Time Traveler busted for insider trading!!
 

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003



By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.

Jees, 126 "high risk" trades and won every time! Almost makes the time traveler story more believable! lol An invest of $800 and in two weeks this guy's rolled up 350 million! No record prior to 2002? Lets just hope he can come up with his Osama/AIDS information and maybe they'd let him keep his 350 million!

Interesting!

I'm not ready to form an opinion on this one. $800 to $350 MIL
in two weeks if it is insider trading he would have to be on the inside of MANY companies. I am suprised someone has not shown up to say "I know this guy!"

weird....very weird.

he could have just pointed to where Osama was hiding and collected $30 Million right away.

This guy can't be a run of the mill nit-wit. Making that kind of cash with ANY information would be a serious calculated undertaking. On the underhand he could have just been REAL LUCKY, I wonder what the mathematical figures would be for a coincendence like this to happen?

This was on Yahoo news as well.

If this guy's time travelling story doesn't pan out I don't think it has anything to do with insider trading, as was said you'd need a hell of alot of info. This is more obviously money laundering. Someone spotted these huge stock movements and then entered and backdated phoney trades to make it look like the money has been made through trading. Either way, please keep us posted on this.

Jason, I don't think we'll be seeing anything more about this. As pointed out in RS's link, this came from the Weekly World News, the home of Batboy (Half Bat! Half Boy!), of satan's face appearing mysteriously in a fondue bowl, and of stories like "Chelsea Clinton says: I was raped by skinheads from Mars!". It's pretty funny, check it out in your grocery checkout line, but their fact-checking is a bit less rigorous than, say, the National Enquirer.;)

Howdy All,
I wonder if he travels with Dr. Who :eek: :D

YO,


This fellow sounds interesting specially if the story is legit and the facts are correct. I'd love to see the trades he made should be an eye opener.

Perhaps there is a pattern in those trades eh.

Hey did any one here read the book called timeline by michael chrighton (sp) I think it was. I tell you it was an awesome read. Once I picked up the book, I could not put it down till I finished it!

Yes its about time travel as well way out and very interesting read.

The story's bogus??

Darn! Just when I was beginning to believe the government hadn't been able to completely rid society of paper money for at least another 200 years! Oh well....

Yes, I read Timeline. It was one of the best novel I have ever read. I could not put the book down to save my life.

Call me looney, but sooner of later Science WILL figure out how to manipulate Time and will control Time Travel. Science will also figure out how to control Gravity.

The question is when and to what extent will the people with that knowledge manipulate past events and abuse that capability.

Think about where the Human race was just 100 years ago, we where in the "Horse and Buggy" period, now look at us today.

Now go forward 200 years, what do you think we will be doing?

Remeber that old saying, "The Truth is often stranger than Fiction...".

Regardless if the story can be proven as fact, scientific progress will march on.

It was in the Weekly World News. By definition, WWN = Hoax (it's an accepted mathematical identity). If there was any truth to it, it was purely accidental - ordinarily they're good at preventing that. We won't be hearing about this one again.