Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

#1 07-17-2003, 11:20 PM

I received this from a friend. Who knows if it's really Red Skelton's work, but it's funny just the same!

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have little beverage and
then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays and I go on
Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our Anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and an electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburator. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the
garbage?" The truck driver said, "No, jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. Statistically, 100 percent of all divorces start with marriage.

12. I married Miss Right. I just did not know her first name was Always.

13. I have not spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

G-Benz · #2 07-18-2003, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sflori

12. I married Miss Right. I just did not know her first name was Always.

13. I have not spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

How TRUE!

need2speed · #3 07-18-2003, 04:40 PM

How funny. Its nice to remember when humor didn't have to include at least one of George Carlin's "seven dirty words you never hear on television". Unfortunately, you can sure hear 'em all in the movies.

Well, OK, I agree with George that "tits" shouldn't even be on the list. :p