would have suffered a heart attack or stroke .

I was told soon enough and tried to get him to drink some water with salt mixed in to make him puke it all up but he couldn't get it down so I call 911 and this time I got to ride in the ambulance up front, a very different perspective lemme tell you .

The poor kid was not only seriously amped up but naturally scared to boot, the emergency ward in Southern Los Angeles is no place for a Child, they had to keep him in for observation and he babbled on all night and part of to - day before they sprung him .

On the up side, the Dr. who cut him loose gave us several pages of places we can hopefully get him hooked up with the get more intensive therapy ~ like most of the Foster kids now, they're both crack babies and this makes it hard for them to understand basic life .

Sitting there next to his bed as he went through with drawl symptoms and cried for thee plus hours isn't any fun .

He is lucky to land with you. I know you'll get him straightened out.

I hope so .

I had a rough go coming up but these poor drug babies have the deck stacked against them severely .

That is so true.

helping kids when you can is good for karma. I worry now my grandson does not get to do much because our money is low. and not best health.my wife's been in bed mostly 23 hours a day for 4 years.so we don't go anywhere.I drive maybe 8 miles a week now

Children
 

IMO ;

The best thing you can do for Children is spend time with them, walking, talking, listening to their endless chatter about things that 'Adults' don't find interesting / relevant .

Just walking with them helps more than you can imagine, some times I take them to Helen Keller park where they walk a bit then begin a pickup basketball game, they love that and are always happy when they're done .

Saturday I took them to the public plunge at Jesse Helms park, they had the whale of a time and made some new friends .

I've never had much $ and wound up on a jail farm in 1967, a few of the people there saw I was a 'troubled youth' (more like total pain in the @$$) and noticed I like to be busy so they put me to work and I've never stopped ~ it was my way to a better life and I try to tech this to our Foster boys because growing up Black in The Ghetto is no picnic no matter how smart you are .

It's now Sunday and I *hope* I'm back to my normal life, the boy is doing O.K., I need to immerse myself in some mechanical works to help even my keel .

Doing mechanical work is a real mind relaxer for many. I know I really enjoy it. Possibly part of it is you cannot think of anything else when engaged in it. Or at least I do not seem to be able to.

As for the boy that overdosed. His meds will have to be kept under lock and key unfortunatly. Unless you feel what he did was a one off. Not only does general society not know just how bad off many children are.

In what really results in some form of self destruction all too often. It does not have to involve death. Instead they remain so dysfunctional their lives are pretty bad. Nobody really seems to have the answers for it.

The statistics for children that recover to some form of normal. Whatever that is are bleak. I have estimated that less than five percent is perhaps generous unfortunately.

I see the major constant is so many of them. They are incapable of bonding with others. Spending time with them as suggested probably can help. At the same time expectations of change should be limited.

I am certain of nothing yet genetics seem to be frequently involved. They used to stress environment issues especially. Yes it is a component no doubt but it is not it all.

I have noticed that dogs easily pick up on children with serious anti social behaviors. I have never seen a rational explanation of just how they do this.

Yet I have watched dogs that like children stay clear of some many times. They can decide this very fast in my experience. I have no belief in things like the supernatural.

I just feel dogs cannot be easily fooled. It may be something as simple as the sensing ability is part of their survival makeup. For example some children damage or even kill domestic pets.

When foster parents have real issues with some children. The issues the average people have with their children usually are minor in comparison. Plus the issues can usually be dealt with at least partially.

Fostering today is probably much different than in the long ago past. For some reason it is now very hard to get new foster parents in many areas.

The real waste in my mind is on average the majority of foster children have above average intelligence. Yet it just does not work for them. Keep trying is about all you can do with and for him. Sometimes it works.

So many factors today with children. In the time period I was a child. Any disruption to the family unit would be dealt with. By whatever it took. This was very common. I would think almost universal. There were lines to cross but the palatable fear of doing so kept the vast majority of us children in check. I never generated anything that would trigger this in my parents.

For one thing the support systems out there were not as they are today. So bad behavior was considered a threat to the whole family unit. Today dysfunction is not exactly catered to but it is allowed. Perhaps in some ways it is just basically tolerated. Actually upon reflection it probably is catered to far too often. In hopes of moderating it. If nothing else that does not work at all.

Perhaps we have become too liberal in the way we deal with issues. I have no issue with replacing something. I do have issues if the replacement does not work as well. Simply because the situation naturally becomes far worse then.

I also do not know if we are doing children a favor by just fundamentally letting them display any behaviors they want to. With them fully aware there are no real consequences in their minds.

I had no hesitation at one time in telling a child that I pay the bills around here and until you do. You will do what I ask. Things like that are totally out of practice. It actually is so bad many parents do not even realize the situation themselves. A family must have some structure.

Even one of our daughters told me she would not pay the 15.00 a week nominal board rate. That was the convention in our family for generations. When children were finished school and started working.

I told her it was just a nominal sum. Actually the same amount I paid my parents. Yet she was free to pay her own way for everything. Next time you use one of the family cars fill it up or do not use it. Or buy your own car. People like eating out so make a habit of it. Or get your own place. Where some alternatives I suggested. No problem then.

This is the one daughter I thought had some potential to have issues. She was thirty five before she took me aside and told me that she felt at times I was being hard on her. It took a long time to decide that I was the one that had a large influence on what she became today. I could have landed up like all my friends have. I agreed to myself. Actually the tool I usually used was to embarrass her to death. We eventually worked a deal out. No new issues. No rehashing of the old episodes ever. Too bad as some where really classics.

Plus probably non enforceable today so the children ignore the authority. I tried to avoid children experiencing the juvenile justice system because they would not fear it in recent times. If they did experience it. I have warned more than one young offender to not escalate to real prisons as they are not the same. .

Where when I was a child it had some teeth. Fear is not particularily a good emotion yet at the same time some situations where there is none do not seem to work well often.

Unfortunatly there exists only a very small percentage of the population that can really deal with many children's serious problems. Within the boundaries of todays environment. You cannot clone these people or teach others the methology needed. This has and continues to be attempted. Even though the results are dismal.

Certain women seemingly develop a massive authoritarian position over children. That by some intuitive sense children do not seem to challenge. Yet there is no implied threats. These women I have noticed have very, very quick minds. You would also think it odd but my observations are the children actually like those women. I actually have come to believe they want to stay in their orbit. Although highly resistant to behavioral change initially because they have prevailed before.

Some of these women could probably run anything. They are to me the pied pipers of society at leading children. The best ones are quite rare. They never give up and the child fatigues out of their behaviors. The pressure these women inflict seems both constant and never weakens. It seems to cause them no stress to apply. The stress the child seems to feel is too much for them to maintain. Technically the child throws in the towel. What I call normal women tend to get stressed and time out first. This can take six months to three years to work. The child may still regress in another environment later but has learnt he or she can control themselves. So they have the option.

I am not a cruel person to animals, children or others. At the same time most are not really raising children anymore by any of the old standards.

Most children do not present these more serious problems. For those that do there is nothing today that is really effective enough at guiding them. So in a way we are the enablers of watching them fall through the cracks.

There was a massive change to what the family unit was in my time. When I was young few women worked out of the house. Dealing with the home and kids was pretty much a full time job for a wife. Where today most women probably work. The dynamics of the family situation are totally different as a result. .

I actually have gotten to the point I feel sorry for the dysfunctional children. In the vast majority their whole lives are going to be problematic.

The only change possible that might help at least a little I can think of. Is put police officers on neighborhood foot patrols again. In a way they kept things down in the areas they worked in. Simply because they usually knew everything that was going on.

Today if the police are involved. They usually have no knowledge personally of what the situation really is. Or the people they are interacting with personally.

It is not only children that have issues. I think there are a sizable amount of women that would actually like to return to being housewives. Instead of holding down basically two jobs out of necessity.

We have a situation where we need less people working. So we should restructure things where one average income will keep a family again. A family unit needs proper management and function. Forming a society where the wife may have to work perhaps a total of 14 hours seven days a week. Is perhaps destructive to even the concept of a family. It possibly approaches slavery for her if the household does not have every modern appliance etc. Or even with them.

The divorce and separation percentages of families is untrackable at present. As so many people do not even get formally married now. Children do not on average do nearly as well in single parent family situations. A child growing up in a stable situation will usually do better overall.

From my perspective if a child has a sense of humor. A father replacement figure has some chance of really communicating with them. It can be a window or a port into their minds.

Life Goes On........
 

Yes, genetics but also the fact that a major percentage of Foster children now are drug babies, almost all of the ones we get are crack babies, the two we have now are crack babies and the more difficult one's mother has mental illness and he does too .

Hard not to feel sorry for them but I try to remain focused on teaching them how to survive in a hostile world after they leave us .

You're dead right about dogs ~ trust them when they don't like a child .

Most people who eventually kill for fun also began as children hurting household pets .

I dove in and replaced the steering lock on my coupe, the W123 uses the same one as the W126, the one I got from the M-B Classic Center came with the wrong ignition switch and was also missing the small contact switch that causes the buzzer to sound if you leave the key in, I tried to remove my old one and broke it so no more key buzzer, I hate that thing but like to have everything working as it did when new .

Since I had the dash binnacle out I decided to replace the speedo cable firewall grommet and discovered it's not supposed to be replaced ~ you're supposed to replace the entire cable, I know how to use duck bill pliers to open the grommet up to fit over the larger cable ends, the rubber now used won't open that wide so in the end I carefully cut the hole in the grommet a tiny bit with my dykes, installed it , lubed the cable with liquid graphite and buttoned it all back up, you're right, I began working and slowly my mind cleared of all the unpleasantness as I focused on the job at hand .

I noticed some grease weeping out of the Bundt wheel's center cap and removed the wheel for a good, proper cleaning and discovered the LF tire is worn smooth on the outer tread edges, slightly more worn on the inside edge of the tread indicating two things :

40 PSI cold isn't sufficient tire pressure and there's too much positive camber in my alignment so I'll try 45 PSI cold and look for a place that knows how to properly do a 123 wheel alignment ~ I completely rebuilt the front suspension a couple years ago including the sway bar bushings (not as bad a job as you think) so a good alignment should help things along .

The car also drifts ever so slightly to the right, this usually indicates improper caster....

The disc looks fine but the pads are nearly gone so I just ordered up some Hawk ceramic brake pads and of course a set of 4 wear indicators....

As long as I had the wheel off I removed and re packed the outer bearing and then cleaned up the entire steering knuckle , brake disc, caliper and body wheel arch too, might as well make a good job of it, right ? .

I'm now back at the Foster care house, the O.D. kid seems O.K., the other, more troubled one is into yet more mischief, nothing new there .

When SWMBO awakes we'll take them out for a nice breakfast thence to get routine physicals .

Lastly, your point about meds being under lock and key is dead on and one of the first questions I asked, she has no answer, they're normally locked in our bedroom (we learned long ago to always keep the bedroom door locked) I doubt she'll ever forget to lock up any meds again .

I missed your post #42

A lot of good comments on there and yes, failure to halt bad behaviours isin fact rewarding them, I don't do that .

It _is_ possible to tell a child "you don't pay the bills, I do" and I also remind them " I'm not your friend, I'm your parent" .

They always ask me why I'm the only person they know who's this way .

Because unlike the others, I actually care about you .

Further Down The Road
 

After over a month sans medications, Kenjay finally got a new prescription, some sort of psychotropic drug, he's only been on it for two days so no change yet, he goes back and forth from hostile & angry, ready to fight to curious about the world around him and back again in the space of a minute .

Whew .