i cant take credit, dave letterman tells it every year:

well, its the first day of fall and the signs are everywhere.
i was walking thru central park on the way to work this AM,

and saw... a nut gathering squirrels!

talk about your stupid pet tricks:

dave awoke to find a bear having breakfast in the kitchen of his montana cabin, and had get get help to scare the bear out by a neighbor kid using M-80's. that would be quite the wake-up call!

also- heres a link to video of brittney murphy (who used to date ashton) discussing the ashton/demi relationship. he gets the best one liner saying that ashton didnt care about age, and that apparently demi didnt care about size! its classic. :p

link to video of brittney on the late show

also a clip of dave ribbing demi about "dude, where's my car"