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vwnate1 04-21-2019 05:01 PM

Foster Children
Holy cow, what a pain in my butt .

We're down to one now, he's a bright young man who alternates between being polite, sweet and help full and amazingly destructive and difficult .

He recently pissed / shat / I don't know what in a box in the closet of the bathroom and apparently SWMBO doesn't check it daily like I keep telling her to so it got ripe and he decided to force us to notice it by carrying the box all over the house and up to our bedroom, leaking toxic liquid the entire time....

Now the whole house stinks and he's upset because there's no one else to take the blame (he always tries to blame others for the things he does) and SWMBO is seriously pissed off because she of course had to mop enery floor , twice, once with bleach .

This is why I maintain a separate house and although I take this boy to my place to help with my dogs, yard works and so on, he's never allowed inside .

I'm not a Foster Parent, my Sweet is, I'm registered and fingerprinted and so on so I can watch over them or take them places but we're still recovering from one of them burning out out of her house almost two years ago ~ the house was totally gutted and maybe we'll be back in sometime in 2019....

Whew, this is getting to be old **** .

I had a rough go growing up so I feel for these kids but DAMN ! I'm the only one who ever expects them to mind their manners, pick up after them selves and accept that actions have consequences .

I'm pleased to mention that the unrepentant teenager who burned out out then tried to claim a cash loss (dope sales money) , is now in L.A. County jail for carjacking .

Amazingly, he tries to call us collect using some jail 'phone service in Texas, may he rot where he is .

Even after he tried to burn us out of the hotel a few days after our house was burned, his social worker tried to refuse to take him away, I had to force the issue .

t walgamuth 04-21-2019 05:38 PM

Sorry to hear of tough times with foster kids. Its tough enough to get to raise them from scratch so taking kids from bad homes and trying to help the is very commendable.

I'm betting you have done a lot of good with the ones who don't shyte in a box or try to burn you out....?

cmac2012 04-21-2019 11:34 PM

Sobering read. Pretty amazing the dark corners of the mind people can get lost in.

barry12345 04-21-2019 11:45 PM

Fostering has become very complicated. New foster parents are throwing in the towel at a rapid pace. The system is both short staffed and social workers grab onto other areas that can use them as fast as possible. Workers by and large in child welfare do not really like their jobs anymore.

It takes initial training lasting about a year. For a foster parent applicant to see the first child here. Then with experience and more training if they become proficient. What you cannot or will not handle costs them about 500.00 a day to deal with. They are placed in group homes etc.

In some areas it is all about money and in others trying to get the system somewhat more functional again with all the new realities.

Depending on the overall situation In your area. It may be possible to ask for easier children until you get more experience.

I have worked at this part time as well as a contract worker on my terms for thirty years part time. Even with that mass of experience I have to stop and think a lot.

By and large normal children no longer enter the fostering system. With rare exceptions. The wife spent years training social workers and foster parents.

Medication in many situations is required. Overall the percentage that will really attach to your family will be small. Most will have one form or another of attachment disorder.

We in north America just do not have a kind and gentle society out there.

vwnate1 04-22-2019 12:24 AM

It Gets _Worse_
What Barry said plus .

It turns out he wasn't satisfied with the mess he'd made, he took the leaking, stinking box of stuff and tossed it into the recycle bin along with some bags of garbage from the kitchen .

I just discovered this 5 minutes ago, when I braced him he of course lied and tried to say SWMBO told him to do this .

So, I had him take the stinking mess out of one wheelie bin and carefully place it in the correct one, he wasn't happy but as I keep telling him : every action you take has a consequence be it good or bad and YOU are the one who chooses how things will go .

And still we took him out for a nice Easter Dinner .

Yes, 99 % of Foster children come from horrible situations but telling them they're not responsible for anything they do because they're Black, or poor , or whatever stupid thing they're told both directly and indirectly time after time, teaches them to be worthless and have zero self respect .

I could tell you endless stories of lives ruined, tossed away but you'd never believe the depravity I'm privy to .

Once in a while we'll be out somewhere and a young man will step out of the crowd and say 'hello, remember me ? I'm so and so, THANK YOU for taking me in, giving me a chance and teaching me right from wrong, no one else ever did before I met you' .

Most of the social workers are hostile Black Women who care not a whit about the children, they're fresh out of college and only want to work 18 months so they have suffiecient 'experience' to snag a decent paying job else where .

So far I've been unable to get this boy a therapist or anyone to see if he might be helped by medication .

It's really disheartening, more so because I too came from a bad home, I left home @ 8 Y.O. and used to envy the Foster kids because they at least got "three hots and a cot " .

We're letting the youth of America down in a big way .

oldsinner111 04-22-2019 09:06 AM

alot of problems too,I bet,is real mom's getting high,while they were forming.It's why most couples insist,on adopting from drug free parents.I was lucky with all 3 grandson's.Even thou their mom's got high,no problems.

vwnate1 04-22-2019 10:29 AM

The mother is crazier than a **** house rat .

The father who knows ? .

Most of the Foster children we get are drug babies so their brains are fairly scrambled from the jump in the way they think and process information .

We've had some lulus, lemme tell you .

oldsinner111 04-22-2019 12:35 PM

I do believe folks,that sacrifice their live's and pleasure,for a child,will reincarnate into a wealthy family

t walgamuth 04-22-2019 03:49 PM


Originally Posted by oldsinner111 (Post 3912569)
I do believe folks,that sacrifice their live's and pleasure,for a child,will reincarnate into a wealthy family

They're rich in Love. You can't buy that, ask the Beatles!;)

vwnate1 04-22-2019 06:53 PM

? Progress ?
We went to his special school to - day and they're going to begin a month long evaluation to see what they can do with therapy.......

He was polite all day again, he always is every time the hammer drops .

This sucks, I worry so much he'll get caught in life's switches.......

t walgamuth 04-22-2019 11:41 PM

Sounds like he is lucky to have you in his life, Nate.;)

vwnate1 04-22-2019 11:47 PM

Helping Hands
Maybe, I hope so .

I was pretty wild in my youth, I left a bad home @ 8Y.O. and didn't look back so I know how badly it can go .

Pretty much everyone I knew in the 1960's is dead , mostly behind dope .

I was *very* lucky in that now and then someone (mostly Veterans) would grb me by my collar and shake me until my eyes rattled and then asked '? are you listening to me now ?' then explined how close I was to not seeing another day....

I hate seeing children die or go to jail, get caught in life's switches , so many do .

Sometimes I feel powerless to help .

I'd more say they're lucky to have my Sweet in their lives, I'm just another cranky old man .

jplinville 04-23-2019 06:01 AM

My brother and his wife fostered kids for about 20 years...even adopted 3 siblings. All 3 have issues...oldest girl is manic, controlled by meds, and the youngest girl is a financial drain. We all thought the boy would wind up in jail, but he's the one that has turned out to be the shining star...even after a stint in juvenile lock up for theft. He straightened up when he turned 18, and now is the store manager of the local McDonalds...the young man works nearly 80 hours a week, is engaged and has a child on the way.

Sometimes they surprise you. Don't give up on them, as they will never forget the love they're shown.

vwnate1 04-23-2019 12:28 PM

Thanx ;

We adopted two of three brothers, the worst one turned out the best of all three, the 'best' one, who knows what happened ? he got a good job at the Post Office, began smoking pot and everything went to hell in a handbasket .

He'd done so well that we bought him a car when he graduated High School, the engine lew up so SWMBO paid the down and signed the note for him to get a brandy new 2016 Honda sedan, he trashed it and stopped paying for it, I still can't get the cloth interior clean , the front end is wrecked and the AC inoperative, over 20,000 miles and I doubt he ever changed the oil .

I know very well how important it is to help these kids out but we're not 50 anymore.......

We had one bunch of 6 where 5 graduated H.S. & went off to higher things, the 5th was wobbly .

Since then they've not been doing as well .

I got some help when I was young but nothing like these kids get .

barry12345 04-23-2019 02:11 PM

I am not against humble beginnings. In many ways I think some adversary in life is a good thing. For those that do not get broken by it.

As for your shyt disturber. Autisim is presented in many ways today and is a growth factor in society. There are all levels of it and you could have one with a higher functional level on your hands.

What does trouble me in our society today. If a young person picks up any form of criminal record. For the rest of their lives it can impact their employment opportunities.

I never acquired any criminal or anti social type record fortunately. I may or may not have been guilty of the theft of or the breaking of women's hearts but that is not a chargeable offence.

I am a serious believer of genetic pre disposition. My parents have had no direct influence on me for decades. Yet is I examine elements of myself I can see elements of them in my personality and other things.

I still believe in if you want to see what the girl you are interested in will probably be like in the future. Get to know her mother. No guarantees but better than nothing. Then again we have or are entering a period of very transient relationships it seems today.

I think I am my dads offspring. As I do not look like the mailman or other almost daily visitors to the house. What I am certain of is coming from a modest working class family. That was pretty stable.

I had to become resourceful to get the things I wanted. I had to learn how to do things without a lot of money on hand. What is evident today is many habits persist from that period. Even though the situation has totally changed over the years.

I have skills that cannot be taught easily. Our children and grandchildren have few if any of them. It is becoming a different world though as well. So I am not so certain they are needed. If the majority of society did things like I do the economy would probably collapse.

I still may practice many behaviors as they are a challenge. This is marginally better than calling myself cheap. I went to a garage sale appointment last evening for example. You had to call her to get the location and appointment. The woman was selling off her reciently divorced husbands tools.

The woman at least was fortunate to have some ideal of what things were worth. It was all good quality stuff. The small pile I got was not as cheap as average yard sales. Still at about a quarter of retail overall good value.
I do not know the story of how she got to sell his tools off. Some things are better not asked.

Slavery was perhaps outlawed but for years after foster children where used as cheap or actual slave labor. Farmers and small business owners used to get them to do this. That era in north America passed decades ago to the best of my knowledge.

This was distinct from normal practices by family members. Instead it was essentially forced child labor. In many areas with no support systems in the day for what we term foster children today. This may have been more the norm than not.

I talked to an older person that the farmer used a pitchfork on him to get compliance with the work desired. He had been a foster child. How much of this type of thing was convention of the times I do not know.

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