HAAhahahaaahaa.....Election humor! - Page 2 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

#16 11-02-2002, 03:48 PM

In the vein of some recent humor here....

"How to Write an Ann Coulter Column"

Take at least 10 of the following points, mix together, and put into the oven until they're half baked.

-Liberals are evil.
-Ronald Reagan was a great President.
-Bill Clinton is a bad man who liked sex too much.
-Liberals are always calling conservatives evil.
-George Bush is a hero.
-Liberals are stupid.
-A liberal columnist wrote something bad (although you may have to distort or put words into the columnist's mouth to make this work).
-Liberals are always calling conservatives stupid.
-Hillary Clinton is a bad woman who likes power too much.
-Liberals want to coddle terrorists.
-Liberals are almost like terrorists.
-Liberals are the terrorists.
-Mention swarthy males with middle eastern countenances.
-Liberals are always calling conservatives nasty names.
-Call liberals some nasty names.
-Bill Clinton is a really bad man who liked sex way too much.
-Mention you are not a swarthy male, but rather a blonde girl from Connecticut.
-Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of the 20th century.
-Liberals are mostly Park Avenue matrons and leftist academics.
-Imply that liberals loved Communism and the Soviet Union.
-Call a male liberal (or conservative you don't like) a girly-boy. If you really don't like them call them a girly-girl.
-Make fun of global warming.
-Bush is a better president than Clinton was.
-Find something that one person did or said, and use to prove that all liberals/feminists/gays/blacks are bad (although you may have to distort or puts words into the mouth of the person to make this work).
-Liberals are Satan's minions in disguise [Haven't used this one yet but keep looking for the right moment.]

God, what a nutball.

-Sam

mikemover · #17 11-02-2002, 04:05 PM

Hahaha...funny!...nice one...Actually, the points about the current and ex-presidents, and definitly the one about "Her Royal Highness Hitlery Clinton-ista", are largely true!

As are a few of the comments about liberals! :p Ol' Bill C. didn't like sex too much...he just liked LYING about it too much!

A couple of those points sound pretty "Christian extremist", but hey, nobody's perfect, right?

Backatcha'
Mike

royaiii · #18 11-02-2002, 07:27 PM

I'm not going to engage myself in a fruitless discussion of the environment. But, instead my recomendation for you is to go to Borders and get a book that just presents the facts. Don't read the tree-hugging crap nor the slander that automotive journalists write about the "myths of greenhouse" but go get a definitive guide and spend an afternoon reading about it. Don't just read about statements but read about the Chemical properties of what pollution does. The net has a plethora of info but a book is a much better way to learn about the environment by guiding you through the info.

mikemover · #19 11-02-2002, 07:33 PM

Beleive me, I've read PLENTY about it, from all sides of the story...If you have also, then why do you not just answer my question?

Mike

engatwork · #20 11-02-2002, 08:31 PM

Erupting volcanos have killed alot of people Mike - especially when it buries them 6' under the ash. I'm not an environmentalist - heck I work in a paper mill. I just see what is happening in the area where I live and it may actually be a 50-100 year cycle - I'll never know.

The reason I feel the environment is going to heck in a haybasket is from the lakes and ponds that I have seen go dry over the past few years. Ponds that have had water in them since I was born. This may well be just the naturally occuring "change" in the characteristics of the world around me but I like to blame it on the soccer moms - alone - in the 6000# suvs driving down I75 while talking on the phone, in the fast lane running 70 mph?

I know you have seen them - they are out there.

drbrandini · #21 11-02-2002, 09:02 PM

Its all a conspiracy....they are out to get us.....run...there is no safe haven....run..........run...run..

Cap'n Carageous · #22 11-02-2002, 10:50 PM

Every time I see a vehicle with a small child standing untethered in the front seat or being held by the driver, or a four wheeler with an adult driving and a child on the gas tank and another one or two behind them on the seat......my blood boils and for that one moment in time ... I wish I were a cop!!

Piotr · #23 11-02-2002, 11:09 PM

Well, "there you go again..." (by the way, if Reagan was NOT a great president, who was?? HillBilly? please...). The second day of Rally Australia is starting on Speedvision, and I'm wasting time on THIS... But

I spent over 13 years getting my MS in geology (never mind...). along the way I was forced to take several classes dealing with the subject of paleo climate and it's changes. ALL of these classes were tought by people slightly to the left of Fidel Castro (that would be "rich conservatives" as per HillBilly..."). I did not hear A SINGLE THING leading me to belive that humans had any influence on climate whatsoever. Moreover, NO GEOLOGY PROFESSOR will be stupid enough to make such a claim (I'm not implying that you are, if you make this claim, unless you teach geology).

The climate changes occur in cycles documented in geological records. the cycles are measured in hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, and hudreds of millions of years. I'm talking about documented and studied ad infinitum records. do you realise that extinction of dinosaurs took MILLIONS of years ??? they died due to a single climate change. If we had this discussion in the late 1800's we would be discussing a possible return of glaciation, because at that time the entire Earth experienced global cooling (the so called "little ice age"- go ahead, ask any geologist if they are familiar with it). As to the drying of the lakes- it is a natural process, occuring everywhere. I would worry more about water mining in Nevada where aquifers cannot be replenished fast enough. I just read an article about Great Lakes water levels being low. When I lived in Detroit in 1980's, people were pushing government to do something about shore erosion due to catastrophically high water levels -in the Great Lakes. Believe me, Mother Nature have way more enemies than these puny upstarts-the human race.

But, we will here these pseudo scientific drivel -mostly from the same people who worry we may start polluting deep space

anthonyb · #24 11-03-2002, 11:39 PM

I don't know about the volcanoes vs. human activity question, but this is from a Whitehouse press briefing earlier this year:

"Q Ari, if I could change subjects for a second. This morning you said that the President quoted a speech, indicating that the President believes that human activity is largely responsible for the increase in greenhouse gases. But I'm wondering if he also agrees with an EPA report which indicated that human activity is likely the cause of global warming?

MR. FLEISCHER: Let me just read from the President's statement of June 11th on global warming, and let me read from the recent report the EPA submitted to the United Nations. And I think you'll hear that on the key issues, they really sound very, very similar. This is the President on June 11th in the Rose Garden, in a speech where he announced his global warming policies.

"Concentration of greenhouse gases, especially C02, have increased substantially since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. And the National Academy of Sciences indicate that the increase is due in large part to human activity." That's the President himself speaking.

Here is from the report, page 4, that was just submitted to the United States by the EPA: "Greenhouse gases are accumulating in Earth's atmosphere as the result of human activities, causing global mean surface temperature and subsurface ocean temperature to rise. While the changes observed over the last several decades are due most likely to human activities, we cannot rule out that some significant part is also a reflection of natural variability." And I think what you're hearing is the same thing.

Q I'm glad you make the connection explicitly, since the President addressed greenhouse gases, but not specifically global warming. Does the President agree with the conclusion that human activity is likely the cause of global warming?

MR. FLEISCHER: That's what the President said in his speech in June.

Q That's not exactly what he said. He does agree with it?

MR. FLEISCHER: When the President cites the National Academy of Science as saying that the National Academy of Science indicates that the increase is due in large part to human activity, I don't know how the President could say it more specifically than that."

---

The full press briefing is available online here:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/06/20020605-2.html

The President's June 11th statement is available here:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2001/06/20010611-2.html

The EPA report is available here:
http://yosemite.epa.gov/oar/globalwarming.nsf/UniqueKeyLookup/SHSU5BNM7H/$File/bush_ccpol_061101.pdf

The NAS report is available here:
http://yosemite.epa.gov/oar/globalwarming.nsf/UniqueKeyLookup/SHSU5BUTQ4/$File/nas_ccsci_01.pdf

--

-anthony

anthonyb · #25 11-03-2002, 11:42 PM

I don't know about the volcanoes vs. human activity question, but this is from a Whitehouse press briefing earlier this year:

"Q Ari, if I could change subjects for a second. This morning you said that the President quoted a speech, indicating that the President believes that human activity is largely responsible for the increase in greenhouse gases. But I'm wondering if he also agrees with an EPA report which indicated that human activity is likely the cause of global warming?

MR. FLEISCHER: Let me just read from the President's statement of June 11th on global warming, and let me read from the recent report the EPA submitted to the United Nations. And I think you'll hear that on the key issues, they really sound very, very similar. This is the President on June 11th in the Rose Garden, in a speech where he announced his global warming policies.

"Concentration of greenhouse gases, especially C02, have increased substantially since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. And the National Academy of Sciences indicate that the increase is due in large part to human activity." That's the President himself speaking.

Here is from the report, page 4, that was just submitted to the United States by the EPA: "Greenhouse gases are accumulating in Earth's atmosphere as the result of human activities, causing global mean surface temperature and subsurface ocean temperature to rise. While the changes observed over the last several decades are due most likely to human activities, we cannot rule out that some significant part is also a reflection of natural variability." And I think what you're hearing is the same thing.

Q I'm glad you make the connection explicitly, since the President addressed greenhouse gases, but not specifically global warming. Does the President agree with the conclusion that human activity is likely the cause of global warming?

MR. FLEISCHER: That's what the President said in his speech in June.

Q That's not exactly what he said. He does agree with it?

MR. FLEISCHER: When the President cites the National Academy of Science as saying that the National Academy of Science indicates that the increase is due in large part to human activity, I don't know how the President could say it more specifically than that."

---

The full press briefing is available online here:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/06/20020605-2.html

The President's June 11th statement is available here:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2001/06/20010611-2.html

The EPA report is available here:
http://yosemite.epa.gov/oar/globalwarming.nsf/UniqueKeyLookup/SHSU5BNM7H/$File/bush_ccpol_061101.pdf

The NAS report is available here:
http://yosemite.epa.gov/oar/globalwarming.nsf/UniqueKeyLookup/SHSU5BUTQ4/$File/nas_ccsci_01.pdf

--

-anthony

Piotr · #26 11-04-2002, 06:01 PM

Now this little tidbit was debunked long time ago as being a result of the pres (not a geologist, the latest I looked) being misled either by the report or his advisors.
NOW, please, take a geology handbook (geochemistry will do) and read up about the carbon cycle. The amount of carbon locked up in dolomites and limestones and being slowly released and recycled by the volcanoes will make your head spin so fast, that you will march on Washigton demanding that government DO something about these polluting volcanoes RIGHT NOW!!

And when we are at it, why not take care of plate tectonics and stop these pesky earthquakes??

By the way, latest study of the antarctic shows that it's cooling down (Doran, et al, 2002), changes in the antarctic ice are normal post-Wisconsinisn interglacial processes (Conway, et al, 1999), National Academy of Science COULD NOT find warming in the lower troposphere (NRC, 2000), recorded human history showed global changes in climate over several thousand years (Lamb, 1995), A long term synthesis of geological history shows natural variability well IN EXCESS of any valid projected anthropogenic changes (Bluemle et al, 2001), and Fischer et al(1995) proved that during the last three glacial termination carbon dixide in atmosphere lagged climate change, de-linking dioxide concentrations from the climate changes. Moreover, Lamb (1995) showed that the climate is not nearly as warm as it was in the 11th century!!!!!

and on, and on.
But it's so much nicer to blame sombedy else for something that is not happening. Gives your life a purpose.

mikemover · #27 11-05-2002, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Piotr

But it's so much nicer to blame sombedy else for something that is not happening. Gives your life a purpose.

HaaahaaaHAHAA! That is SO true! Sad, but true. Piotr, you are the man!

Mike

4NDELIT · #28 11-05-2002, 12:46 PM

hey guys... lat time I checked, the topic of this discussion was election humor, not humans vs. volcanoes. If somebody was offended by the global warming situation, take it somewhere else. aside from that, have a good day, and I hope you all vote [if you can]

Jim Anderson · #29 11-05-2002, 01:00 PM

What would happen to the sea level if all the ice at the North Pole melted?

G-Benz · #30 11-05-2002, 01:54 PM

As a matter of fact, the North Pole ice caps have been found to be melting!

In many cases, many North Pole expeditions have been halted because of the expanses of water discovered in that region...